To think it’s totally wrong to board children in another country during a global pandemic *title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[Totalbeach]

I live in a town with two boarding schools (junior and senior) and there’s another 3 - 18 school nearby. All are day as well as boarding. I assumed that they’d empty due to the pandemic but they are as packed as ever. As far as I understand, kids have always been able to fly home to parents as essential travel even during lockdowns etc, but many kids haven’t gone home for holidays due to quarantining restrictions either end. Pupils at the schools are largely from China but there are other nationalities too (including U.K. boarders of course).

AIBU to be totally shocked that even during a global pandemic families are willing to send their children overseas to live? I think it’s actually neglectful to the point of being deeply immoral. And I’m quite surprised that it’s even legal to have children age 7+ boarding in another country in the first place.

YABU It’s fine
YANBU It’s awful

@IHateWinter88

The alternative is to do what almost everyone does - send your kids to a school near where you live

Are you being thick? You realize that the reason the kids are in the UK in the first place because there are no schools or no decent schools where the parents live. Has it not occurred to you that the rest of the world isn't living some middle class dream and choosing to send their kids 2000km away for no reason?

I wouldn't say there are no decent schools there. Frankly, many schools are decent in the UK either.

They are in here to learn language to native standard (good native standard) and to have a better chance to succeed in super competitive job hunting. In some countries it does give you incredible advantage even compared to great local schools. I know a family who moved here so kids get that. Not because schools here would be better than where they are, but because it will move them to completely different level when entering a job market.

@ComtesseDeSpair

"I’m going to assume you’re the OP, and that this is a name change fail (which begs the question, if you’re so assured in your beliefs about boarding schools and the parents who use them, why did you feel the need to name change to make your critical remarks? Why not own them under your usual username?)"

You'd be assuming wrong. I'm actually a different person who happens to also have a different viewpoint from you and grossly dislikes sweeping generalisations. Shocking isn't it? As for why I'm so assured, I'm an academic working at a emm... Let's say rg uni. I'm not saying all boarding schools are not prestigious and elite but I'd certainly find it inappropriate term for an educational institution. Its rather a set of terms to describe people. Often people who'd like to be termed as such, rather than people who actually are so.
Equally, local state schools aren't all average.

There's currently a thread in Active from a lone parent on £31k/annum who needs UC to pay some of her bills. Let's all just quit our jobs!

I'm so glad my parents weren't so narrow-minded as to not put their family first, a roof over our heads and education, due to provencial bollocks (not even sure how to correctly spell that in English or if it applies, I borrowed it from French, due to their poor choices, I'm fluent in 3 languages).

[quote EileenGC]@TableFlowerss if everyone with long hours or compulsory overseas travel quit their jobs, who is going to do them? We can’t all work in our hometown, have flexible hours, readily available childcare and put family time over everything else. If every person doing one of those demanding jobs wanted to swap and do something easy and local, the economy would collapse.

I swear some posters on MN think it’s as simple as having a choice and can’t grasp why it’s not as easy as that.[/quote]
I don’t think it’s as easy as that but as I’ve said previously, these surely have to be considered before embarking on a career that takes you overseas.

Some people are cool with that, others wouldn’t do it for a million pounds....

Each to their own OP. Some people couldn't do their jobs without boarding schools to give their children continuity or just schlep them around and change schools every year. Some people think children should have the best opportunities (rightly or wrongly) and that those are to be at a UK boarding school.

I went at 7 because the country I was in was fairly lethal for children with little health care.

I'm not sure why you have posted since there's nothing you can do about it.

You're so naive. People's circumstances vary hugely and on threads about boarding school the closed mindedness of some people really comes out

@BottleFlipper

Oh please, naive because I don’t find the concept of sending 7 year olds to boarding school appealing.....

I don’t think it’s as easy as that but as I’ve said previously, these surely have to be considered before embarking on a career that takes you overseas.

Some people are cool with that, others wouldn’t do it for a million pounds....

Exactly. I did consider it and I’m cool with it, but I can also see why it wouldn’t appeal to others. Doesn’t mean either style of parenting is better. Doesn’t mean parents who send their kids to board are horrible.

For reference, my job doesn’t mean my kids will be going to boarding schools, but I really couldn’t be bothered about someone else choosing to do the opposite. I’m in no position to judge other families. I would’ve loved boarding at 7, I could’ve escaped some of the daily abuse at least...

@Totalbeach

Why does the pandemic affect it?

Because having your children thousands of miles away during a global crisis means that you can’t be sure they can get home or that you can get to them in a crisis.

Gosh do you have any idea of what's happening in the world?! I have Indian friends who've sent their children to boarding schools here and they've kept them here because of the deteriorating/crisis situation in India. As it stands, there's no guarantee the parents will be able to secure a place in a hospital if they contract C19. The last thing they want to do is to put their children in the same situation. My Indian friends are happy for their children to be here so if there was ever an emergency, they'd have the best healthcare available to them.

It seems to be the thing of the moment for an OP to announce that they must have hit a raw nerve. Heaven forbid that other posters could simply have a differing opinion! My favourite one to date was on a thread when a huge number of posters disagreed with the OP, who declared triumphantly that they must hit “some very very deep nerves” and their conclusion was that everyone who disagreed with them must have herpes.

They are in here to learn language to native standard (good native standard) and to have a better chance to succeed in super competitive job hunting. In some countries it does give you incredible advantage even compared to great local schools. I know a family who moved here so kids get that. Not because schools here would be better than where they are, but because it will move them to completely different level when entering a job market.

Well, this, too, but don't let this get in the way of a good bun fight based on incredible privilege due to accident of birth and can't make shift to learn another language to save themselves.

@EileenGC

Family time and hours that fit around school are more important that money to some people.

Paying the mortgage is more important to some people. Family time and hours that fit around school aren’t always the equivalent of paying the mortgage. Do you really struggle to understand that?

What’s that got to do with sending 7 year olds to boarding schools full time?

Everyone has bills and it’s all relative to the size of their income.

@TableFlowerss

*You're so naive. People's circumstances vary hugely and on threads about boarding school the closed mindedness of some people really comes out*

@BottleFlipper

Oh please, naive because I don’t find the concept of sending 7 year olds to boarding school appealing.....

No, naive because you can't accept that there are circumstances where it isn't a bad option or damaging for the child.

@EileenGC

I don’t think it’s as easy as that but as I’ve said previously, these surely have to be considered before embarking on a career that takes you overseas.

Some people are cool with that, others wouldn’t do it for a million pounds....

Exactly. I did consider it and I’m cool with it, but I can also see why it wouldn’t appeal to others. Doesn’t mean either style of parenting is better. Doesn’t mean parents who send their kids to board are horrible.

For reference, my job doesn’t mean my kids will be going to boarding schools, but I really couldn’t be bothered about someone else choosing to do the opposite. I’m in no position to judge other families. I would’ve loved boarding at 7, I could’ve escaped some of the daily abuse at least...

And that’s fair enough, if you’re cool with it and it works for you then good for you. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

They are in here to learn language to native standard (good native standard) and to have a better chance to succeed in super competitive job hunting. In some countries it does give you incredible advantage even compared to great local schools. I know a family who moved here so kids get that. Not because schools here would be better than where they are, but because it will move them to completely different level when entering a job market.

Well, this, too, but don't let this get in the way of a good bun fight based on incredible privilege due to accident of birth and can't make shift to learn another language to save themselves.

You do realise we learn a different language at school right? Obviously being English, it’s most convenient to us and we are extremely lucky that it’s the international language of business! (But we learn Spanish/French and the like...)

@TableFlowerss

**If you go into the MN race to the bottom spirit, technically it's a CHOICE as they could chose something else, work in a local factory or become a TA (keeping hours suitable with a life with young children).

Some posters really are stupid, or lack any ambition and interest**

@apooagnuandyou

How judgemental are you suggesting that TA aren’t ambitious! Ambition and money isn’t the most important thing in many families lives. Many people think family time is more important!!

don't be daft. I have nothing against TA, but I know no TA ever who can SURVIVE on their salary alone. It's a part-time job. Nothing wrong with it, but no one has the luxury to live and raise their kids on a part-time, term only job.

Family time is not more important than paying the bill, unless you come from a wealthy family and live on your trust fund.

Family time and hours that fit around school are more important that money to some people.

because you can buy a decent house, pay the bills and offer your kids a decent childhood on a part-time term only job? Where do you live, it sounds luxurious and unheard of.

Has anyone read the other thread where a poster is finding it very depressing they can't survive on a £30k+ salary without any help, but here TA earn enough to support an entire family (average salary £14k btw..) Yeah right.

If the children were here, they should be able to stay, if they want to go home, fine, go home, stay there for the duration of the pandemic.
Sod whizzing back and forth for holidays - carting germs backwards and forwards. Madness.

I know someone who lives overseas and her children were kept in uk boarding because she's a keyworker, she couldn't just leave her work and the children need to be in school getting an education, I don't really see how the pandemic makes it much different to before times really. They managed to get together for the summer holidays, the kids couldn't go back to the country their parents are in because they didn't know if they'd be to get back to school. Some people's jobs take them all over the world and they are important. Must be incredibly difficult for people posted overseas over the last year. I can completely understand people wanting to keep kids in boarding school where they can.

I went to boarding school because my parents lived overseas and it was actually cheaper to send me to boarding school in England than for me to go to one of a similar standard in the country we were living in.

I found myself with many military kids whose parents didn't want their lives to become constantly uprooted, kids of parents who were recovering from long time illnesses and kids from very unstable countries whose parents were fortunate enough to have enough money to send them abroad.

A lot of people on this thread have been very Judge mental and it seems to be because they've been cocooned in this sense of security living in a stable country where there is universal health care, a strong benefits system and work for most who want it.

Where I come from, the less fortunate die every day because of a lack of these things, and even the rich aren't safe. Some people really need to open their eyes and see what's happening in the world.

@Totalbeach yabu to keep writing global pandemic. Repeatedly. In every post. We know its global, that's what pandemic means.

[quote mikejardine]@Totalbeach yabu to keep writing global pandemic. Repeatedly. In every post. We know its global, that's what pandemic means.[/quote]
No it doesn’t. Pandemic is over many countries, global pandemic is over all countries.

What a strange thread. Personally in my current circumstances I wouldn't ever choose for my kids to go to boarding school but who knows the situation. And sending your kids to a school to have a great education that will set them up for life is hardly neglect

I spent the majority of my childhood being uprooted.
I moved between family members and friends, was fostered, lived in a residential rehab centre.
I moved countries, sometimes multiple times a year. I moved cities and towns more often than I can count.
I tried commuting between cities to just stay in one school for one year.

I wish I'd been offered to board.

And before you say it, I wasn't neglected by my family.

Some of these comments are ridiculous - family time is no more or less important than getting a good education, or kids socialising with friends, or having amazing holidays and experiencing the world. They are all important and as parents we try to balance it as best we can. Personally I would rather my kids went to boarding school and had a great time with their friends and quality time during holidays than in a household where parents are working part time with constant money worries. Luckily I don't have to make a choice between either but I don't judge people that do. Tbh my teens spend most of their time in their rooms talking to their friends anyway - I'm not sure teenagers appreciate family time in the same way as adults might do