To think it’s totally wrong to board children in another country during a global pandemic *title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[Totalbeach]

I live in a town with two boarding schools (junior and senior) and there’s another 3 - 18 school nearby. All are day as well as boarding. I assumed that they’d empty due to the pandemic but they are as packed as ever. As far as I understand, kids have always been able to fly home to parents as essential travel even during lockdowns etc, but many kids haven’t gone home for holidays due to quarantining restrictions either end. Pupils at the schools are largely from China but there are other nationalities too (including U.K. boarders of course).

AIBU to be totally shocked that even during a global pandemic families are willing to send their children overseas to live? I think it’s actually neglectful to the point of being deeply immoral. And I’m quite surprised that it’s even legal to have children age 7+ boarding in another country in the first place.

YABU It’s fine
YANBU It’s awful

I would wonder what the point in having children is if you’re going to ship them away and not dd them grow.... just my opinion

see them grow

Children in not even few locations in Western Scotland board during the week for secondary school and may have to remain over weekends if the weather is too bad. There is no school nearer their home. Their board is paid by the council.

Why would it be okay as a parent to put your child on a flight from school to their home country in a global pandemic when they are safe at school?

@TableFlowerss

I would wonder what the point in having children is if you’re going to ship them away and not dd them grow.... just my opinion

not everyone can suddenly become a SAH parent

You might be homeschooling, but if you are not, you are being judged by homeschooling parents for not doing it yourself 😂

Do what you want for your family, but you are not in a position to judge or comment on other families.

@TableFlowerss

I would wonder what the point in having children is if you’re going to ship them away and not dd them grow.... just my opinion

Gosh, imagine! If there is a recession or industry re-shuffle during one's life and you have to take whatever job you can get to keep the wolf from the door. If circumstances change and you have to take some work and your kids can't be with you all the time! Shame on all those people who live in some places where it's common enough to have to take work abroad the support everyone, they're just not as good parents as you. .

I think, a few years ago, I'd have probably agreed with you, a bit.

However. DSD is at an international school in a country 2,500 miles away from here. She went there instead of sixth form. She's on a scholarship - not in a million years could we have paid for it an any form. It's been an extraordinary experience for her. There were some extremely hairy moments at the end of her first year when the school closed temporarily and she had to get back to the UK and the borders were literally closing around us - that was awful. Then she had to homeschool for a bit and hated that.
But she went back and she's had an incredible time. And I think has also had a considerably more normal experience in terms of being in the classroom than she would have if she'd stayed here and had to homeschool.

I couldn't send a little one away. But for the 17, now 18 year old I know, it's been an amazing experience. And she's going to go to university abroad now too (another few thousand miles away in a different direction). It's an opportunity I'd never have considered for any of our kids - we are soooo far from wealthy - but it's just done her so much good.

@Totalbeach

Are you just outraged by boarding school in general or does the pandemic add something?

The pandemic adds something. It’s the fact you can’t guarantee that you can get to your child in a crisis. You can send a 7 year old alone to another country but you can’t break quarantine to be with them SO you’re potentially always a good few days away from being with them even if they break their leg or just really, really need you.

There really can’t be many 7yr olds from overseas boarding in UK. I think you’ve used the pandemic theme to air your disgust at parents who’s children board. It’s been done on many threads already.

I guess the OP was in the mood for a bun fight.

I've never really put much thought into this situation but now I have and as long as they are safe and well looked after then it's no one's business. I don't know much about boarding schools but I'm guessing they were all kept in the grounds in their own little bubble and probably had a better lockdown than most kids given that they would have been able to still have contact with the other pupils boarding there.

If you were open minded, you might be able to see this from both sides OP. Overseas boarding comes with obvious shortcomings - even when there isn’t a pandemic there is the risk that you can’t get to your children quickly in an emergency. I can see that this is more likely in a pandemic due to the potential for flights being cancelled and quarantining.
On the other side, children in boarding schools this year have been more sheltered from the pandemic than most children. Life in schools isn’t completely normal of course, but being in a community with teachers and friends is a lot more normal (if that’s what you’re used to) than being at home with only immediate family and a computer.

So I can see where you’re coming from about being a long way from family during a pandemic, but I can also see the reason why it make sense for a lot of families to keep their children at overseas boarding school.

My dd is in school in Denmark. She lives with my sister and I have not seen her since August last year. I miss her like crazy and zoom/skype only does " so much"
the other side though is
She hated school in England
She was having some mental health issues
She struggled to make friends
She felt constantly negatively compared to her popular older brother.

So she chose to not do her A levels in the UK and is now in a school doing an International baccalaureate.
Her mental health is SO much better
She no longer feels compared to a brother no one else knows
She now loves school and is making friends
She is embracing her Danish heritage.

Doesn't change the fact her room is empty upstairs and I miss her badly.

However, as her mother, it is my job to ensure she gets the very best and that I support her in her wishes where reasonable.
This was a reasonable wish.

I wish I could have found this for her close by 100% but it simply wasn't a possibility. From how she is responding I suspect she will settle in Denmark and spend her life there.

The pandemic came without much warning. Would you have pulled your year 10 or year 12 child out in spring 2020? I do think you would have had to be quite determined to send them back in September 2020 and probably also September 2021 going into lower sixth form or anything less than year 11. Apparently it would take 6 weeks to get back to Hong Kong from the UK a while back - 3 weeks in a third country and three weeks quarantine in Hong Kong.

I wouldn’t do it but that is easy for us to say when we are not in the situation and thinking of moving schools. The November lockdown was hard enough for me and my boarding children with the exeats cancelled and no non essential travel so 6 weeks of non stop school and no visits. 🙁. I think the international students still have the option to be doing online learning but that must be even worse than it was before with everyone else back at school.

I think you are expressing incredible first world ignorance about the reality for people around the world and the chances their children have. With a public health system, basic human rights protections and a welfare system that (generally) means you’re not going to starve, of course it would be a weird decision to send children overseas during a pandemic. Or really at all.

For many middle-class families who are only a decade past real, grinding poverty, anything they can do to ensure their children don’t end up in this situation is worth the price. In highly competitive school systems like they have in China etc (going through school here to the point of being highly educated is a dawdle), getting a child an international education is often the only way to ensure they will be able to enjoy a safe middle class life.

You’re totally ignorant about how the world works. You seem to think their choice is between international education or a comfortable Home Counties education with a basically guaranteed uni place if they make half an effort.

@IHateWinter88

The alternative is to do what almost everyone does - send your kids to a school near where you live

Are you being thick? You realize that the reason the kids are in the UK in the first place because there are no schools or no decent schools where the parents live. Has it not occurred to you that the rest of the world isn't living some middle class dream and choosing to send their kids 2000km away for no reason?

People with enough money to do this are surely extremely unlikely to be the ones with 'no schools or no decent schools' near where they live.

It may be fine for the oldest pupils at these schools, but I'd worry about the emotional damage done to the youngest children from being sent thousands of miles away to another country and culture for weeks and weeks at a time.

Some countries' cultures don't see family life in the same way as others. In some cultures the grandparents tend to look after the children, sometimes well away from the family home, whilst the parents work. If wealthy they will send their children to boarding school, sometimes abroad. They think they are doing the best for their children, giving them the best opportunities. As it is their cultural norm I assume most of them won't feel their families have abandoned them.

My parents were/are amazing. One of my earliest memories of my father was getting up early to wave him off as he had to go and work offshore. He came from a poor immigrant family. His family valued education and strove and worked so hard to secure it as best they could for their 5 children. He worked whilst doing engineering degrees. When the crash hit in the early 80s, he had to go abroad a lot to support his family. We sometimes joined him when it was safe in the area; we girls went to boarding school twice. He was an amazing parent and husband, my parents were married 56 years before he died last year.

I know a school, very well in fact, which has quite a lot of Chinese boarders, has done so for years.

Their results have certainly gone up, they used to be single sex St Trinians type place.

It always gave a gentle education to the girls. A friend's daughter went there. She did quite well after she left.

We can't judge different cultures to our own, any more than can they judge us.

It is often expected that a Chinese couple's only child has some education abroad, they grow up knowing that. It's not completely harsh, if a child was unhappy or ill, they'd be brought home. However they seem to do very well.

As long as children are well cared for and reasonably happy (nobody is ever completely so), - it's not my business.

A little cultural enrichment for you, op; for me too, I haven't read it, only seen him interviewed on TV, or listened to him play.
www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/books/lang-lang/journey-of-a-thousand-miles/9780385524575?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI38aHt-ie8AIVFNZ3Ch3N6gYCEAQYASABEgIv3fD_BwE

People with enough money to do this are surely extremely unlikely to be the ones with 'no schools or no decent schools' near where they live.

That is NOT true in many, many places.

I don’t think you know what actual neglect is... I’d imagine children who are experiencing actual neglect would give anything to be sent to a school that provides them a comfortable environment, provides nutritious meals everyday, opportunities to pursue whatever hobbies they want and a world class education. Stop being so obtuse.

Boarded children actually had the best education possible during this pandemic. They have kept their regular classes without interruption, have kept their social groups, and most of their normal activities.
No gap in education like normal schoolchildren and continuous contact with their peers and friends. I think they did pretty well actually, and were lucky!

Has it occurred to you; many parents sacrifice their own feelings to give their child the best start by sending them to be educated in a safe clean stable country with a functioning health service and social care back up. Security against the dangers of war, terrorism, dictators at home, political upheaval in a country with no safety net.

So in worst case scenario ( parents disappear, die, are imprisoned, ruined), The System in the UK is an absolute guarantee that their child will be safe. Protected and cared for to age 18.

If I were in India, I would want my child anywhere else.

YABU.

I wouldn't personally want to send my child away, and certainly not at 7, but if other parents thought it was for the best and felt they were giving their child the best opportunity they could then why is that an issue?

Having made the decision to board (for whatever reason), their education continues. The children won't be mixing freely with the whole school as they would have done, but they'll still be getting their education and actually have the company of similar aged children in their boarding house, which many didn't have here during lockdown, having to stay at home in their own family bubble.