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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my DC away in term time

113 replies

GrapeTwine · 26/04/2021 17:24

DC isn't yet in school but I have two DSC in primary school.

My parents often go on trips away, abroad or UK (appreciate abroad trips not likely at the moment but they have a holiday home abroad when this starts up again) during term time as obviously it's cheaper for them.

They have started inviting me and DC to come along sometimes too.

I don't earn a huge amount but am okay so whenever I go, either I or occasion my parents, pay.

DH now saying he thinks it's unfair as we don't often go away during the school holidays with DSC (we have been before but we can't always afford it).

I want to make the most of it whilst DC young enough to not need to go in school holidays.

AIBU?

To clarify It's only ever me and DC that go, DH stays home and has DSC as normal so no contact being missed or anything.

OP posts:

Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout · 26/04/2021 17:36

So DH misses out on a holiday with his DW & DC, so no opportunity for happy family memories or family holiday trips, and he doesn’t get to take his other DC on holiday ever but you & his DC do get to have holidays?

PinkCookie11 · 26/04/2021 17:38

I couldn’t leave my two other kids out and DH!

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2021 17:39

If your parents have a holiday home abroad, do they not let you stay there for free?

NicolaDunsire · 26/04/2021 17:40

Yanbu imo. I used to take my kids away with my parents before they were at school, DH would be working. One of the perks of being a SAHM with pre school age kids!

PinkCookie11 · 26/04/2021 17:41

@NicolaDunsire yeah but she’s saying to leave her two other DC at home. Different when all pre school age

NicolaDunsire · 26/04/2021 17:43

[quote PinkCookie11]@NicolaDunsire yeah but she’s saying to leave her two other DC at home. Different when all pre school age[/quote]
It’s her DSC who stay behind with their dad. I’m sure this will get heated but I think it’s reasonable for OP to take her children to stay with her parents without her DSC too.

EasterEggBelly · 26/04/2021 17:45

I’d take my kids out of school to go on holiday. I wouldn’t leave the DSC at home, unless their mother refused permission.

PinkCookie11 · 26/04/2021 17:45

I get people would but I couldn’t leave kids out, DSC or not.

edwinbear · 26/04/2021 17:50

If your parents own a holiday home, it's not that different to you travelling with your DC to visit them in their own home in the UK is it? Presumably you'd do that in term time, without SDC? I don't think it's an issue. If you could get over there with the SDC once in school holidays it would be great, but understand the cost of flights x 5 in the holidays could be prohibitive. Does their mum take them away at all i.e. do they get some holidays?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/04/2021 17:55

Presumably the step children have holidays with their mother without their sibling (aka your baby), so it isnt unfair that your baby gets a holiday without them.

I do think effort should be made outside of this to take a holiday as a whole family - even if this has to be UK/caravan or similar for costs).

Crunchymum · 26/04/2021 17:57

Did the OP say her parents have a holiday home?

Redlocks28 · 26/04/2021 17:58

Yes, I would take my own pre schoolers on holiday with my parents in term-time and leave the SC as they will be in school.

Gazelda · 26/04/2021 18:00

@Crunchymum

Did the OP say her parents have a holiday home?

Yes, they have a holiday home overseas.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2021 18:00

@Crunchymum

Did the OP say her parents have a holiday home?

(appreciate abroad trips not likely at the moment but they have a holiday home abroad when this starts up again)

Unless it's not actually theirs?

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2021 18:01

By not actually theirs, I mean a timeshare or joint ownership or something.

Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/04/2021 18:03

It's 100% fine you tkwe your dc away and dp takes his or not if he can't afford it. Who cares? They go away with their mum and you go away as a whole unit so times. This si fine and normal.
Ds and I go away just us or with extended family, me and dp and ds do too rarely nd so times me ds and all dsc go away. The dsc go away with grandparents. Their mom and us.
No one misses out everyone just has various different holidays and it's fine. Kids never even bat an eyelid.

NorthernMC · 26/04/2021 18:04

YANBU. Your DSC have a Mum who could take them so it’s unfair to expect you and Dc to only go away with DSC as then the DSc will be getting more. If it was you, DH and DC going excluding DSC regularly that would be unreasonable but this is a different situation. Could you maybe only go occasionally with your parents and save for a family trip with the DSC also?

user1471517900 · 26/04/2021 18:07

So DH never gets a holiday away. This is the massively unfair bit of the whole thing.

Original poster

GrapeTwine · 26/04/2021 18:11

@WorraLiberty

If your parents have a holiday home abroad, do they not let you stay there for free?

Yes they do but flights alone can be ridiculous in the holidays for 5, plus costs whilst there etc ..

We don't never go away together, just not as often.

OP posts:

Original poster

GrapeTwine · 26/04/2021 18:12

@EasterEggBelly

I’d take my kids out of school to go on holiday. I wouldn’t leave the DSC at home, unless their mother refused permission.

That's not really my choice and their parents wouldn't agree to this I imagine.

OP posts:

1Morewineplease · 26/04/2021 18:13

If your DC is a pre-schooler then it's fine.
Once they are at school, it's not fine.
Maths, in particular, is quite modular, in that a skill is learned and the you move on to the next stage.
Two weeks out of school can cause a huge gap in their maths learning.

Pumperthepumper · 26/04/2021 18:14

I think that’s fine, it has a short shelf life anyway because your youngest will start school eventually and you’ll be tied to school holidays for all of you. I’d definitely go.

Frustratedbeyondbelief · 26/04/2021 18:15

I'll tell you what.. dreadfully unpopular opinion on MN - but I am a se India wife NOT a second class citizen and if my parents had a holiday home abroad I would be going in term time WITH my husband. ! Why the hell should I and MY child be denied some happy family holiday memories because we can't afford school time with DSC.. however I would make sure I arranged it so that it was timed not to interfere with normal contact . So probably 5 days rather than a week I'd DH has dsc more than EOW .

I would also NOT expect DH to come if this affected the time off/cost of a holiday in UK he with DSC .

In the past in a similar situation - DSCs mum split the cost of flights with DH to enable them to have a holiday that neither she nor DH could afford on their own.

I don't know your relationship with DSC mum but could this be approached ?

Original poster

GrapeTwine · 26/04/2021 18:16

@1Morewineplease

If your DC is a pre-schooler then it's fine. Once they are at school, it's not fine. Maths, in particular, is quite modular, in that a skill is learned and the you move on to the next stage. Two weeks out of school can cause a huge gap in their maths learning.

Yes its only whilst they are not in school which is why I want to make most out of it

OP posts:

Frustratedbeyondbelief · 26/04/2021 18:16

Se India ?? Wtf .. second wife

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