To take my DC away in term time

[GrapeTwine]

DC isn't yet in school but I have two DSC in primary school.

My parents often go on trips away, abroad or UK (appreciate abroad trips not likely at the moment but they have a holiday home abroad when this starts up again) during term time as obviously it's cheaper for them.

They have started inviting me and DC to come along sometimes too.

I don't earn a huge amount but am okay so whenever I go, either I or occasion my parents, pay.

DH now saying he thinks it's unfair as we don't often go away during the school holidays with DSC (we have been before but we can't always afford it).

I want to make the most of it whilst DC young enough to not need to go in school holidays.

AIBU?

To clarify It's only ever me and DC that go, DH stays home and has DSC as normal so no contact being missed or anything.

Would be annoying if exh started using his holiday allowance to do this though, but stepmum doing it while on Mat leave or if she were a sahm I would think was fine.
I agree with this. Dads going on holiday without his children from previous relationship is not on. But dad isnt going.

Go on the holiday.

I get a lot more holiday than my dh and me and the children always go away without him. He also isnt very bothered about annual holidays for himself. He would rather stay home. If it was down to my dh we would never leave the house except for work. No way id stop planning things because he wasnt interested.

I don't think you should leave husband and step children out. the answer is no as a family we can't come as the older children are at school. Also no to taking children out in term time.

Does that mean the OP is never allowed to take her DC to visit their grandparents without bringing the SC along with her as well?

This is not a family holiday, it is the OP visiting her parents with her little one.

Pre-Covid, I used to take my DC to visit my parents all the time without my DH, who was working. We'd stay for a week or so so I could have a break and then come home.

Your DH needs to deal with whatever guilt he has. If course you should go with your DC and your parents. If DSC's mum going on holiday with your kids does she invite your child? It is an idiotic notion of everything has to be done together just because there are step children.
You should try and have some holidays with DH and DSC included but you are allowed to have holidays without them

If they are going abroad (and the grandparents don’t usually live abroad) I would say that was a holiday not just visiting grandparents

I think I got the impression OP was a sahm.

Still, as long as you have enough holiday to still take time off withy your DH and SC and this isn’t the factor that’s precluding a whole family holiday I think it’s fine. Or you don’t object if you have run out of holiday and DH takes the three kids away without you!

I don’t see the problem with this.

Presumably the SDC got years of breaks away and holidays when they were preschoolers long before OPs DC was born. Why should the youngest miss out?

But maybe my family is “weird”. It’s not unusual in my family (or friends of family) to have breaks away with one child or half the family (ie Dad and Daughter both history geeks off to London for the weekend, half the family off to Barcelona to watch a football match, “girls” trip to New York etc). Not every holiday has to be an entire family unit holiday. Usually we do one or two “family” holidays per year and then a couple of theatre/football/golf/shopping/theme park holidays with 2 or 3.

@minniemomo

I think doing it once a year if very cheap (under £200 all in) is fine but using all your leave and holiday budget isn't on, you need to do things as a family, you chose to have a child with a man who has kids

Why can't op spend £400 on a holiday with her parents and her only child? I have kids, I sometimes go away with one and not the other. And I don't count the pounds for disparity, I do something they enjoy and they say thank you! Some of my favourite memories as a child were having a day out just me and my mum. My brother also had time with just my mum. It wasn't tit for tat, it was when mum had money, leave, and somewhere interesting to take us. The £200 cut off is arbitrary! In some families that's peanuts, in others it is a small fortune. Either way it is OPs money, she doesn't have to pay for stepchildren's holidays, as her and their dad keep their finances separate.

All of you saying that OP shouldn’t ever leave her SC out, does that mean you also expect the OPs child to be taken away on holidays with the mother and grandparents of the SC? If not, why not?

Why shouldn’t the OPs child get a chance to holiday with just her and their grandparents? In all likelihood the SC get one to one holidays with their mother and grandparents that the OPs child naturally doesn’t get to be part of. Seems a bit like punishing the youngest to make a point by denying them an opportunity that the SC will get without question.

Not a SAHM but DC does only go to nursery 3 mornings a week, I'm SE and I do it from home, so no holiday allowance as such.

Ah I see.

My take on this is that it’s absolutely fine (posted up thread). I think as long as you are willing to take time off for a whole family holiday too, or don’t object to DH taking the three kids away without you if you can’t, then it’s fine.

So why doesn't he take his older kids away @GrapeTwine?

I actually see this as you and your child spending time with grandparents rather than a holiday really. If you can afford it (grandparents paying /helping) then go for it.

This is the grandparents holiday. They want to enjoy some of it with their grandchild.

The SCs presumably have grandparents of their own. There is nothing unreasonable about these trips, especially as OPs parents often pay anyway. Why should grandparents miss out on time with their GC because there are SCs who can't come because of school?

@SleepingStandingUp

So why doesn't he take his older kids away *@GrapeTwine*?

He does, just not very often as it's expensive in the school holiday as I've already said.

I think the only issue here would be if OP is spending money or holiday allowance which is preventing the whole family taking holidays outside termtime. You’re not depriving anyone else of a holiday they would otherwise have been able to have, you’re simply using the opportunity of DC not being in school and having free accommodation.

Doesn’t sound like this is the case so I think it’s absolutely fine.

@OneRankSuperior

I think the only issue here would be if OP is spending money or holiday allowance which is preventing the whole family taking holidays outside termtime. You’re not depriving anyone else of a holiday they would otherwise have been able to have, you’re simply using the opportunity of DC not being in school and having free accommodation.

Doesn’t sound like this is the case so I think it’s absolutely fine.

This. This is why I was asking about DH taking the big kids. I'd encourage him to take the older ones on his own on one holiday so they can do older stuff rather than having a baby in tow

I guess the way I see it is DSC do things with their Mum alone, our DC does things with their Mum (me) alone. But all of the children spend the same amount of 'holiday' time with their Dad (on the occasions we do go somewhere all together) so I don't feel it's unfair on anyone.

That's not to say I'd be bothered if DH took DSC somewhere alone more suited to older children, theme park or whatever, I wouldn't. But on the occasions we have gone on holiday with DH, the DSC have of course been there too as he's Dad to all of them.

I would think your DH should be taking all three children on any holiday of his, but that the two Mums (you and his ex) are not bound to do so.

Although of course days out suitable to just older children is fine in my book.

How often a year does this happen OP? And how often do you all go away with DSC?

You can get very cheap holidays in school holidays (not this year!) so I think maybe that does need to be prioritised a bit. We had a week in a cottage in Northumberland 2 years ago for £700 in August, nothing fancy but next to the beach.

I think you should make the most of it while you can. It would be different if they were at school and you were taking them out but not the SC.
It's easy to justify it to the kids. They can't go because of school.

Probably about 3 / 4 times a year although it's not always for long periods.

We usually go away once all together but sometimes we haven't been at all and have just done day trips out instead in the summer holidays for example.

It's difficult as the time they are with us is set, DH and ex aren't very flexible with the contact so it's hard to shop around for the cheapest deals as we may not have them that week.

DSC have always been somewhere though, either with their Mum or us. Sometimes both.

Sounds like you’re doing fine OP. I wouldn’t sweat it! Are the DC all generally happy? That’s the main thing.

If it was my DS (7) I’d be saying “you can’t go because your education is so important” or similar - to make him feel that he’s important in it all, rather than left out.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I would think your DH should be taking all three children on any holiday of his, but that the two Mums (you and his ex) are not bound to do so.

This is what I think yes. It is different with DH as all kids are his. Although I wouldn't actually mind if he did take DSC somewhere but I don't think it's directly comparable.