To take my DC away in term time

[GrapeTwine]

DC isn't yet in school but I have two DSC in primary school.

My parents often go on trips away, abroad or UK (appreciate abroad trips not likely at the moment but they have a holiday home abroad when this starts up again) during term time as obviously it's cheaper for them.

They have started inviting me and DC to come along sometimes too.

I don't earn a huge amount but am okay so whenever I go, either I or occasion my parents, pay.

DH now saying he thinks it's unfair as we don't often go away during the school holidays with DSC (we have been before but we can't always afford it).

I want to make the most of it whilst DC young enough to not need to go in school holidays.

AIBU?

To clarify It's only ever me and DC that go, DH stays home and has DSC as normal so no contact being missed or anything.

Do you not think it sends a message both to your child and step children? You're creating a divide surely? I mean you talk about holidays weeks, months and years after and forevermore they're out of that conversation. As well as that leaving your dh working- same thing. You sound like you're decided but it just seems a bit of sad set up to me. Sorry but (shrugs)

@stayathomer

Do you not think it sends a message both to your child and step children? You're creating a divide surely? I mean you talk about holidays weeks, months and years after and forevermore they're out of that conversation. As well as that leaving your dh working- same thing. You sound like you're decided but it just seems a bit of sad set up to me. Sorry but (shrugs)

How many holidays aged 2 or 3 yrs do you remember ?

It’s totally fine!! Not mean at all to the DSC if your DH isn’t going!

Of course it’s fine.

How many holidays aged 2 or 3 yrs do you remember ?
None but my family TALK about holidays we went to when we were babies, toddlers etc, that's what happens, you go, have fun or something happens and it becomes part of your family history

Again, you seem to be fine that your DH misses out on all these holidays. That is surely the main unfairness here, family money is being spent on these breaks, and he isn't getting away through no fault of his own.

@stayathomer

Do you not think it sends a message both to your child and step children? You're creating a divide surely? I mean you talk about holidays weeks, months and years after and forevermore they're out of that conversation. As well as that leaving your dh working- same thing. You sound like you're decided but it just seems a bit of sad set up to me. Sorry but (shrugs)

Surely there’s a divide anyway unless the SC live with their younger brother full time?

Good Lord, I've got 4 kids aged between 13 and 23 and this July is the last time I will be taking my youngest out of school in term time and that's only because we had no choice but to reschedule it to them as it was all we can afford.

So I told my youngest that as she's doing her GCSEs from September, no more trips in term. She gets it. But she knows she's had a great time in the past.

We normally go away in may and combine it with mayday and local school closures for voting so don't get fined. Otherwise my kids would have been lucky to get away to even a caravan as I'm a serious bargain Hunter. We never pay more than £150-200 per person per week abroad including car hire.

My dd does think it's unfair that I am still going to be going away with my sister and her younger kids every may. But why shouldn't I? Her dad hasn't always been able to make it away with us.

surely there’s a divide anyway unless the SC live with their younger brother full time?
Possibly, but a trip away could really cement things

Do you work op and how is finance organised? If you're taking most of your leave to go on holid5 with DS a d using joing money to do so, meaning DH cannot afford to take him kids away, I can understand why he's upset. I do think it needs to not impede his ability to do stuff with his kids too.

Presumably your husband's children go away with their mum occasionally? And your DC isn't invited because he's nothing to do with her?

Take your child away while you can while flights are cheap. And let them spend time with their grandparents.

Your stepchildren have different grandparents and another mother. And I'm sure you don't begrudge them spending time with them.

I wouldn't leave my DSC at home, it would be all of us or none, unless they were on hols with their other parent at the same time

This isn't a holiday. You're taking your DC to visit their grandparents. The SC don't need to come because your parents are not their grandparents.

The problem arises because you have labelled a family visit as a holiday. It's fine for you to visit your parents with your little one.

If you go away with DS, does it prevent DH from able to go away with his own DC?

I think it's fine. You are taking your DC to stay with their grandparents, at their holiday home. It doesn't disadvantage anyone, and I'm sure the stepchildren get to go on holidays your DC won't be going on.

@stayathomer

How many holidays aged 2 or 3 yrs do you remember ? None but my family TALK about holidays we went to when we were babies, toddlers etc, that's what happens, you go, have fun or something happens and it becomes part of your family history

Step kids will talk about their holidays with the own mum and ops child won't go on them....

I think it’s fine, especially as it has such a clear end point. I do think you need plans in place for a family holiday with all of you though.

I sometimes take 1 of my DC on a trip (family in London) and leave the other with DH, then swap for the next time. No resentment, works perfectly, I don’t see how this is much different.

I think it's fine that you go with your child to your parents holiday home but your h is not unreasonable to point out that the money spent could be used towards a family holiday (you, dc, dsd,h)

I went to my parents holiday home loads of times with DC before they started school. Left DH at home, we still went away as a family though. I have also taken youngest dc out of school to go and left the eldest at home as they were getting ready for GCSE"S.
load of bollocks their education is ruined by missing a few weeks a year, could be off the same amount with sickness.

I’d not be happy with this and think it’s unfair on your DH. You could save the money so all of you get a holiday not just a select few. Also sets a divide imo between the children.

Do it OP, ignore the naysayers. I used to with DS. DSS (ex) used to go away with his mum and grandparents too.

EXH used to get a bit pissy but like you OP, my parents paid often.

I think it is nice that families take time to "do their own thing".

Could your DH take the opportunity to have a mini trip with his child, doing something ridiculously unsuitable for preschoolers? I think theme parks are open, or a footie/rugby match? Maybe horse riding/surfing/climbing lesson? Even a tent in the garden or a couple of takeaways would probably go down well.

@stayathomer

surely there’s a divide anyway unless the SC live with their younger brother full time? Possibly, but a trip away could really cement things

Or give them some decent alone time with their father.

OP's parents don't live abroad (unless I've misunderstood) so this isn't true. She's literally joining them on a holiday.

Our finances are mainly kept separate. I had a bad experience financially in an previous abusive relationship and I just prefer to have my own money now. We pay bills 50:50 but we do it so say DH pays phone bills, I pay internet, he pays water, I pay electric and so on... We only have a joint savings account.

I don't spend a huge amount going on these trips. It's things like, for example, they'll book a cottage at the lakes with two rooms and I'll drive down (a couple of hours away) for a few days / occasionally a week and join them, that sort of thing. So really it's usually only petrol and some ice creams whilst we are there kind of thing.

When they do go out to the house abroad (outside of Covid times obviously!) The flights are pretty cheap outside of school hols so again, not spending hundreds and it all comes from either my money or my parents pay sometimes too.