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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my DC away in term time

113 replies

GrapeTwine · 26/04/2021 17:24

DC isn't yet in school but I have two DSC in primary school.

My parents often go on trips away, abroad or UK (appreciate abroad trips not likely at the moment but they have a holiday home abroad when this starts up again) during term time as obviously it's cheaper for them.

They have started inviting me and DC to come along sometimes too.

I don't earn a huge amount but am okay so whenever I go, either I or occasion my parents, pay.

DH now saying he thinks it's unfair as we don't often go away during the school holidays with DSC (we have been before but we can't always afford it).

I want to make the most of it whilst DC young enough to not need to go in school holidays.

AIBU?

To clarify It's only ever me and DC that go, DH stays home and has DSC as normal so no contact being missed or anything.

OP posts:
Zelda93 · 26/04/2021 19:30

Absolutely fine .. I don't see an issue in that at all and we will be doing the same and I have a DSC but doesn't cause any type of divide..

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/04/2021 19:51

If my kids’ step Mum took her baby/ dc’s sibling away in term time with her parents I would not think there was a problem at all!

Would be annoying if exh started using his holiday allowance to do this though, but stepmum doing it while on Mat leave or if she were a sahm I would think was fine.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 26/04/2021 19:54

I don't spend a huge amount going on these trips. It's things like, for example, they'll book a cottage at the lakes with two rooms and I'll drive down (a couple of hours away) for a few days / occasionally a week and join them, that sort of thing. So really it's usually only petrol and some ice creams whilst we are there kind of thing.

But surely it's also using up your annual leave, meaning less time to go away as a family at other times?

PurpleFlower1983 · 26/04/2021 19:56

If I wasn’t a teacher I would do it!

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 26/04/2021 20:01

Just personal opinion and we are a blended family but no I wouldn't go away with one child and leave dh and dsc at home.

Totally get where your coming from but if it's a few times a year that money could be saved up to afford a school break holiday together.

Do they never book the few days break over a weekend so you could all go Friday to Sunday and enjoy the time as a blended family?

FakeColinCaterpillar · 26/04/2021 20:10

I would take advantage and go.

I am from a large family. Myself and the next 2 siblings in age when away with my parents whilst the older ones (over 16) stayed at home. No way could they have ever taken us all. Honestly no one was that bothered in the end. It was accepted as that’s how money was. I have zero memory of any of the older ones complaining (they complained about other stuff 😂)

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 26/04/2021 20:18

@GrapeTwine

Our finances are mainly kept separate. I had a bad experience financially in an previous abusive relationship and I just prefer to have my own money now. We pay bills 50:50 but we do it so say DH pays phone bills, I pay internet, he pays water, I pay electric and so on... We only have a joint savings account.

I don't spend a huge amount going on these trips. It's things like, for example, they'll book a cottage at the lakes with two rooms and I'll drive down (a couple of hours away) for a few days / occasionally a week and join them, that sort of thing. So really it's usually only petrol and some ice creams whilst we are there kind of thing.

When they do go out to the house abroad (outside of Covid times obviously!) The flights are pretty cheap outside of school hols so again, not spending hundreds and it all comes from either my money or my parents pay sometimes too.

I misunderstood. I assumed a villa abroad so flights, maybe a hire car etc so £100s of pounds.

If your h can't afford a get away it's a good time to do something that your child is too young for eg a theme park

NailsNeedDoing · 26/04/2021 20:22

I can see why your dp feels a bit left out when you get to have lovely holidays with your children and he doesn’t, but you’re doing nothing wrong. I’m normally all for sticking up for the children from a first relationship as they usually get a raw deal, but this is completely irrelevant to your step child because their father isn’t going on the trips.

Your trips aren’t costing the family money, so the problem is one that only exists in your dps head. If he wants to be able to go away with you and all his children, he’ll need to find a way to pay for that to happen.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/04/2021 20:23

My dh gets all school holidays off. Sometimes he takes our kids away for a few nights at a time I cannot take annual leave. I'm not sat huffing about it. If her husband wants a holiday he can either come along on hers or book one for them all.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/04/2021 20:24

What about Al?

To me the decider would be: Can you not go on holiday as a family because you're going away with little one on your own? Do you object to him taking his kids without the little one in school holidays?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/04/2021 21:13

Yanbu. People get crazy about this stuff but imho it's just an extension of you taking your DC off to visit their DGP. No doubt your DSC get taken to visit their own maternal DGP and probably get treats/trips with them, why should your DC be restricted from seeing their own?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/04/2021 21:15

Oh and I go away lots in school holiday without DH because he gets less annual leave than me. DD also gets fun day trips with me during school term that DS misses - DS got his time to do these things when he was younger, he's not hard done by!

Dishwashersaurous · 26/04/2021 21:18

do you both have the same amount of annual leave? Are you still able to have a holiday as a family?

Dishwashersaurous · 26/04/2021 21:19

And there's only five years max until child is in school so finite time

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/04/2021 21:21

Do you not think it sends a message both to your child and step children? You're creating a divide surely? I mean you talk about holidays weeks, months and years after and forevermore they're out of that conversation.

There is a divide. Her DSC have got their own mum and will have lots of lovely memories with her that OPs baby does not get to share in.

EsmeeMerlin · 26/04/2021 21:34

I wouldn’t think twice of going. Do people never do anything with their toddler when their older children are at school?! All this talk of leaving children out and a divide.

I have gone for days out, soft play and a 5 day holiday with toddler ds2 while ds1 has been with his dad. He should be able to enjoy things during term time when things are quieter just like ds1 did. That’s our thinking. Likewise I often take ds1 for days out on his own and have legoland booked for 2 days with just me and him.

yogamatted · 26/04/2021 22:02

Totally fine, why would you not be able to go? I have taken my own younger children away with grandparents and left the school age ones home with DH. Families do not have to do everything together. Your DSC will have other opportunities for holidays with their DM, as well as trips away with all 5 of you.

minniemomo · 26/04/2021 22:10

I think doing it once a year if very cheap (under £200 all in) is fine but using all your leave and holiday budget isn't on, you need to do things as a family, you chose to have a child with a man who has kids

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 27/04/2021 06:09

You are taking your DC to visit their grandparents. There really isn't a problem here.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/04/2021 06:15

[quote PinkCookie11]@NicolaDunsire yeah but she’s saying to leave her two other DC at home. Different when all pre school age[/quote]
They're not her DC & they can go on holiday with their mum

Why should she miss out on going on holiday with her parents & her DC because her DH is restricted to school holidays??

@GrapeTwine. Go with your DC & your parents while you can.

Ylvamoon · 27/04/2021 06:20

Just go! You are spending time with your parents and DC. Not sure why some think you have to drag DH and DSC along every time you do something that is considered fun.

Jimdandy · 27/04/2021 06:21

@NicolaDunsire I agree.

I often go away with my kids and no husband as he’s self employed etc. If her parents pay then it’s nothing to do with the DSC. same as if the DSC’s grandparents deciddd to take them away her kids wouldn’t go

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/04/2021 06:33

@PinkCookie11

I couldn’t leave my two other kids out and DH!
So you'd deny your child a holiday with their grandparents, because the SC can't be taken out of school to holiday with your parents? When they have their own mother & her parents as well? Cant you see how that's unfair on your own child? And the grandparents?!
AlmostSummer21 · 27/04/2021 06:37

@minniemomo

I think doing it once a year if very cheap (under £200 all in) is fine but using all your leave and holiday budget isn't on, you need to do things as a family, you chose to have a child with a man who has kids
Do you restrict the SC's mum from taking them away?

The OP can spend HER time & money on her child, just as their mum can spend her time & money on her children.

Countrygirl2021 · 27/04/2021 06:39

Another problem with mixing families.

I don't think you should leave husband and step children out. the answer is no as a family we can't come as the older children are at school. Also no to taking children out in term time.