Is it rude for people to comment on who your child looks like ?

[nonaomi]

For example - wow Rosie really looks like her mother doesn't she ! Or, wow I can really see her father in her. Etc. Is it rude to do that?

@nonaomi

For example - wow Rosie really looks like her mother doesn't she ! Or, wow I can really see her father in her. Etc. Is it rude to do that?

What is hilarious is that people say this about my brother, who is adopted

Nope it’s not rude.
However there was a thread recently about a very new mother who had been deeply upset that everyone had said her newborn looked liked it’s father and not like her!!

@Smartiepants79 I saw that thread! She was given a really hard time for it too.

Actually I never do it, and I remember disliking it intensely as a child when relatives we hadn't seen for a while would be staring at me and finding resemblances to relatives I may have loved, but didn't particularly want to look like.

Likewise with babies I always think the comments imply an opinion on the looks of the baby and of the person they are supposed to resemble. I don't comment on children's looks one way or the other if I can help it!

It's not rude but I wouldn't recommend telling teenage girls that they look like their dad. That's not going to be well received and it could make them feel bad as they're hearing that they look like an old man.

No it's not rude.

People generally want to pass comment. It's not offensive, it's one of those things.

I have a half Filipino much younger sister, we always got asked when we took her out if she was adopted. I've got twins, people asked me all the time if they were IVF.

I'm adopted, I was always told like I look my dad. Nope, don't, but again people just want something to say.

My MIL used to really tie herself into knots to try and find ways DS looked like DH and his side of the family even though he was a spitting image of me, when she was going through her phase of not liking me. Now that is rude! Luckily things are better now (and DS looks more like DH as he has got older)

Unless you know the child is adopted, maybe, but then it would be more weird than rude I'd say

It’s funny because of all of my kids the one who everyone comments as being most like me, is adopted. I find it amusing, especially when it’s people who know.

I suppose people don’t do it at a baby group because they only know one parent - plus babies generally are much of a muchness - and people are contracting on their own wonderful babies and haven’t got the time or inclination to admire other people’s offspring.

However with older dcs it’s quite normal to point out family likenesses. I remember my, cousin who aspired to being a model throwing a strop when someone said we looked very alike. Obviously to resemble me was a terrible insult

When DD was born my Mum said for ages ‘She looks absolutely nothing like you’. Which upset me. There’s a lot of background there though with her.

@idontlikealdi I’m pregnant with twins and I’ve had people ask me if they’re ‘natural twins’ so weird. I didn’t have IVF but if I did surely that’s such a rude question to ask someone!

I once said it to a lovely bloke I was chatting to at the park and it turned out his son was adopted, but he was thrilled! I was lucky that time, but I have been more cautious about saying it to strangers since - I don't see how it's rude with people you know.

Not exactly rude no, but on the other hand when you are with people you don't know all that well and in these days when there are so many blended families, it is probably best to steer clear of talking about other people's appearance anyway.

No, it's not rude in my opinion.

Not rude!
But I'm always surprised when people say "oh she's the image of you!". She looks like her father. So I do think people say it when it isnt true and that can be hard to respond to!

My MIL always says mine look like her or their dad. Never said they look like me or my family. My second looks like his dad more it's really obvious. She was saying how much he looks like his dad and then she went on to say the eldest has always looked like me I always thought he looks more like me but pitied her for saying it about my first so never said anything. It really can be more than a passing comment but I couldn't be bothered getting upset. I'll always be their mum

Not rude but I don't get why people need to say it, let babies and children look like themselves without being compared to anyone else.

I don't think it's rude at all, but people do say the oddest things sometimes, for example my father-in-law once told me my eldest took after his father as he has dark brown hair - umm no I think it's because he is 1/4 Asian from my side 😂

No. Though my friend was insulted her DD was the image of her Dad large jaw etc and thought people were being spiteful.

@iwantanap that was like my xmil!
My dd inherited her straight hair from her, her musical ear from her, her ability to pick up dance moves quickly from her. From me, her own mother, she inherited eczema 😄😅

No

To be honest l find it funny when people used to say to me you look just like your mum (petite and olive skinned) and 2 minutes later people someone else would say l looked just like my dad (tall, very fair and a boxers nose).

Though my friend was insulted her DD was the image of her Dad large jaw etc and thought people were being spiteful.

In fairness, it is not a compliment, and better left unsaid.

It doesn’t bother me at all but it did amuse me when I was a nanny to a newborn and people said he looked like ‘his mum’ (meaning me). I’d smile and nod politely and in my head think you’ve never seen his mum!

Yeh once a man said to my friend "I bet you look more like your father than your mother". She didnt have dainty little features and we both thought it was 'negging'.

Perhaps if you had said something like " oh your child doesn't look anything like you does he?" Then maybe that would offend someone. Or if you said they look like the dad when you know they aren't involved some people might be upset by that but I think saying they look like a parent isn't usually offensive.