Is it rude for people to comment on who your child looks like ?

[nonaomi]

For example - wow Rosie really looks like her mother doesn't she ! Or, wow I can really see her father in her. Etc. Is it rude to do that?

No. It definitely gets boring every time you go out with a baby, having the same old chat, but there's little else to say about a baby!

Rude would be the truth: oh, doesn't he/she look like a cheery potato, and isn't her cradle cap really sprouting now?

I wouldn’t comment just in case it wasn’t their mom or dad. My SIL was showing me some holidays photos of them all, & I was just about to say that Tom looked just like his dad when I realized that it wasn’t actually his dad🤔

No, it's fine.

FWIW I'm not my daughter's bio mum and it never bothers me when people comment. If I don't know them/am never likely to run into them again I just smile and nod; if I expect to get to know them a bit better I might comment that it's not a biological resemblance they're seeing, but there's nothing offensive or hurtful in it.

I do know someone who got super fed up with everyone telling her her DD looked just like her MIL, though. It was absolutely the truth, but she either couldn't or wouldn't see it.

As long as you don't say the child is the spit of the milkman, you are golden.

@SarahAndQuack aw thanks for sharing that from your perspective.

Totally get the mother in law thing- that would make my blood boil hahahaha

I have said this before but not very often-probably 2/3 times in the last 10/15 years. How often are you saying it??

Children are very uninteresting, but it's rude to ignore their presence entirely, so it's one of the few things people can comment on.

Only if the baby or parent is particularly ugly!!

I don't think it's rude necessarily but can be very irritating in different contexts. For example, the dad's family constantly commenting on how much the baby is like him to the mum can feel a bit territorial.

"Oh he/she's such an (x family name)", etc etc.

That gets annoying.

DNiece was the spitting image of her (bald, 70s, dour) paternal grandad from about 8-18 months. It properly wound my sister up 😁

It isn’t rude, but as others have said, be aware of sensitivities around adoption, egg donation, step-parents or affairs.

@Howshouldibehave oh not often ! I'm part of a baby group and mentioned it about two of the babies at different times.

I comment on my nieces and nephews more, but that's together with their parents. They do it all the time : ' George really looks like uncle Harry in that photo ' kind of thing. But that's different and we do it together. I know they don't think it's rude. They constantly tell me my child looks nothing like me and we laugh about it.

@aSofaNearYou oh yes it can be very territorial if done that way- I know how that feels as husband's family do it. But a fact is a fact hahah.

@DisgruntledPelican hahah aw bless her. My brother likes to wind me up by saying my DD is the spitting image of my mother in law

Children are very uninteresting, but it's rude to ignore their presence entirely,
I'm sure they love you too.

[quote nonaomi]@aSofaNearYou oh yes it can be very territorial if done that way- I know how that feels as husband's family do it. But a fact is a fact hahah. [/quote]
I know my DPs parents would 100% do that if they could as I've seen it with other kids in the family, but luckily (for me) DD looks more like me!

No although my in laws used to account all of DDs features to their family - like oh she’s got her dad lips, her grandmothers eyes etc until I half jokingly said where am I in her.

Eh? Of course it isn't.

I've seen a lot of women (online) get really annoyed about their MILS saying their babies look like the father or the fathers side.
I say it to people all the time and people say it to me, it doesn't bother me

Definitely not rude but it's so annoying when said incessantly haha. My one friend says my son is the spitting image of his dad, which is fine because he does but she says it every single time she sees him!

@user648482729 ahahahhaha omg

According to my husband's family my DD is tall like her uncle, has straight hair like her aunt, has her dad's nose and lips and everything else too...

I mean this is annoying.. but OK it's family. My question was more geared towards strangers or friends who may mention ' oh Georgina looks like her father a lot does her she! ' as a one off...

Rather than the family stuff which is also fun.....

I think people just like to talk. I don't comment on any child's looks because you never know when it might hit a nerve. Saying nothing about anything seems to work best.

OP, what you said wouldn't have bothered me. I guess it really boils down to commenting only when you're certain that it's not going to cause an overreaction.

It used to wind me up when MIL made a big deal of saying how much my DD looked like her dad.
Like I had no part to play in the reproduction process. However I became to learn that I was probably so on edge because I had PTSD from the birth plus postnatal depression.
Now when she says it I just nod and smile.

@ForgedInFire yes I see this. For me it's not annoying when MIL says DD looks like her father, but it's annoying when she compares her to her other children ( DDs aunt and uncle ) ( which she does more actually ). That makes it feel like my child is actually just her 4th child.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I think you just never know if the child might be adopted or not biologically linked to the parents. So it's probably more polite to never mention it. This is probably why people in my baby group don't ever mention it. They're extremely polite. They don't even ever say they're opinion about anything properly, even when you ask for it. Or when you ask for advice. It's never very direct and always so considerate- just in case it could offend.

*their