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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed rather than sympathetic about OH's injury?

153 replies

HST58 · 25/04/2021 19:07

OH is 35 and has played football every weekend for years. We have two young children and I'm pregnant with a third.

The older he's got the more often he's coming home with injuries that render him unable to do much - which then means everything childcare and house related is left to me. I already do the lions share of everything as it is.

He has broken his arm before, fractured his wrist, had nasty sprains and various other injuries that mean he's laid up, unable to do much at home or not able to participate in other things that need doing. He's had time off work because his injuries mean he can't walk well or lift things.

I will admit there is some underlying resentment on my part as far as the football goes because he's out of the home all day after barely being present as it is because he works nights. This may be clouding my judgement.

Today he came back from football with a foot injury which he thinks might be broken, he can't walk properly on it and plans to go to A&E.

I'm struggling to find any sympathy and instead I'm silently pissed off because this means even more grunt work for me despite him having two nights off work now.

The nursery run will now be down to me (which is the one thing he does always do, to his credit)

The weekly shop

The housework

Running around after the kids.

Honestly, am I being awful?

OP posts:
Purplewithred · 25/04/2021 19:11

Disappearing off to play football for hours would make me cross, and definitely no sympathy for the injuries.

Original poster
HST58 · 25/04/2021 19:14

@Purplewithred

Disappearing off to play football for hours would make me cross, and definitely no sympathy for the injuries.
Thank you.

I really can't seem to find any sympathy at all which I feel quite horrid about as he's obviously in pain.

I was already annoyed about the football this morning because it coincided with something else, as usual.

If it's broken he'll now need time off work so there's the financial hit too.

OP posts:
movintothecountry · 25/04/2021 19:16

Time to have a convo about the fact he's getting too old for amateur contact sports? He needs to take up something less impact ful

Original poster
HST58 · 25/04/2021 19:17

@movintothecountry

Time to have a convo about the fact he's getting too old for amateur contact sports? He needs to take up something less impact ful
Definitely. Something needs to be said. I've had enough of it.
OP posts:
weltenbummler · 25/04/2021 19:18

Sounds like he is not fit enough for level of football he engages in if he is constantly injured. Time for him to reassess things. He is not the young fit lad he once was and needs to adjust his hobbies to suit his duties as husband and father. No cups of tea from me and no TLC. If he plans to be off sick he can do the grocery shopping via internet and the laundry folding and ironing while sitting down

Original poster
HST58 · 25/04/2021 19:21

@weltenbummler

Sounds like he is not fit enough for level of football he engages in if he is constantly injured. Time for him to reassess things. He is not the young fit lad he once was and needs to adjust his hobbies to suit his duties as husband and father. No cups of tea from me and no TLC. If he plans to be off sick he can do the grocery shopping via internet and the laundry folding and ironing while sitting down
That is precisely what I'm going to be saying to him.

I'm relieved people can see where I'm coming from, I name changed as I was expecting a battering for being uncaring.

Not to sound like a drama queen, but not having to do the nursery run has really saved my sanity during this pregnancy. The nausea is horrid in the mornings and I struggle to function as it is. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
HST58 · 25/04/2021 19:23

Would he be able to walk on it at all if it were broken?

He walked two blocks back from the train station this morning and didn't seem in much pain at all then, it's since he's got up after sleeping that he's hobbling and wincing.

OP posts:
theresnoonequitelikegrandma · 25/04/2021 19:23

I have every sympathy with you - my XH was just the same with rugby but I was fortunate that the doctor in A&E looked at his notes and told him in no uncertain terms that he was too old to play without injury and was putting unnecessary strain on the Health Service - and he listened to her (unlike me when I said the same!)
Unfortunately for me, he then took up golf and was absent for even longer! 🤣. Thankfully not my problem now!

guiltynetter · 25/04/2021 19:23

This used to happen to my husband around the age of 35 also, he played football once a week on a week night. He loved it but he got so many injuries from it, pulled ligaments, ruined ankles, etc. every time he set off I would say PLEASE no injuries tonight! Once he severely injured his ankle the day before we went on holiday and ended up on crutches and I was so mad he basically ruined the holiday. That's when he stopped!

4PawsGood · 25/04/2021 19:25

I think it’s really hard to tell. I’ve had a friend walk on what turned out to be a broken ankle, but then I’ve been sure mine was broken and it was just a sprain.

weltenbummler · 25/04/2021 19:26

So he has found time for a daytime nap leaving you looking after the kids rather than letting you rest given your pregnancy??? Rather than hobbling and wincing has he actually taken some painkillers?

FlyingPandas · 25/04/2021 19:26

YANBU at all op. In fact I think you’re amazing for letting him carry on with weekly football when you have two young dc. It’s a lot to ask of you.

My DH has had numerous sport related injuries over the past few years (we’re older though - late 40s) and I am brisk with the sympathy at best. I know playing sport is a good thing blah blah blah but ultimately it’s a self indulgent hobby that can really impact on family life. And if they then effectively become an additional child when injured (because they can’t do anything useful and/or require looking after) then it’s time to have a chat about what’s realistic for the longer term.

There does come a point where a sensible adult does have to just admit to getting older and therefore avoid activities that are liable to cause regular injuries. Sounds like your DH may have reached this point with football.

Aprilx · 25/04/2021 19:27

I don’t think he is up to the level he is engaging in either. DH played football once a week for a few years whilst in his mid 30s, he was never injured beyond a bruise and I don’t remember him ever mentioning anyone else on the team being injured to the degree you mention either. He needs to find a new sport.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 25/04/2021 19:29

I used to work in an office where men were off all the time with footballing injuries, the women in the team used to joke about taking equivalent time off for period pain because at least that was unavoidable...

YANBU but I think sometimes it's a lot to do with the people playing. DH used to play with a particular team and get injured often, then he played with another team where there was an unspoken agreement to not kill each other.

NYGirl · 25/04/2021 19:32

You’re not happy so you need to talk to him, but maybe don’t have a fourth child with a man who you feel doesn’t pull his weight. He needs to be willing to make changes with another baby on the way.

That amount of injuries really doesn’t sound normal.

CaptainAwkward · 25/04/2021 19:35

He’s a nob.

Tell him he wouldn’t have time for dicking about playing football like this if he had to have the kids EOW. Plus he’d have to do his own housework.
Make it clear that if he carries on like this he’ll end up in that situation. At least you’d get a break!

InpatientGardener · 25/04/2021 19:36

I sympathise, my DP is like this and I find i have just zero patience for it since we had a baby. He comes home from footy and drags himself round the house limping and moaning which I totally ignore. I've also made it clear to him that he's expected to help with the baby and/or cook when he's back not lie on the sofa napping and complaining all afternoon like he used to.

MiaowMiaow99 · 25/04/2021 19:41

This happened to my DH, and after an injury where he had to take 12 weeks off work unpaid, I put my foot down.
It must be hard to accept you've reached the end of the road on a hobby due to age. But you just dont see older guys playing.
I'd tell him enough is enough. I also put a ban on him joining a cricket team as it can take up a whole Saturday and early evening. So just dont let him swap football for cricket!

Original poster
HST58 · 25/04/2021 19:42

He slept after football because he went there straight after a night shift, that's another thing I think is ridiculous and is probably part of the reason he's getting injured all of the time. You can't have your wits about you after working all night can you?

I've just told him how I feel about it and said it stops now. Its not the only hobby he has so he won't be deprived of 'him time' completely, the other one doesn't take him out of the house all day or lead to injuries either.

OP posts:
MiaowMiaow99 · 25/04/2021 19:43

Or golf!
Lol, I sound like a peach but having small children is no time for weekend hobbies!
Now our DC are older he can do what he likes 👍

Original poster
HST58 · 25/04/2021 19:44

I didn't mince my words, it all came out as a bit of a rant. I've bitten my tongue for a long time about his football and frequent injuries because a part of me felt like I was being unreasonable.

Thank you for reaffirming that I'm not.

He comes home from footy and drags himself round the house limping and moaning

Ugh yes, I know EXACTLY what you mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
HST58 · 25/04/2021 19:45

just don't have a fourth baby

No chance of that, he's booked in for a vasectomy Grin

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/04/2021 19:45

Glad you said something DH sticks to friendly 5-7 aside these days no tournaments just a kick about twice a week. He still got cracked ribs that caused pneumonia twice though 🤦🏼‍♀️ he now knows to take pain relief and carry on with life!

Original poster
HST58 · 25/04/2021 19:47

I'm shocked but not surprised to read that so many of you have had the same with your DH's.

Just why would they want to keep doing something that causes so many injuries. I don't get it. It's got to be some macho thing and being in denial about advancing years / wanting to cling on to their youth.

OP posts:
Theglassmakerofmurano · 25/04/2021 19:48

He’s being a dick playing football at that age when he has responsibilities. Everyone knows Sunday football is notorious for being an excuse to injure other players.
Fortunately my husband came to that conclusion himself without me having to say anything, after having his cruciate ligament snapped will do that.
You have every right to tell him to stop playing.

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