To be annoyed rather than sympathetic about OH's injury?

[HST58]

OH is 35 and has played football every weekend for years. We have two young children and I'm pregnant with a third.

The older he's got the more often he's coming home with injuries that render him unable to do much - which then means everything childcare and house related is left to me. I already do the lions share of everything as it is.

He has broken his arm before, fractured his wrist, had nasty sprains and various other injuries that mean he's laid up, unable to do much at home or not able to participate in other things that need doing. He's had time off work because his injuries mean he can't walk well or lift things.

I will admit there is some underlying resentment on my part as far as the football goes because he's out of the home all day after barely being present as it is because he works nights. This may be clouding my judgement.

Today he came back from football with a foot injury which he thinks might be broken, he can't walk properly on it and plans to go to A&E.

I'm struggling to find any sympathy and instead I'm silently pissed off because this means even more grunt work for me despite him having two nights off work now.

The nursery run will now be down to me (which is the one thing he does always do, to his credit)

The weekly shop

The housework

Running around after the kids.

Honestly, am I being awful?

Time to switch to refereeing, running or [cough] cycling.

DH stopped rugby at a similar age when half the team ( vets) needed medical attention after a hard match against a younger team.

DH gave up football at 40 when he snapped his Achilles’ tendon and spent ages in a cast and then a boot. He was in the process of starting up a business and it was a bloody nightmare as I had to drive him around and do everything for both him and the DC
I told him he wasn’t playing again and he agreed

op your last post hit the nail on the head !

I wouldn't be silently annoyed at all. And I wouldn't be picking up the slack for him. If the kids walk to school he can go on crutches. I dont think he can drive with a broken foot but he can hobble round the supermarket, walk the kids to school on crutches, and certainly get round the house enough to clean up, cook dinner, bath the kids. What would a single mother do if she broke her foot? Lay on the sofa for 6 weeks wallowing?

YADNBU, I feel your pain.

I've been there. DH broke his arm playing football 5 days after DD(4) sprained her ankle so badly she was in plaster. To say I was not amused is an understatement. At the time, I was struggling with CFS and I remember driving out of the hospital car park on the verge of tears. My head was screaming at how unfair it was and that all I wanted was to crawl into bed and have someone look after me.

We ended up in McDonalds as it was, by now, well after evening meal time. I was pushing DD in the pushchair in her bright pink cast with DH walking beside me in his blue one feeling like an unpaid carer.
I couldn't go out in the evening without arranging a babysitter as DD couldn't get up to bed on her own and DH couldn't carry her. This was 20 years ago and I can still feel that pang of anger and despair as I type so, no, you are fully justified in feeling aggrieved. I felt so guilty at how I felt but, honestly, looking back, I think DH should have been the one with the guilt not that he'd ever get why he should

Being pregnant, you can't even have a conciliatory glass of wine. 🙁
💜

No, you're not being awful at all. We all deserve hobbies but if he's constantly getting injured and lying around doing a swan song while you're running yourself into the ground, that's not OK. I would definitely have a talk with him about this. Maybe he just needs to be a bit more responsible with it and put steps in place to make sure he's not getting hurt, or he needs to seriously re-assess his football playing. Either way it's not fair for you to be left doing everything.

I would start making jokes about trading him in for a better model

.

He's pissed off at me now because apparently I want him to give up everything he loves and be a boring dad who just sits in the house, he doesn't see my POV whatsoever.

Tell him friendly 5 a side is fine so go find one or something else.

DH stopped playing in his early 30's for this reason.

Not only was he getting injured more regularly but it was taking him longer to recover.

Thankfully he was never injured that badly (more things like pulled muscles/strains) and I didn't have to read him the riot act as he decided for himself after a nasty groin strain.

Upshot is that with football you reach an age where you need to re-assess. That means taking up a different sport or playing in a seniors league where the pace of the game is slower as all the participants are older. It's trying to keep up with the players in their 20's that causes most of the issues.

Time for you to develop a hobby( that takes you away from home at the same time that he wishes to play football )so that you don't become a boring wife...why should the whole family life revolve around fish needs and wants????

Another useless prick of a man and you have backed yourself into a corner by having 3 children with him.
I'd have picked up my self respect and left after just one year of this crap.

Fish=his... b*dy autocorrect

Oh my, I am having flashbacks to my childhood and sitting in A&E waiting for my dad to be patched up after yet another rugby injury with my mum rolling her eyes and biting her lip so hard I’m amazed she had any face left. After a particularly nasty one he saw sense and started refereeing. Good luck!

I'm surprised he's getting so many injuries from football? If you'd said rugby I'd be less surprised. How are these injuries happening, how do you break your arm playing football? Are they tackling each other aggressively? In any case YABNBU.

@HST58

He's pissed off at me now because apparently I want him to give up everything he loves and be a boring dad who just sits in the house, he doesn't see my POV whatsoever.

Well he's being a selfish bugger isn't he....

As you say it's not just the loss of a day each weekend where you're alone with the children but the constant injuries that mean he's not pulling his weight for long periods of time.

You're not stopping him doing what he loves - his age means he's simply not able to play safely anymore and the consequences of that are being felt by the whole family.

As above whilst it doesn't solve the issue of losing your Saturday's as a family, suggesting a senior league might be a compromise in the sense it's a segway into him stopping playing and would alleviate the issue of injury.

I Think that it is great he has a hobby that will keep him fit! There is not enough focus on a healthy lifestyle. I would look into other ways where you can get alone time, instead of being jealous about his.

Marriage should be fun for both parties you and him.

Peoples mental health is deteriorating so much! They need friend sand hobbies.

Maybe sit down and have a serious chat and see how you can both be happy

Weekly shop - do online food shop.

Housework - he’s got one arm, so he can still help with cleaning the toilet, dusting, etc.

It’s not keeping him fit , it’s causing him injuries
OP doesn’t care so much about getting alone time as having a DH who doesn’t keep doing something that renders him useless on a regular basis

What if he started coaching a football team for kids the same age as yours? Then he would still get his football fix and could spend time with the kids.

I am amazed how many men think they can still continue with their hobbies (or pub visits) at the same frequency after they have kids.

I also wouldn't have any sympathy for him but I'll be honest OP you've said this has gone on for years and you're on your third child with him?! Limited sympathy for you too I'm afraid... I will have a conciliatory glass of wine on your behalf though.

Not sure why a 90 minute game of football means he’s gone all day!
Tell him being a grown up and adult means you have to put kids first, he could continue with the football if it didn’t take all day and he was then getting injured. He can’t seem to do that so needs to stop.
Leave him to sulk.

You are not being unreasonable. My DH has lifted weights all his life, but at 50 he’s started to get a few injuries in the last few years. Luckily it hasn’t been anything that has impacted our lives majorly but I do find it very hard to have sympathy for him. To me the injuries are entirely self inflicted because he’s constantly trying to prove he can lift as much as he did at 25. Plus he doesn’t rest when he does get injured, he keeps trying to keep up his normal routine instead of resting the injured area. Drives me crazy and definitely a macho thing.

So, to summarise, he's prioritising his hobby over you and your children.
As a result he's often unable to fulfil even the lesser part of parenting he's chosen, and now he doesn't like it when you've told him the truth about how you feel?
I'm wondering how he would feel if it was the other way around.
It's time for a serious conversation.