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Original poster

He told son to 'shut the fuck up'

150 replies

kallianiot · 24/04/2021 17:51

I've namechanged for obvious reasons. Son is almost a month old, me and partner live with his mum as we're currently saving for our own place. He is normally a good dad but now I have no clue what to think!

Earlier I went out as son needed more nappies so I popped out for abit. Partner was at home with baby. Anyway when I got back his brother told me that ds was crying and wouldn't settle and partner had already tried to feed him but he didnt drink the bottle and he didn't need changed and then he heard partner say shut the fuck up to him. His brother told him he shouldn't shout at him and took son off of him. When I got home son was asleep and seemed ok but I'm just so angry and have no clue why he shouted as he's usually a good dad and patient with him Sad. I spoke to him and he apologised and said he doesn't know why he shouted at him. I'm just so shocked and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this isn't in the right place

OP posts:
Sirzy · 24/04/2021 19:34

@PandaLady

The examples on here are not comparable with ops partner though. He was left with his baby for an hour and descended into shouting at him to 'shut the fuck up' during that time.

It was so bad his younger brother took the child off him.

So what time period do you think if needed to reach frustration point? Sometimes it doesn’t take much. It was a one off
KurtWilde · 24/04/2021 19:35

Also it wasn't a muttered stfu, it was shouted and his brother was clearly concerned as he took the baby from him.

romdowa · 24/04/2021 19:35

He has the baby for an hour and ended up screaming at it so much that someone else had to remove the child from his care ? He sounds like a shit father and I'd never leave him alone with the child again until he had done some parenting classes.

pictish · 24/04/2021 19:39

This is where Mumsnet is shit for advice. It’s so one dimensional.
I know my exasperation depends on lots of factors. How much sleep I’ve had, what’s going on at work, have I got other niggling concerns, have I had a row with my sister, am I anxious and short-tempered, feeling sensitive, do I have fucking toothache...and does a baby screaming relentlessly over the top of all that shred my last one? Well it did sometimes.

But not on narrow-minded Mumsnet by parents for parents - he’s a bastard, don’t leave your baby alone with him.
Shit for advice. Shit.

DarcyLewis · 24/04/2021 19:39

Sirzy if it was a childminder, and they’d had the baby for a frustrating 8 hours of crying, snapped and swore/shouted to the point another adult in the house removed the baby, would that be acceptable?
Looking after a crying baby can be very frustrating.

MuchTooTired · 24/04/2021 19:39

I read your OP and thought to myself initially ‘what a monster’ but then thought back to when mine were newborns and I have completely changed my thoughts. When my DD was 3 weeks I did something similar, and I was so ashamed and horrified at my behaviour. It was about 3am and she just would not stop crying, I was exhausted and my head was in tatters and I was so desperate for some sleep and quiet. None of this excuses it, it was so out of character.

The only positive to come from it is I was so disgusted with myself I googled strategies on how to cope better in future. I have never done similar, but have put baby down somewhere safe and left them to collect myself multiple times.

He needs to figure out how to cope with things and fast and never ever repeat today again.

HaveringWavering · 24/04/2021 19:40

The brother sounds like a great guy, well done him.

Donelurking · 24/04/2021 19:40

@ohwhattodowithmylife

Sorry, I disagree with others. He shouted and swore at a one month old baby, he's not a good Dad, he just proved that. Someone had to take the baby from him. I would be getting out and not leaving that child alone with him x
Are you for real?
nimbuscloud · 24/04/2021 19:42

Someone posted here the other day about how she put her baby down and then went into another room and screamed and threw things at the wall. She got nothing but support.

DarcyLewis · 24/04/2021 19:42

@nimbuscloud

Someone posted here the other day about how she put her baby down and then went into another room and screamed and threw things at the wall. She got nothing but support.
Why wouldn’t she Confused
BrilliantBetty · 24/04/2021 19:44

Shit. I would be worried.
That's not normal behaviour from a father to a tiny baby. Grown man shouting at a baby?! Swearing? That's not right. And I'd be worried what he'd do when angry alone with the child tbh and knew no-one would see. Clearly can't control his temper. Keep your eyes WIDE open!!

1forAll74 · 24/04/2021 19:44

If it is a one off comment from your partner, I would let it go, and he has apologised, it was probably used in frustration with a crying baby.
I never use the F word, and to be honest I have heard far more women use this word, when they are annoyed about a baby crying,or misbehaving. Once the F word is in your vocabulary, then it just becomes normal speak when being annoyed about something.

AuntyHope · 24/04/2021 19:45

There is a difference between shouting AT a baby you are holding or in close proximity too, and another adult having to intervene, and becoming frustrated so putting your baby in their cot safely, and going in another room to shout, scream or throw things. It can be incredibly frustrating with a baby, yes. But you have to regulate yourself. If somebody after 1 hour is screaming AT a baby so somebody else has to intervene I would not be leaving them alone with that baby again (not without some major changes!) because it only takes seconds and another moment like that for him to shake the baby and cause death or Brian injury.

nimbuscloud · 24/04/2021 19:46

Why would a new dad not be deserving of the same support ?

AuntyHope · 24/04/2021 19:47

It's not about losing your shit every now and then, it's whether you are losing your shit in a way that could harm your baby, and this does not sound like he managed to leave the situation and then express his frustration without harming the baby, it sounds as though he probably scared or startled the baby, and shouted loudly and aggressively enough that his brother felt he had to intervene. Not the same thing at all.

DarcyLewis · 24/04/2021 19:48

@nimbuscloud

Why would a new dad not be deserving of the same support ?
I’m sure a dad who was caring for their baby for longer than an hour, felt stressed, put their baby somewhere safe and didn’t shout or swear at them would also get support.
BlowDryRat · 24/04/2021 19:49

Totally irrelevant to your thread but this brings back memories of my first night as a mother. DS and I were on the post-natal ward with 3 other women. One of them hadn't given birth yet but was in for observation and snored like a tractor all night. I'd had a very long, early labour, was utterly exhausted and she woke DS up every time she did a particularly loud snore. On the millionth time this happened, I shout-whispered at her to shut up and got judged by the mum in the cubicle next to me who thought I'd said it to my hours-old baby Blush

tiredybear · 24/04/2021 19:50

I think a lot of people shout when they are scared. A newborn baby crying inconsolably can be terrifying. I guess, being only a month old, the baby hasn't been left alone with his dad very much yet, so he felt completely out of his depth maybe.

I think you should talk to him, support him with strategies on how to cope in this situation next time, but make it clear it is always better to put the baby down in a safe place and take a breather in another room for a few minutes instead of shouting at the baby.

All new parents need support, it is bloody hard.

GreyhoundG1rl · 24/04/2021 19:51

So many people making light of this Hmm
Muttering "shut the fuck up" is not the same as shouting anything at a newborn.

YouShouldLeave · 24/04/2021 19:51

There was a thread called Women who apologise for crap men on here resently, a lot of these replies reminded me of that.

Aberteifi · 24/04/2021 19:51

I would be concerned but only because his brother seemed worried enough to take the baby away from him.
I would be worried if he was left alone with the baby for a while, It only takes a second to do something that could seriously injure a baby

Tulipomania · 24/04/2021 19:51

I did that occasionally when mine were babies.

They have grown up to be well adjusted adults.

Souther · 24/04/2021 19:56

Sorry. But I wouldn't trust him with the baby again.
Baby is only 4 weeks old.
I mean how many time had he been left alone with the baby.
It was around an hour he was left alone with the baby and he lost his rag.
I wouldn't trust him again.

Elsielouise13 · 24/04/2021 19:57

@JackieTheFart

Swearing at a baby means nothing.

Shouting is not the best but newborns are particularly exhausting and sometimes a person gets to the end of their tether.

Personally I’d let it go.

Seriously!

Self regulation around a baby isn’t swearing and shouting. I would be alarmed. I’m a DSL, it’s a red flag.

GreyhoundG1rl · 24/04/2021 19:59

Swearing at a baby means nothing.
I presume you just mean a baby can't understand the meaning of words?
Shouting at a baby to the point your sibling has to intervene certainly means a hell of a lot Hmm

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