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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH is letting another person use software for free

104 replies

User17292127 · 24/04/2021 11:31

AIBU to ask DH to stop allowing another person to access software we use in my and DH's joint business? We've paid for the software so the woman is getting a financial benefit by DH letting her use it for free. The benefit is only a couple of hundred pounds over the course of a year but it's not like she's poor. She has more money than us!

OP posts:
araiwa · 24/04/2021 11:36

Is it costing you any extra money?

steff13 · 24/04/2021 11:37

If I'd already paid for it and it's not costing me anything for her to use it, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't want to make her pay for it just out if principle. What is her relationship to your husband?

Shoxfordian · 24/04/2021 11:38

Why does it bother you if you pay for it anyway ?

Horehound · 24/04/2021 11:38

I think yabu

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2021 11:38

Impossible to say without some background

Do you have something against this woman, or do you have a naturally ungiving, unsharing nature?

Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 11:39

So it costs more to have multi-user but I don't believe he went for that option solely so she could use it. There were other reasons why we went for that option originally.

OP posts:
Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 11:44

She benefits from it by using it in her business and I can't help being annoyed that while we're paying for it for our business, she gets a business asset for free.

OP posts:
steff13 · 24/04/2021 11:45

Do you get to claim the cost as a deduction on your taxes (you would here)?

Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 11:46

The cost to us is an allowable expense for taxes.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/04/2021 11:49

Sounds a bit petty to me, I really couldn't get fussed about it.

It's nice to do someone a favour for nothing. Has no-one ever done anything for you?

Fedup1223 · 24/04/2021 11:49

I’m guessing we are talking about something like Adobe Cloud here. If so, and you already have a multi user licence I really don’t see an issue.

Is there another reason you’re pissed off? Does her using whatever it is mess with say, your dashboards?

Or is it just that you don’t like her?

custardbear · 24/04/2021 11:50

Can she do a favour back for you guys too?

Bluntness100 · 24/04/2021 11:52

Can’t work out what the issue here is. It’s like the business version of letting your mate use your Netflix.

Is there something about the woman you don’t like? Are you jealous? Do you think he fancies her or something?

Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 11:55

She hasn't done me any favours. I don't think she's done DH any favours. He also lets a male friend of ours use it, but the friend pays us each month.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/04/2021 11:58

OP please can you answer the questions about this woman's relationship with you/your DH?

I feel there's something you need to get off your chest here.

ragged · 24/04/2021 11:58

reasonable to ask for some kind of benefit in kind... if the actual cost is not low. How much is the annual software license?

Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 11:58

For info, I'm on the ASD spectrum so maybe I'm looking at it logically, but it doesn't make sense to me that we should subsidise her business as without us, she'd have to pay for it herself.
If it was someone who was hard up and couldn't run their business without it, of course I would help them out until they were on their feet. This situation is nothing like that.

OP posts:
ragged · 24/04/2021 12:00

The guy paying you something monthly -- how much is he paying?

Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 12:02

The relationship is that this woman has known DH through the client-facing side of our business for a few years. I work in the admin side so I don't know her personally, i.e. she's not a family friend.

OP posts:
TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 24/04/2021 12:02

Ok your ASD does make a difference here.

It's illogical that he charges the bloke, but not the woman. Must non ASD people would be thinking that means he's having an affair with or at least fancies trying to Are you concerned about that? Or purely just that she's using something you pay for?

steff13 · 24/04/2021 12:04

If you get to claim the entire cost of the software as a business expense on your taxes, then you're essentially getting the money back when you file your taxes. I couldn't be upset about this.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2021 12:06

Is it even legal to charge someone else to use it?

Fedup1223 · 24/04/2021 12:06

@steff13

If you get to claim the entire cost of the software as a business expense on your taxes, then you're essentially getting the money back when you file your taxes. I couldn't be upset about this.
To be fair this isn’t how it works. The amour to you pay for the licence is deducted from your overall profit and then you are taxed. It’s not like you get it for free.
TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 24/04/2021 12:08

If you're not worried about the relationship/possible affair type scenario then try looking at it like this...

Whilst it would cost her to get her own account, it wouldn't actually cost you any less, it would only benefit the company you're paying and you've already paid for a multi user account. So why would you want her to pay them fir an account? Your DH didn't get the multi user account for her benefit & got his money's worth out of it for his own reasons, so if he charged her, you'd be benefiting from her payments - logically that's no more 'fair' than what's happening now. Just that currently it benefits her, not you.

steff13 · 24/04/2021 12:08

Oh. That is not how it works here.

I still wouldn't be bothered though.

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