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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH is letting another person use software for free

104 replies

User17292127 · 24/04/2021 11:31

AIBU to ask DH to stop allowing another person to access software we use in my and DH's joint business? We've paid for the software so the woman is getting a financial benefit by DH letting her use it for free. The benefit is only a couple of hundred pounds over the course of a year but it's not like she's poor. She has more money than us!

OP posts:
Ineedaneasteregg · 24/04/2021 12:41

If you have already paid for multi user use I cannot see it makes any difference to let this person use it.

Is it the relationship between this woman and your DH that is causing concerns?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 24/04/2021 12:41

I think it's extremely unprofessional to get into situations like this. It's all very well helping out your industry network when you're in similar positions as maybe a struggling new startup. But not when you're an established business.

If I was him I'd be telling her that your company accountant has advised he can no longer share user licenses outside of the company, so as of X date she will need to buy her own license.

What she's doing (and your DH is aiding and abetting) is defrauding the software company of a licensing fee that they should be getting.

As for the "It's no different to sharing Netflix" - correct. Which is also against Netflix's terms and could result in them cancelling your account. It's theft, pure and simple. No different to downloading off torrent sites or buying dodgy copied DVDs at your local market.

Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 12:41

@WorraLiberty

OP, how does your DH feel about this? Is he adamant she shouldn't be charged/excluded or does he not have a strong opinion either way?

If it's the latter and it's a joint business, email and tell her you'll be charging or excluding her.

Check the legalities on charging first though.

He didn't have a strong opinion either way but suggested that since she's been using it for so long and it's available anyway at no cost to us that there's no problem. He does acknowledge my POV when I explained it logically to him though. I think he now feels awkward about how to proceed.
OP posts:
TheLastLotus · 24/04/2021 12:43

@User17292127 as pp have mentioned what does your DH say when you bring it up?

Sharing business software undercover is risky. It could potentially invalidate the terms of your support agreement as the software u tied to the registered business (if it’s an enterprise agreement). If there’s a data breach or anything similar her insurance won’t cover it and you might not be compensated as well depending on the terms of the contract.

Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 12:46

I had not thought about the legal aspects of it so thank you to those who have pointed this out.

OP posts:
TheLastLotus · 24/04/2021 12:50

Sorry x posted!
@EvenMoreFuriousVexation has good advice - say that a professional (accountant/lawyer whatever) has advised you not to do it.

The proliferation of free software makes people think not paying is fine (they’re making money anyway). But building and maintaining software is an ongoing cost... the more people piggyback the higher the price the actual users will pay. So if you let other people use yours for free it’s your own rates that are going to go up. Bit like with trains (the train’s going there anyway so me not paying doesn’t matter - and then they think nobody uses the routes according to ticket sales data so no more train)

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 24/04/2021 12:57

Lotus makes a good point: anybody who thinks software should be free, should try writing their own!

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2021 12:59

If you feel this strongly OP, I'd point out the legal side to your DH and stop all other users.

This would also make it easier as you can send an email pointing out you've only just become aware that you're possibly falling fowl of the law/user agreement.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2021 13:00

*Falling foul Blush Blush

drpet49 · 24/04/2021 13:07

I’m with you OP. Why should she get it for free? What else does she want to have for free?

Aprilx · 24/04/2021 13:09

@steff13

If you get to claim the entire cost of the software as a business expense on your taxes, then you're essentially getting the money back when you file your taxes. I couldn't be upset about this.
😂. No, they are not essentially getting the money back, HMRC doesn’t cover / reimburse all business costs. Expenses are tax deductible against profit so reduce the taxes due.

As an aside, if the expense is used or partially used for reasons not attributable to the business, it shouldn’t be tax deducted anyway.

Catswithflamingos · 24/04/2021 13:10

This is how it works in business. You scratch her back now and I’m sure there is something else that she helps with or will help with in the future.

Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 13:20

I've just taken some time out to have a mull over the responses. I think terminating her access by referncing legal aspects is the perfect solution so thank you.
I've also thought a bit more in detail about how he got us into this situation and how it has been let to carry on. I think it might have been one of those favours done on the spur of the moment, which is fair enough. I am more annoyed now with the woman that she let it carry on, enjoying the benefit for so long, and that it had the potential to cause problems between me and DH. I know I wouldn't have accepted the offer of free access to software but even if I had, I would have offered something in return and quite quickly would have bought my own access. It would make me feel uncomfortable benefiting from someone else's business expense.
I like mumsnet as it helps me to process my feelings when I am unsure about them.

OP posts:
grapewine · 24/04/2021 13:26

If you pull her access for legal reasons, then the mate shouldn't have access either.

Original poster
User17292127 · 24/04/2021 13:28

To the poster who asked what else she wanted to get for free, thinking about her situation compared to mine, she's running her own business without a partner, whereas me and DH are both business and life partners. So maybe she just felt some comfort that someone was there who was in a small way holding her hand in business.

OP posts:
user1471517900 · 24/04/2021 13:30

Why would she assume this would cause problems between you and your DH?!

Oblomov21 · 24/04/2021 13:36

This is actually a complex issue.

Sometimes you don't have to get something back in return. But sometimes people are just 'takers' and eventually you have to cut them out.

DentonsFringeArnottsWaistcoat · 24/04/2021 13:44

@User17292127

I had not thought about the legal aspects of it so thank you to those who have pointed this out.
I think, from a legal perspective, depending on what your licence agreement states, it’s probably worse that there’s someone else essentially paying you to use it than it is to give her free access. Although both probably fall outwith the licencing.
ClarkeGriffin · 24/04/2021 13:46

Op is right. She should be paying for her own bloody software, so should the other friend. If you can't manage a business properly to pay for everything you need, that's your problem quite frankly. Shouldn't expect a free ride.

If you owned a bakery and another friend wanted to use your flour in their bakery, would you give it away for free? I would hope not. Both are products for your business. Pay for your own and no one else's.

topcat2014 · 24/04/2021 13:53

I am with the OP. The basic idea is that businesses should behave within the law, and (in due course if needed) rely on the law to support that business - in the courts for contract law or whatever.

This is in breach of the licence for the software. Anyone who does creative work should be against copyright theft.

Bit like the M&S caterpillar cake. Like it or not, M&S claim to have designed the cake, so it is being 'ripped off'.

It's a tiny thing, and almost a 'victimless' crime, but in aggregate not really how society should run itself,

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 24/04/2021 13:57

I'd be OK with letting someone try out my software on a strictly temporary basis, eg to establish if it suited their needs. That would be a sensible arrangement, a favour you'd do for a friend. Beyond that, no.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2021 14:22

I am more annoyed now with the woman that she let it carry on, enjoying the benefit for so long, and that it had the potential to cause problems between me and DH.

Huh? If someone does you a favour that doesn't appear to be any skin off their nose, why wouldn't she carry on?

Lots of things have the potential to cause problems, there's no need to get annoyed about them - just try to sort them as you are doing now.

Gwenhwyfar · 24/04/2021 14:24

@user1471517900

Why would she assume this would cause problems between you and your DH?!
Yes, that's really strange. It would never occur to me!
Gwenhwyfar · 24/04/2021 14:24

"I think terminating her access by referncing legal aspects is the perfect solution so thank you."

Except that it's not your real reason, is it? You're just being petty.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2021 14:26

@topcat2014

I am with the OP. The basic idea is that businesses should behave within the law, and (in due course if needed) rely on the law to support that business - in the courts for contract law or whatever.

This is in breach of the licence for the software. Anyone who does creative work should be against copyright theft.

Bit like the M&S caterpillar cake. Like it or not, M&S claim to have designed the cake, so it is being 'ripped off'.

It's a tiny thing, and almost a 'victimless' crime, but in aggregate not really how society should run itself,

And yet the OP and her DH have been charging a friend to use the software, which is arguably worse than sharing for free.