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AIBU?

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Original poster

To only serve vegan food at my wedding.

999 replies

inthewest · 23/04/2021 21:44

My partner and myself are both vegan. We want to serve an only vegan menu from an excellent vegan caterer. I know people aren't a fan of "fake meat" and we've deliberately chosen to not have anything of that sort. Our menu will include many options and will cater to allergies and dietary needs such as celiac. The food is delicious, is very "us" and reflects us as couple.

We have had pushback from my partners family. Adult family. I'm fully prepared to cater for children but not adults. Our thinking is that it's one meal.

OP posts:
HairyToity · 23/04/2021 22:15

I just thought my cousin had meze type dishes at her wedding. It was delicious. She had got the caterer to prepare steak and chips for the grandparents who were in their 80s and 90s (they didn't fancy Greek food), and also my brother who has autism and is very fussy, and would not eat meze. If you have older people, or family members with autism then you may need an alternative.... My brother has learning difficulties with his autism, and wouldn't be polite about food he doesn't like. Blush

Ughmaybenot · 23/04/2021 22:15

I think you should absolutely serve a vegan menu. Those are your beliefs and your wedding is one of those days where it is entirely about you and your husband to be. No one will keel over from not having a chicken breast for a day.
And I say that as a farmer who eats meat, fish, dairy etc.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 23/04/2021 22:16

@littlepattilou

As long as you are OK with going to someone's wedding, or party, or 'evening meal' and only being offered dairy and meat products, then yeah, go ahead and only offer vegan food at your wedding.

If you would not accept dairy or meat products in the food you were offered, then of COURSE you are being unreasonable to only offer vegan food to the guests at your wedding.

I can't believe you even have to ask! Confused

But that’s not remotely the same - anyone can eat vegan food, whether they’re omnivorous, vegetarian, pescatarian, or only-meat-if-it’s-bacon-atarian. OP has already said she’ll be catering for allergies etc too.

Your argument is just silly.

tabulahrasa · 23/04/2021 22:16

“ I don't eat Indian food same as I don't eat food from other countries or the ingredients of vegan food“

Right... seriously though... what do you eat?

Genuinely, how do you not eat the ingredients of vegan food?

That literally only leaves, meat, dairy, eggs and honey... how can you make meals from those?

PatrickBatemann · 23/04/2021 22:16

Meh. I'd bring food with me tbh

titchy · 23/04/2021 22:16

@Crankley

Would those people freaking out about the lack of meat refuse to attend an Indian wedding, where they might not serve English food??

I'm not sure where you get the freaking out from. I don't eat Indian food same as I don't eat food from other countries or the ingredients of vegan food so would say the say the same as I wrote upthread. I wouldn't want them to waste their money so would suggest I attend for the evening.

You don't eat the ingredients of vegan food? You mean you don't eat vegetables or carbs? Blimey you must be riddled with scurvy.
SnarkyBag · 23/04/2021 22:17

I’ve eaten some very disappointing chicken at most weddings I’ve been to so something different would be a refreshing change.

I personally find that meat substitutes are pretty rank so would struggle if that were the option but other than that I wouldn’t be fussed

Soontobe60 · 23/04/2021 22:17

My dd had a vegan wedding, I’m very much a carnivore. It was absolutely delicious!
If the guests want to bring their own doggy bags of corned beef sarnies, leave them to it. Your wedding, your choice. Also, neither of my children discussed their menus with anyone before their weddings apart from seeing if anyone was veggie ‘ vegan or had food allergies.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 23/04/2021 22:17

You can serve whatever you like but be prepared for people to think ‘nice wedding but the food was crap’ it depends on whether you care what your guests would like or what you want to serve - either is ok.

Heyha · 23/04/2021 22:18

"ingredients of vegan food" what, like vegetable oils, rice, pasta, fruit, veg, herbs, spices? I hear you can make lots of nice things with those ingredients.

I'm a meat eater but would be surprised to see any meat at the wedding of two vegans and would be more than happy to eat what was on offer. Many wedding meals are crap anyway with mass catered meat-based meals, I usually opt for the veggie option if I can just because they t be to be nicer on the day!
Some token fish fingers or similar for small children would be a lovely touch OP but adults should be able to manage just fine!

StillWeRise · 23/04/2021 22:19

@littlepattilou

As long as you are OK with going to someone's wedding, or party, or 'evening meal' and only being offered dairy and meat products, then yeah, go ahead and only offer vegan food at your wedding.

If you would not accept dairy or meat products in the food you were offered, then of COURSE you are being unreasonable to only offer vegan food to the guests at your wedding.

I can't believe you even have to ask! Confused

this is such bullshit I am vegetarian and no way would I be providing meat to guests- meat eaters can very well eat vegetarian food, the reverse does not apply. If I had vegan guests I would make sure some of the food was vegan, if they had allergies I would make sure some food was free of the allergens.
In my experience when there is a mixed buffet, meat eaters are only too keen to eat meat free food, often leaving very little for the actual vegetarians. So OP YADNBU. And as a vegetarian I would happily forgo eggs and cheese at your wedding Grin
waitingpatientlyforspring · 23/04/2021 22:19

So long as food is plentiful is important.

I'm veggie. At our wedding we had a buffet and asked to change to meat options for veggie so there was only one meat option. I was paying £1300 for food, i wanted to be able to eat it!

Ontheboardwalk · 23/04/2021 22:19

I was surprised when at the wedding of two vegetarians there was duck as a choice for the main course. I'd have been happy with vegetarian only choices. I do think though it's your wedding and you're paying so it’s your choice

Would it be possible, chosen in advance, for guests to choose the vegan main they want between two options? Like you would get a choice between a meat or vegetarian course at other weddings?

Only suggesting this as I can’t eat mushrooms. It’s not so much the taste but the texture so would like to avoid if I could

If not possible go for what you want

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 23/04/2021 22:19

@littlepattilou

As long as you are OK with going to someone's wedding, or party, or 'evening meal' and only being offered dairy and meat products, then yeah, go ahead and only offer vegan food at your wedding.

If you would not accept dairy or meat products in the food you were offered, then of COURSE you are being unreasonable to only offer vegan food to the guests at your wedding.

I can't believe you even have to ask! Confused

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Big Difference.

Meat eaters eat vegetables, pasta, rice, nuts, fruit etc in their regular diet

Vegans don't eat meat or dairy. Ever.

ouchmyfeet · 23/04/2021 22:20

@Solasum

As an committed carnivore, I would have no problem with a special wedding meal being vegetarian, but if I knew it was vegan I wouldn’t be looking forward to it at all. I have tried various vegan recipes, but I just can’t find the same enjoyment in vegan food. Pulses especially.
This. It's entirely within your rights to do it but don't expect people to enjoy it.
Quaagars · 23/04/2021 22:20

@bunhead34

Do it!

I was transitioning to veganism when I got married so only had vegan veggie options.
If I did it now it would be 100% vegan!

Please just make sure it's something filling, I hate when a vegan meal is just a few vegetables, and I end up smashed 🍷

If people hate it that much they don't have to come 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh God yes, nothing worse than just a few vegetables on a plate! Went to a fancy wedding and had the veggie option a few years ago, not kidding was literally a few fancily arranged carrots and red pepper on a plate. Was absolutely hammered by the night do and devoured the buffet table Grin It still gets remembered all these years later as the one with 'no food'', lol
TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 23/04/2021 22:21

@PumpingPamela

Oh god I have no idea what happened there - sorry!
It was quite odd wasn't it!! 🤣🤣
PeridotEyes · 23/04/2021 22:21

I'm a very fussy eater, so I probably wouldn't be able to eat it, but I'd be quite happy, especially if warned so I can eat in advance - hey, it's your wedding!

I went to one wedding where the meal was plain boiled rice with some kind of weird (Eastern European?) stew containing several ingredients I hate. So I had a plate of boiled rice and a slice of wedding cake. And yes, I was hungry, but guess what, I lived to tell the tale.

I'd recommend you do a buffet so people can pick and choose, if you think people won't like the food you serve.

LubaLuca · 23/04/2021 22:22

@Kerberos

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It's one meal and it's your wedding.

Just don't make it all about the food. Make it about the wedding. It's not a vegan wedding, just a wedding with food afterwards.

Agreed. Don't sell it as a vegan wedding, it's putting the focus on the wrong thing. The 'we'd better warn them' approach is perhaps off-putting to your in-laws, as if you're anticipating a negative reaction from them. Quietly doing what everyone's expecting you to do and simply providing a delicious meal at a wedding reception would possibly have been easier and been less of an issue - big surprise for everyone when they realise they're actually eating Linda McCartney sausage rolls at the buffet Wink
waitingpatientlyforspring · 23/04/2021 22:22

@littlepattilou

As long as you are OK with going to someone's wedding, or party, or 'evening meal' and only being offered dairy and meat products, then yeah, go ahead and only offer vegan food at your wedding.

If you would not accept dairy or meat products in the food you were offered, then of COURSE you are being unreasonable to only offer vegan food to the guests at your wedding.

I can't believe you even have to ask! Confused

Eh? She is proposing to offer a meal everyone can eat, even those with allergies and you are comparing it to her being happy being offered a meal she can't eat! You do know meat eaters don't have to eat meat at every single meal? They will survive one day!
SofiaMichelle · 23/04/2021 22:22

I'd bring sandwiches, to be honest.

Will you be checking that guests don't have leather shoes, etc?

Scottishskifun · 23/04/2021 22:23

Ignore them and go for what you want!

I was pescatarian when I got married we didn't have any meat but a fish and vegan option. I didn't want to be the last thought waiting for the specialist meal at the end which I have experienced at multiple weddings!
So we chose food that I and everyone with a food allergy could eat bar 1 person out of 120 who had a specialist meal.
The only person who refused to eat it was 1 family member who went hungry as I refused to pander to his fussiness (not an allergy or medical condition) of meat and potato diet (in his 30s)

Runnerduck34 · 23/04/2021 22:23

As long as its proper food and not fake meat its fine .
Having said that if you are inviting children I would do chicken nugget type food in case they dont like adult alternative- hungry children do not bode well for a wedding, mind you chips are vegan🤣

Soontobe60 · 23/04/2021 22:23

@Crankley

I don't eat most of what makes food vegan so would probably suggest to you I would be happy to attend the evening part of your wedding as I wouldn't want you to waste money on food that won't be eaten by me..
So you only eat meat, fish, eggs and dairy? What do you have for breakfast?