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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To only serve vegan food at my wedding.

999 replies

inthewest · 23/04/2021 21:44

My partner and myself are both vegan. We want to serve an only vegan menu from an excellent vegan caterer. I know people aren't a fan of "fake meat" and we've deliberately chosen to not have anything of that sort. Our menu will include many options and will cater to allergies and dietary needs such as celiac. The food is delicious, is very "us" and reflects us as couple.

We have had pushback from my partners family. Adult family. I'm fully prepared to cater for children but not adults. Our thinking is that it's one meal.

OP posts:
dotdashdashdash · 23/04/2021 22:06

Your wedding do as you wish.

I personally wanted to consider the comfort of my guests at my wedding, but none of it compromised my ethics, values or beliefs so I didn't have to worry about that in the way you do.

I'm unfortunately allergic to lots of vegan staples (lentil, beans and chickpeas!) so would appreciate being told in advance of the vegan menu so that I could pack a few snack in case, but I certainly wouldn't object to it!

PurpleDaisies · 23/04/2021 22:06

As if Indian food and vegan shite is even comparable.

I think you’re on the wind up here. How can anyone not realise curries etc don’t need to have meat or dairy in them to taste good?

Shoxfordian · 23/04/2021 22:06

I’d be fine with it and I usually love a steak

Finding it a little unusual to have never pre-ordered a wedding meal though, whoever said that, kinda normal for me. We had a veg option at ours, not a vegan one because no guests were vegan

RainbowMum11 · 23/04/2021 22:06

Your wedding, your choice.
I am personally not remotely vegan or vegetarian bit would cater for people who have made those life choices if I was hosting, but that is completely irrelevant I think, have the menu that reflects you and your husband - and I hope you have a fantastic wedding xxx

Incywincyspinsters · 23/04/2021 22:06

It’s your wedding, do what you like.

I’m curious as to how a menu can be very ‘you’.

WeatherwaxOn · 23/04/2021 22:07

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago that was completely vegan and the food was brilliant!
The bride and groom were both vegan, as was groom's mother (also coeliac) and stepfather, best man is vegetarian as were several guests.
I don't even know that many people noticed that it was vegan other than the main meal choices didn't include meat or fish.

minniemomo · 23/04/2021 22:07

@funnylittlefloozie

Been to hundreds of Indian weddings (ran a venue, they always insisted I came for food) an always delicious, they always had chips and nuggets, fish fingers or mozzarella sticks just in case for kids/ English because hospitality is big!

funnylittlefloozie · 23/04/2021 22:08

Indian food is LUSH. Vegan food is bland cack.

A great deal of Indian food is vegan. Bless your ignorant little heart for not knowing that. Its almost as if there's a whole culinary world beyond just meat and potatoes...

DancesWithDaffodils · 23/04/2021 22:08

I'd fully support you having a vegan wedding breakfast, knowing I'd probably not enjoy sone of the food much, as I'm a fussy bugger who doesnt like nuts, mushrooms or soya/fungus meat substitutes.

tabulahrasa · 23/04/2021 22:08

“I don't eat most of what makes food vegan so would probably suggest to you I would be happy to attend the evening part of your wedding as I wouldn't want you to waste money on food that won't be eaten by me..”

What? You literally only eat animal products Confused

“As if Indian food and vegan shite is even comparable.

Indian food is LUSH. Vegan food is bland cack.”

Um... some Indian food is in fact vegan...

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 23/04/2021 22:09

[quote littlepattilou]**@Hiphopopotamus* @WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo* Call me a idiot if it makes you feel better. Firing personal insults at me for having a different opinion, says a lot more about you though. And that goes out to anyone else insulting me.[/quote]
Its not a different opinion though. Meat eaters can eat vegetarian/vegan food. Vegans/veggies cannot eat meat (well they technically can. But you can also technically eat shit. Doesn't mean you would.)

My DS is pescetarian. If we go to a family bbq and whoever caters only cooks meat then he can't eat anything. Other than salad I guess. But it would take a lot of that to fill up a teen.
If only veggie sausages and burgers were cooked we could all eat them.
Luckily my family aren't arseholes and happily cater to everyone.

sunflowertulip · 23/04/2021 22:09

I'm a meat eater and I'd be very happy to eat, and enjoy, a special vegan meal you chose. Wouldn't bother me at all. Go for it!

bunhead34 · 23/04/2021 22:10

Do it!

I was transitioning to veganism when I got married so only had vegan veggie options.
If I did it now it would be 100% vegan!

Please just make sure it's something filling, I hate when a vegan meal is just a few vegetables, and I end up smashed 🍷

If people hate it that much they don't have to come 🤷🏼‍♀️

AntiSocialDistancer · 23/04/2021 22:10

Yanbu.

Crankley · 23/04/2021 22:10

Would those people freaking out about the lack of meat refuse to attend an Indian wedding, where they might not serve English food??

I'm not sure where you get the freaking out from. I don't eat Indian food same as I don't eat food from other countries or the ingredients of vegan food so would say the say the same as I wrote upthread. I wouldn't want them to waste their money so would suggest I attend for the evening.

Y0Y0 · 23/04/2021 22:11

All the food at my wedding many years ago was vegan: reception dinner, evening buffet and cake. Most people loved it, some made jokes about loading up on bacon butties beforehand, some people probably hated it.

But I've politely eaten a plain fruit starter and dessert with a limp salad main at plenty of weddings over the years, smiled and nodded that it was great and just enjoyed being part of the day. It sounds like you're putting a lot more effort in to give your guests a lovely experience. If any o them care more about missing meat for one meal than helping you celebrate your big day they're not really worth worrying about.

Purpleweeks · 23/04/2021 22:11

I don't like fake meat but there is plenty of naturally vegan stuff that people eat every day.

FlattestWhite · 23/04/2021 22:12

As long as there was nothing unusual/substituted in the food, I wouldn't mind - I would mind if, for example, there was substitutions of soya milk or margarine in places where you'd normally get dairy. I can't say I'm allergic to it, and I'm fine with small doses, but if I have too much, i get real stomach upset and unpleasant consequences. If I know that something is 'dairy free' that would normally have butter or cream, say, I can then check and avoid it if necessary. But a vegan meal might have a lot of things like that that I'm not expecting, and I'd hate to have a wedding ruined by having a really upset stomach as a result. I have a bit of a reaction to lentils, too.

However, purely vegetables that I'd be normally eating alongside a meat meal, that would be fine. It's the things that I tend not to eat normally, like anything with soya products in, or to a lesser extent, lentils, that would cause problems.

I wouldn't want to have coffee or tea or anything with alternative dairy milks, so would just skip that. Same with cake etc if it had soya butter in, as many vegan cakes do. Vegetable oil, fine.

So it really depends on the ingredients. You may find that a lot of your guests have dietary reactions to some of the food, without knowingly being sensitive or allergic to it, but just when there are more of certain ingredients than you expect, it can be difficult.

I've never had particularly nice vegan meals, but I'm not averse to the idea. I've had some nice vegetarian dishes. I've had some awful vegan meals, drinks etc., but I'm sure your caterers would be much nicer.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/04/2021 22:12

I am a meat and dairy eater. I probably wouldn't choose vegan at a restaurant (unless it was thai without fish sauce or indian without ghee or meat) but I'd be absolutely fine having it at a wedding.

Firstly if you're nice enough to throw a party and invite me and give me food, it seems mean to complain

Secondly it's one meal. Lots of people have the odd vegan meal. Like beans on toast.

Lastly I've been to loads of wedding with shit food. Dried up chicken breast with a bland sauce is something I'd never order either but I'd never say anything.

I can't believe your guests have an opinion on it (unless they are paying towards it and then it does get a bit trickier I'm afraid). I'd never accept an invitation and then say 'but im not coming if you give me this'. If asked, I'd give an opinion if they asked what I wanted to eat (eg anything as long as it's not artichokes!) but only if I absolutely hate that thing and dont want to embarrass them because I literally can't eat it without heaving if that's what they're serving. I doubt most people feel that way about vegetables.

Butwasitherdriveway · 23/04/2021 22:13

@littlepattilou

As long as you are OK with going to someone's wedding, or party, or 'evening meal' and only being offered dairy and meat products, then yeah, go ahead and only offer vegan food at your wedding.

If you would not accept dairy or meat products in the food you were offered, then of COURSE you are being unreasonable to only offer vegan food to the guests at your wedding.

I can't believe you even have to ask! Confused

Not comparable
CombatBarbie · 23/04/2021 22:13

It wouldn't bother me, but what is your guest list like. I'm thinking more the older generation who have meat n 2 veg meals. I would perhaps consider more vegetarian style. But ultimately its your wedding, your choice. I would make sure the menu is known though.

At one friend's vegan wedding a load of people went missing and were found in the hotels bar having chicken n chips.

Quaagars · 23/04/2021 22:13

YANBU, why would you want to serve animal flesh and dairy products if it goes against everything you believe?
(I'm not vegan or even veggie but know a lot of people who are)
YABU for mentioning the V word though, people hear it and lose the plot lol
Far better to have just presented a menu with food options for people to pick

Sleepyquest · 23/04/2021 22:14

Totally! It's your wedding. Everyone can eat vegan food. I'm not a vegan but I am very fussy and am always comfortable in the knowledge that vegan always meets my fussiness Smile

SarahAndQuack · 23/04/2021 22:14

I'd bloody love this. I am a very happy carnivore, but I've been to too many events where the chicken is pink or the fish has sat under a heat lamp too long, and it's a bit grim. I'd much, much rather vegan food done really well.

funnylittlefloozie · 23/04/2021 22:14

*im not sure where you get the freaking out from. I don't eat Indian food same as I don't eat food from other countries or the ingredients of vegan food so would say the say the same as I wrote upthread. I wouldn't want them to waste their money so would suggest I attend for the evening."

Do you really not eat ANY vegetables at all? Not even salad, or chips, or onion rings? That's really amazing actually. How do you get enough fibre? Do you eat fruit?

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