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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

American man can’t go on honeymoon due to unpaid child maintenance

199 replies

SinkGirl · 22/04/2021 15:45

Stumbled across this in a group on Facebook - newlyweds can’t go on honeymoon as he has $2500 of unpaid child support which in his state means he can’t get a passport.

I think this is bloody brilliant. And wonder why we don’t do it here. AIBU?

YABU - unpaid child support shouldn’t prevent you getting a passport
YANBU - if you owe lots of child maintenance, you shouldn’t be able to get a passport / driving license etc

Slightly concerned that his new bride is so unconcerned by the fact she’s marrying a deadbeat - good luck to her in the future, I think she will need it.
(apparently this person’s profile showed a very expensive wedding too!)

OP posts:
Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 22/04/2021 15:47

Proper order

Lockheart · 22/04/2021 15:48

I don't disagree with the sentiment but in lots of cases getting jobs / renting houses requires proof of ID such as passports and driving licenses or in some cases are mandatory. Someone unemployed is going to be much harder to get any arrears out of.

VettiyaIruken · 22/04/2021 15:51

This is one of few areas I think the USA is bloody fantastic. I wish similar was the case here.

Angrypregnantlady · 22/04/2021 15:51

If you can't afford to pay for your kids then you can't afford a holiday 👍

Thisnamewasnttaken123 · 22/04/2021 15:54

I think it's fantastic, wish we did it here.

LadyDanburysHat · 22/04/2021 15:54

Yeah, this is one thing the US is good at.

Sexnotgender · 22/04/2021 15:55

Can’t see an issue with it.

You can afford to get married and have a honeymoon you can afford to pay for your child.

RedMarauder · 22/04/2021 15:57

@Lockheart agree.

Devlesko · 22/04/2021 15:58

Yes, we should have the same system here.
Fewer men would be sewing their seeds with the next, and the next etc.
Fewer women would fall for the useless disney dads, or "My ex wife was a psycho", type.
Boris would be skint though. having to pay for half of London.

SenecaFallsRedux · 22/04/2021 15:58

@Lockheart

I don't disagree with the sentiment but in lots of cases getting jobs / renting houses requires proof of ID such as passports and driving licenses or in some cases are mandatory. Someone unemployed is going to be much harder to get any arrears out of.
I think the rule (and it's not a state rule, but a federal one, so it applies in all states) only restricts passports. The main reason Americans get a passport is for foreign travel; many Americans never get a passport. So other means of ID can be used for renting, employment, etc.
WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 22/04/2021 15:58

@Lockheart

I don't disagree with the sentiment but in lots of cases getting jobs / renting houses requires proof of ID such as passports and driving licenses or in some cases are mandatory. Someone unemployed is going to be much harder to get any arrears out of.
I don't have a passport or driving licence. I have rented houses and got jobs, including dbs checks. Granted its slightly more complicated but not impossible.

Good on the USA. Its disgusting that so many NRPs can get away with not paying a penny and just live their lives as if their dc don't exist.

itsgettingwierd · 22/04/2021 16:03

Well if he can't afford to pay for his child he shouldn't be planning and paying for a wedding, honeymoon and possibly be planning to start another family.

Agree with above poster too that that woman should have not married him. He's not exactly the type of partner and potential father to aim for!

minniemomo · 22/04/2021 16:03

It's shame that courts in the USA don't seem order decent child maintenance, several friends are verging on destitute despite having exh's who earn $200k + and new trophy wives. Yes they got the house as settlement but kids need to eat!

user1471462428 · 22/04/2021 16:05

I’m even more extreme, I think we should lock them up. My dad signed the house over to my mum, gave her the car and paid generous maintenance. Because he chose to have kids (one of us was a contraceptive error and he always says you if have sex then there is always a risk). This doesn’t make him a hero just someone who recognises that children need providing for and they shouldn’t suffer because their parents relationship broke down.

Blacktothepink · 22/04/2021 16:07

Definitely should have the same thing here

phoenixrosehere · 22/04/2021 16:07

I’m even more extreme, I think we should lock them up

Then how would they pay for child support?

SenecaFallsRedux · 22/04/2021 16:08

Interesting side note: when DH and I got married (in the US), the church officiant wanted to know the status of his child support obligations before he agreed to marry us. That's also a good thing; the church not wanting to be party to a re-marriage of someone not fulfilling his obligations to his children.

apooagnuandyou · 22/04/2021 16:13

I’m even more extreme, I think we should lock them up.

and would you lock up mothers who refuse access to the fathers as well?

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 22/04/2021 16:20

I think the rule (and it's not a state rule, but a federal one, so it applies in all states) only restricts passports. The main reason Americans get a passport is for foreign travel; many Americans never get a passport. So other means of ID can be used for renting, employment, etc.

No, it's drivers licenses too. A friend's ex ended up in prison because not only did he refuse to pay his child support but he was driving without a license too.

elp30 · 22/04/2021 16:25

This is what happens to a non-custodial parent who has child support arrears in Texas, where I live.

This is from the Attorney General of Texas's website:

www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/child-support/child-support-enforcement/how-we-enforce

Ilovemaisie · 22/04/2021 16:26

Presumably he could have his honeymoon in the states though. If he lives in - say Vermont - and honeymoons in Florida he will have travelled further than someone who lives in England and honeymoon in Spain. Not really a 'punishment'.
I do find it daft when in the USA they remove driving licences for non payment of child support (I have learned that from Judge Judy). Public transport is very poor in the US outside of major cities and often you can't just walk places (no footpaths on main roads) so no car = no way to get to work, no work = no money, no money = no child support !!

SenecaFallsRedux · 22/04/2021 16:28

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

I think the rule (and it's not a state rule, but a federal one, so it applies in all states) only restricts passports. The main reason Americans get a passport is for foreign travel; many Americans never get a passport. So other means of ID can be used for renting, employment, etc.

No, it's drivers licenses too. A friend's ex ended up in prison because not only did he refuse to pay his child support but he was driving without a license too.

Yes, you are right, but it does vary by state. Also I think that there are means to get exemptions (hardship due to unemployment, etc.).
toffeebutterpopcorn · 22/04/2021 16:30

It’s called ‘priorities’. I hope the new wife isn’t planing on having kids with this man. He doesn’t sound very reliable.

Rummikub · 22/04/2021 16:30

I don’t know
It makes me feel uneasy
And I have an ex who hasnt paid maintenance

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 22/04/2021 16:30

Yes - you can apply for an exemption - friend's ex tried that.

The judge wasn't particularly interested given that he'd had years of not paying child support. Turned out that a couple of days in prison really brought it home to the ex that this wasn't a bill he could just avoid.

He now pays on time.