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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

American man can’t go on honeymoon due to unpaid child maintenance

199 replies

SinkGirl · 22/04/2021 15:45

Stumbled across this in a group on Facebook - newlyweds can’t go on honeymoon as he has $2500 of unpaid child support which in his state means he can’t get a passport.

I think this is bloody brilliant. And wonder why we don’t do it here. AIBU?

YABU - unpaid child support shouldn’t prevent you getting a passport
YANBU - if you owe lots of child maintenance, you shouldn’t be able to get a passport / driving license etc

Slightly concerned that his new bride is so unconcerned by the fact she’s marrying a deadbeat - good luck to her in the future, I think she will need it.
(apparently this person’s profile showed a very expensive wedding too!)

OP posts:
WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 22/04/2021 17:09

Why would you need a passport to get a job? Confused

HugeAckmansWife · 22/04/2021 17:11

I 100% agree that there should be a respectable minimum set (not the £7pw if the nrp is on benefits) and if the nrp can't / won't pay that the state does, and it is a debt accrued that does not go away, cannot be written off and will ultimately come out of pension or their estate if not paid. It has zero to do with contact or withholding it, to the pp who raised that. Regardless of what the rp does or doesn't do, the money is for the children.

Warsawa31 · 22/04/2021 17:14

As a man I completely agree that parents of either sex ( overwhelming men) should face much harsher financial conditions - this is a fantastic idea.

FrankieDettol · 22/04/2021 17:16

I think its a bloody brilliant idea

Whatwouldscullydo · 22/04/2021 17:17

I'm really torn on this.

They should pay no question. And I think its disgusting that he could afford a wedding and honey moon but not to take the kids out to burger King or send money fir clothes.

But they don't pay fir a reason. Reasons that could include the fact that as well as being a responsibility shirking arsehole they were and continue to be financially abusive. I would worry that this would just result in abuse either verbally or physically towards the ex. And how would they treat the kids of they decided to take them over night to "reduce the bill" ( if it works like the UK where you pay less depending on if u have the kids over night)

Its the ex and kids dealing with the consequences of the anger

Dishwashersaurous · 22/04/2021 17:18

Absolutely brilliant.

Is an absolute recognition of the importance of rights comes with responsibility

Fuckitfuckit · 22/04/2021 17:22

YES!! My 13 year olds father's paid exactly £170 toward her upkeep during her lifetime. That includes stuff he bought her when we were together.

I'd love his passport to be taken away but then he would put of vindictiveness decide to get back into DDs life. His pound of flesh if you will. And its simply not worth it.

Ericaequites · 22/04/2021 17:26

I’m an American who thinks forced garnishment of child support after divorce is an excellent thing. The world stops until you pay for your children. Why would anyone with self respect want to marry someone who would not pay legally determined child support? It certainly sets precedent.

EveningOverRooftops · 22/04/2021 17:27

Yes a friend of mine was stuck in this loop whilst unemployed.

No passport, fine but also no drivers licence which massively impacted his ability to work and then pay child support.

So I agree with it all up to a point but if it stops the absent parent working then it’s a crap system.

Babygotblueyes · 22/04/2021 17:28

when I was living in the states a friend of mines ex got called up (he was a reserve) and they discovered that he had not paid child support - ever. Like since kiddo was 3 and at this point DC was 18. The military there does not tolerate not paying, so they made him pay it all back. In one go. He contacted my friend to ask her to sign something to let him off (guess if you are enough of a dick to not pay for your child, that sounds reasonable). She answered appropriately and enjoyed the large lump sum she received.

CovidSmart · 22/04/2021 17:30

Well the solution is easy though. These people people should paid the right maintenance when they HAD the money....

EveningOverRooftops · 22/04/2021 17:31

@Mummytemping

Personally I think child maintainance should be like student loans and removed at source based on your NI number but yes would definitely support this.
This would be excellent as it would encourage NRP to sort out employment faster rather than increase debt and it definitely should impact credit rating whereas student loans do not impact credit rating.
SueSaid · 22/04/2021 17:32

'Why would you need a passport to get a job'

Working overseas shouldn't be such a shocking idea surely. I know many people who do just that what with international travel.

Totally support the need to enforce payment, not by controlling passports though. What next, confiscate their cash cards?

CovidSmart · 22/04/2021 17:32

@Whatwouldscullydo, there would be change in payment if they decided to have the child more because it’s not about payment now, it’s about payment in areas. And that will always be the same.

Happycat1212 · 22/04/2021 17:33

I wouldn’t need to worry about how my ex would treat the children, he doesn’t see them anyway. A lot of NRP who don’t pay don’t bother to see the children either

Nancydrawn · 22/04/2021 17:35

There's actually a big problem here, at least as it relates to drivers licenses.

People who are behind on child support can have their license suspended in most states. But there's very, very bad public transportation in a lot of areas. It's genuinely impossible to get around without a car: not to go get food, not to get to your job, not to pick up the kids from school. Which means in order to do basic things like get to work, they drive illegally. They then get pulled over for suspended licenses. Usually they plead in a court and face fines, generally $500-$1000. But they have to pay those fines or face a warrant for their arrest, so they pay the fines rather than the child support, which in turn makes them further behind, and the cycle continues. Or, if they do prioritize child support, it means that they can be arrested on a warrant and spend some days in jail, making it far less likely that they can find employment in the future.

These kinds of warrants are also the sorts of things that can provoke confrontations that lead to officer-involved shootings. Daunte Wright, who was killed by a police officer who thought she had reached for her taser rather than her gun, was pulled over in part because he had a warrant attached to his license plate info. It wasn't for driving-while-suspended, but it certainly could be.

I recognize why the state has an interest in child support payments--they don't want to be on the hook for it. But it leads to all sorts of ramifications that aren't good for anyone involved.

Aprilshowersandhail · 22/04/2021 17:35

Maybe prevent them remarrying altogether? Men meet new dw's, assume financial liability for her dc and thus reducing what they have to pay for their OWN dc...

Susannahmoody · 22/04/2021 17:38

Why doesn't Britain do the same?

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 22/04/2021 17:39

@JaniieJones

'Why would you need a passport to get a job'

Working overseas shouldn't be such a shocking idea surely. I know many people who do just that what with international travel.

Totally support the need to enforce payment, not by controlling passports though. What next, confiscate their cash cards?

Get a different job then. Or explain to your boss why you can no longer do the "abroad" part of your job. Or just pay the bloody maintenance! Problem solved.
Nancydrawn · 22/04/2021 17:39

Passports are a different issue. Relatively few Americans have them: fifteen years ago, it was about a quarter; now it's about 40% (it's around 3/4 of all living in England and Wales).

It's not nearly the same problem--you can still get a job with a state ID (drivers license or non-licensed state ID) and a social security card to prove citizenship. You can also vote, buy age-related products, etc. without a passport (though in most cases you need a state ID for both).

NCforsafety · 22/04/2021 17:40

I completely agree that deadbeat dad's should be penalised but our system here is entirely broken and people who don't deserve to be punished will because of the ineptitude of the CMS.
My husband has ALWAYS paid full child maintenance and often a lot more than CMS dictate. However he lost his job last August and he had an almighty battle with CMS about proving it - eventually the DWP sorted out his job seekers allowance out and notified CMS so the demands stopped and he had a new bill which was based on his benefits.
Now though his job seekers allowance has stopped as it's more than 6 months and the CMS have decided he is back on his old salary - he isn't but they won't just accept that he is unemployed and get's not a penny of income or benefits. He now has a new bill based on old salary and as they cannot (or will not) sort this out he is showing as being hundreds of pounds in arrears each month despite earning a big fat zero each month.
Should he lose his passport driving licence etc because of the shit show joke that is CMS?

FireflyRainbow · 22/04/2021 17:42

Mine owes thousands yet jets off abroad multiple times a year. This would be amazing. I'd actually get money for the children of we had this here.

IbrahimaRedTwo · 22/04/2021 18:17

Working overseas shouldn't be such a shocking idea surely. I know many people who do just that what with international travel

It would be to the vast majority of Americans!

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 22/04/2021 18:39

This is crazy. We've had months of people wanging on about dictatorships and removal of civil liberties yet here we have posters supporting a country not issuing passports if you owe child maintenance 🙄. Maybe they need a passport to get an actual job to pay said child maintenance.

Well... just a thought... perhaps they could pay the child maintenance so that they don't lose their passports and can keep their jobs. And if they lose the job that requires a passport, perhaps they could get one of the millions of jobs that don't require passports.

Theunamedcat · 22/04/2021 18:43

@Ilovemaisie

Presumably he could have his honeymoon in the states though. If he lives in - say Vermont - and honeymoons in Florida he will have travelled further than someone who lives in England and honeymoon in Spain. Not really a 'punishment'. I do find it daft when in the USA they remove driving licences for non payment of child support (I have learned that from Judge Judy). Public transport is very poor in the US outside of major cities and often you can't just walk places (no footpaths on main roads) so no car = no way to get to work, no work = no money, no money = no child support !!
Thats kind of the point it makes people pay child support so it doesn't get to that stage they can apply for a variation if they lose there jobs or fall behind but if they persist in not paying they lose there licence