Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moments from past relationships which make you “wtf was that about?” when you look back?

126 replies

Ithinkyoullbejustfine · 22/04/2021 14:45

I’ll start...

ExDH would get in a massive sulk if I took a days annual leave and he wasn’t off too - to the point where on occasion he would ring in sick just to be home as well. He’d go on and on how I must have more annual leave days than I was telling him I did because I always seemed to be off?!

Silent treatment for days on end because DC and I went out with friends, the traffic coming back was horrendous so we were very late getting back Confused

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ithinkyoullbejustfine · 22/04/2021 14:58

Bump

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 22/04/2021 15:24

You're well away from that controlling bastard, well done.
Thankfully I haven't been in a controlling relationship. My most WTF moment was an ex's porn collection, drawers of video cassettes (this was 24 years ago) piles and piles of magazines on shelves. He would openly buy magazines when he was with me and dropped one crossing the high street in Leeds.

Pedalpushers · 22/04/2021 15:24

My ex would make comments putting me down, or deliberately wind me up with some 'devils advocate' opinion or 'debate', and then when I got angry would tell me he refused to speak to me if I was going to 'create drama'.

SecretWitch · 22/04/2021 15:31

My ex husband accused me of having an affair. It was a rainy day and he saw a “dry” spot on our driveway. He was badgering me about a boyfriend whilst I’m standing in front of him holding our six month old baby on my shoulder ( wearing a ratty sweatshirt with baby vomit down the front) Our toddler was watching tv and my husband asked him if “Mummy had any visitors today”...

I look back and think why did put up with that?

I also wonder if he was having an affair and was projecting that shit on me

Peasuper · 22/04/2021 15:45

So many. So so many. I’m embarrassed for myself if I think about it. But I’ve reached a good position of not ruminating on them whilst at the same time learning and never getting into those positions again.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 22/04/2021 15:47

When he said to me on the day I moved into my beautiful new house when I left him: 'you know you'll never meet anyone better than me.' Erm ok then I'll take my chances rather than be stuck with your abusive arse til I die. (Now happily remarried).

3dworld · 22/04/2021 15:55

Him going out for 1 drink after work and disappearing for 2 days most months.
All his weeks wages being gone the day after pay day leaving me to pay the bills.
The anger and road rage, if someone cut him up he'd jump out of the car and try to smack them in the face.
Delightful.

Raffles1981 · 22/04/2021 16:12

EXH and I both earned the same wage, yet if I dared to buy something at a shop, that we hadn't discussed, he would stand over me and demand to see a receipt. And explanation for how much was spent. I honestly cannot believe I let him do things like that to me. Its one of many, many, many issues but that was the first that came to me when reading your post OP.

Yawnthisway · 22/04/2021 16:13

He looked over my shoulder at a cash machine and told me I was lucky because I had so much money. I was only 19 and I was checking that the £40k from my mother’s estate had come through. She’d only been dead 8 months or so. I do remember explaining at the time what it was but he didn’t apologise just continued to detail what he’d do with “so much money”...I’m horrified looking back that I didn’t challenge him or even tell him to shut up.

Another time I massively went out of my way to help him with something when he called me in a panic and he later said what a nice thing it was to do and openly admitted he wouldn’t of done the same for me.

I eventually did dump him 4 years after cash machine incident after he continually behaved like my feelings were unimportant - he was devastated!

No stories like that since him - I take no shit now Smile

BumCat · 22/04/2021 16:25

I had an ex who used to be weirdly militant about my pubic hair, if it was “too long” or “too much” and would make comments about me needing to “sort it out”, usually right after sex 👍.

I was with him 18-21 so I was young and insecure, no way would I put up with that sort of bullshittery now.

Herecomesspring1 · 22/04/2021 16:35

@3dworld Did he have a coke habit?

3dworld · 22/04/2021 16:50

@Herecomesspring1 yes he did. I didn't realise for a long time though.

TurquoiseDragon · 22/04/2021 16:50

My ex would huff and puff if I were out longer than I'd estimated. Had a family wedding on a lovely day, and he'd decided he wasn't going, he didn't "do weddings". I stayed at the wedding, with DD, for as long as I could, but still kept early to spoil the huffing and puffing. I'd got compliments for how I looked that day, and my ex told me I looked like a sack of potatoes. So, a theme of nasty comments designed to puncture any good mood I had.

No one's doing that to me anymore.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 22/04/2021 16:53

I had a horrible ex in my early 20s. He was addicted to ket and I’ve never taken drugs so that was a total mismatch in itself. He pinned me up against the wall with his hands around my throat to prevent me leaving his house and he once held a knife to my throat. He also used to take my phone off me as a method of control because I wouldn’t be able to leave his house until I got my phone back. If I turned up wearing lipstick he’d wipe it off my face with a baby wipe. He used to subtly put me down a lot and dress it up as a joke.

When I eventually left him (Christ knows why I stuck around so long- young and dumb!) he stalked me for months. Used to follow me to work, shout things from his car window or beep his horn, park outside my house and just sit there, use any phone he could get his hands on to call or text me because his was blocked and posted letters through my door. It escalated and he assaulted me in broad daylight so I contacted the police and thankfully never heard from him again. Weirdly at the time I didn’t feel frightened but thinking back to it, I should have been terrified. So lucky he didn’t go any further.

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 22/04/2021 16:59

I went out with someone in my late 20s who said I clearly wasn't close to my sister because she didn't come and chat to me while I was in the bath .

We worked in the same place and always asked me to take him out lunch time (he didn't drive). Pub, bank, you name it.

God, he was exhausting!!

DrManhattan · 22/04/2021 17:12

Too many.

Trixie1602 · 22/04/2021 17:14

My ex used to give me silent treatment for days , then blame procrastination Confused

One time told me he'd rather be with his mates on a date night I'd planned for weeks

Then finally admitted he only asked me to move in with him to replace his ex housemates half of the bills & felt "pressured" by me to let me move in

Kindest thing he ever did was end the relationship.
Tried crawling back a few times over the years but now I'm happily engaged to a wonderful & loving man & have a beautiful son

Good things come to those who wait Smile

Herecomesspring1 · 22/04/2021 17:15

@3dworld they’re devious bastards x

GrimDamnFanjo · 22/04/2021 17:25

Ex I saw mid-20s who was obsessed by a girlfriend he had a short lived relationship with at university. A bit of a romeo and Juliet scenario.
He was still nuts about her. His mate said how much I looked like her. Hope got over her eventually.

CravingTheSun · 22/04/2021 17:29

I cringe so much thinking back to previous relationships!

I put up with loads, lots of OTT reactions. My older ex boyfriend from when I was in my teens used make arguments out of nothing and then cry (really loudly!) all the time, because he was always high/drunk or both.

I’m not a huge drinker, but he used to monitor how many drinks I had. If I ever got a bit tipsy he used to take me home and tell me I was embarrassing. He also used to mock me for liking certain songs or films + had always had something to say about everything I ever wore/my make up.

He got in touch with me not that long ago and told me he didn’t think I would make anything of my life but he was happy for me now (I have - moved away, went to uni, have a career etc). So that’s how lowly he thought of me! I didn’t reply.

He makes my skin crawl now. I’m so glad it ended. I don’t know why I put up with it for so long or what I ever saw in him!

ladsholiday · 22/04/2021 17:39

[quote Herecomesspring1]@3dworld Did he have a coke habit?[/quote]
I thought the same thing

Meggie2008 · 22/04/2021 17:52

Oh god loads! Also another one with a coke habit that it took me far too long to work out. Stole my birthday money from me, denied it when I asked him about it and let me totally convince myself id accidentally drawn it out of my bag somewhere and lost it.
Used to hit the roof I spoke to anyone else in the pub and accuse me of cheating on him.
Constantly told me I needed him because I didn't have any friends and all of our friends only spoke to me because I was with him (funnily enough turned out to be quite the opposite!)

Can't believe I put up with his rubbish for 9 years. Seeing a lovely bloke now who goes out of his way to make me laugh on a daily basis.

Rosewood017 · 22/04/2021 18:07

Who are the poor women who end up with our rejects?

I let myself be walked all over in my 20s.

One ex earned double my wage but was so tight. He lived with his parents but came over most nights expecting dinner. He would drink red wine every night and complain if I got one he didn't like (I don't do red). I stopped buying it and told him I couldn't afford it, so he said not to worry he'll just have some of my white.

If we went out and bill was say £50, I'd put down £30 thinking he'd say don't worry let me treat you for once. But instead he'd put down 20.. if I suggested he put in more for tip he would rant about tip not being mandatory.

Even if we had to drive somewhere he would walk straight to the passenger side of my car, even though his own car was parked next to it.

I exploded at him one day and he accused me of being after his money!

Dacquoise · 22/04/2021 18:14

Not clocking that my exDH was using most of his annual leave to play sport during the week until years after our divorce. He claimed the weekends for his hobbies, only ever took ten days max for 'family ' holidays including weekends and worked away most of the week. I got so used to his absence it didn't occur to me. Lockdown must have been very interesting with wife number two!

SilentPanic · 22/04/2021 18:26

This time last year, I had just found out that my DP had been having a long-running affair with my best friend. I cannot believe I forgave him, and sort of accepted I was over-reacted. Over lockdown 1, I became a wreck. He was still in touch with her, I knew it, had no proof.
I finally ended it when he said he wanted to be able to see her, and that I was being possessive and that he wasn't allowed to have any female friends. (Of course he was allowed. Just not one he fucked behind my back.)
The manipulation was disgusting. Can't believe I let myself be made to feel so worthless.