Moments from past relationships which make you “wtf was that about?” when you look back?

[Ithinkyoullbejustfine]

I’ll start...

ExDH would get in a massive sulk if I took a days annual leave and he wasn’t off too - to the point where on occasion he would ring in sick just to be home as well. He’d go on and on how I must have more annual leave days than I was telling him I did because I always seemed to be off?!

Silent treatment for days on end because DC and I went out with friends, the traffic coming back was horrendous so we were very late getting back

Anyone else?

Was with ex-prick for 8 years. So much I could write about. Worst was when a relative was dying in hospital and I spent a lot of time there basically waiting for it to happen, barely sleeping, I went home to get some rest but he insisted I drop into his for sex. I told him no, because I was exhausted and completely not in the mood. He kicked off and went on a rant about he was more tired than me because he working on a 'big project' AKA sitting on his arse working from home doing a job which is basically a hobby. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried my eyes out. I never forgave him for that. He also had no issue spending my money, but I once told him I had a dream we went on a nice holiday and woke up disappointed because it felt so real, he went ballistic and accused me of wanting to spend the money he was earning. I often look back and want to punch past-me in the face, but then I just realise how manipulated and emotionally abused I was and feel sad. He then had the cheek to dump me for being depressed - totally not because he had drained me of any sense of self worth. Nope.

My ex started a full blown row with me when I was at my best friends house having pizza for tea because "you don't eat pizza with me so what other parts of your personality are you hiding from me? I hate it when girls pretend to be someone else around their boyfriend"

K den.

So many. Left me to go to IKEA alone to buy furniture for our first flat. I managed to buy huge wardrobe, armchair, tv stand etc, somehow get all this stuff out to a taxi, get it across London, bring it up 3 flights of stairs- BUILD THE FUCKING WARDROBE BY MYSELF then moaned he didn’t like it.

In similar vein allowed me to decorate DD’s nursery by myself, was up a step ladder painting at 8months pregnant and then he told me what a shit job I’d done. Should have done an undercoat apparently.

There were worse but I ended things over them!

When I was 17 I ‘dated’ a guy that was 25. Why was he infested I a. 17 year old. Horrid looking back

My ex DH would only buy me halfs if we went out because pints were not lady like 😂🤦🏻‍♀️
When it was my round I'd order myself pints and him halfs. I would get a lecture about drinking. Idiot 😂

On the day I told him my (terminal) friend had passed away, he went out with his friends to the pub after his work finished. Apparently I should have told him he should come home...

My ex was abusive so there are ao many examples but the one that really makes me mad is when we were having the bathroom refitted at his request, agreed a date for the works to be done (with him) and on the day the workmen were arriving he expected me to take a day off work to let the workmen in even though he was on leave and in the house. So he refused to get up from the sofa and walk about 7 metres to the door and thought I should stay at home to do it! Mental!

My ex did this and if I had a pint wouldn't speak to me for 24-48 hours!

I had some horrible exs the day I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend he went out with his friends and cheated on me I stupidly forgave him. He used to tell all sorts of lies including lying about having cancer and would threaten to kill himself whenever l tried to break up with him. And another ex had bizarre sexual fantasies and kept trying to get me to do them oh and accused me of being a lesbian because he couldn't give me an orgasm.

God knows I’ve been out with ( and been married to) some f*ing idiots but this thread actually reassures me that I’m not alone. I just wish I hadn’t wasted my younger years with them.

My first partner was obsessed with his ex (think teenage relationship). And I mean obsessed! It was mainly about the circumstances of their break up and it was pretty well constant. Like the proverbial ‘third person in the relationship’. I was not precisely well-adjusted back then either, to be fair! No idea why I thought I had to put up with it all though.

@FourTurnings I feel the same. I wasted so many of my younger years with men that were so obviously wrong for me. Thankfully, I’ve finally learnt my lessons and built up some self-esteem. I’m single but would rather be alone than put up with some of the awful things I went through in the past!

Where do you want to start.

The most exhausting thing was turning absolutely everything into an argument. So every throwaway remark became a segue for his opinion about why something was as it was.

Always at best ill-informed, at worst downright stupid. I would have the choice of a) gently challenge this ill-informed garbage and have a fight or b) not challenge it for a quiet life and listen to 45 minutes of him ranting about it and seeking validation from me as to why he was so right.

To give a random example: pharmaceuticals: he was convinced that the entire pharmaceutical industry was an attempt to suppress 'natural remedies' which apparently could naturally cure cancer and wipe out greenhouse gases if we'd simply call off the nasty pharmaceutical companies.

Just got to a point where I couldn't be bothered to argue with stupid any more so I listened for a quiet life. Then started to hate myself for capitulating to this garbage.

we're divorced. Obviously. If there's one thing I've taken away from my marriage its that pretending to be more stupid than you actually are to salve someone else's ego never ends well.

First experience of a narcissist, really broke me. He was a 'musician' ie an ex cokehead and a weed addict. Put me up there on a pedestal then knocked me right off, it was brutal. Everything I did was wrong; the way I breathed and looked. I fucked him off after few months and he threatened to kill himself.

He was an awful, pathetic, cruel man who spoke to his mother like shit.

I realised it was over when I had to convince an ex not to spend the whole weekend of my 21st birthday playing cricket but to maybe just play on the Saturday and come to the family bbq on the Sunday (my actual birthday was on the Saturday) and he was late to the bbq because he dropped in to see “the lads” up at the cricket club.

He wouldn’t have a conversation about our future - we’d been together 2 years by that point and I’m not really the marrying kind, especially not at 22ish but I kinda wanted to know that we had some sort of similar idea of a future.

He still lived with his parents (he was 25ish) despite earning a decent wage and clearly being able to afford a small flat or share with a friend. He’d had a few offers from mates but always wanted to stay with his parents. That would have been fine if he was maybe saving for a deposit but his parents house was filthy and dirty and he slept in the bottom of his childhood bunk bed.

He was kind though. Just needed to grow up.

Apparently he had a one night stand many years after we split with a colleague, got her preggers and had to grow up quick.

Showing a new boyfriend around my house. We got to the bedroom and I opened the door and said "This is my bedroom"

He said "Whose bedroom?" I was confused until he corrected me, saying "Our bedroom" whilst nodding.

Got rid of him pretty quickly.

An Ex who only would shower/bath once a week "as he didn't sweat much"

Years ago a boyfriend and I split for 6 months and got back together. I had moved in with him and was looking for something in a drawer when I found a bunch of letters to a girl he has been dating while we were “on a break”. We had been at my family in another city for a weekend, and he made out that he had been visiting his own family (my family were quite cool, so I could understand why he would want them.

He would also get the bus with me while I was going to uni and he was going to work. He’d get off at his stop. Then when the bus pulled out of view he would cross the road and get the bus back home, call in sick and then lie about the flat all day smoking hash.

I’m so glad I came to my sense

@BumCat

I had an ex who used to be weirdly militant about my pubic hair, if it was “too long” or “too much” and would make comments about me needing to “sort it out”, usually right after sex 👍.

I was with him 18-21 so I was young and insecure, no way would I put up with that sort of bullshittery now.

I had one of these as a teenager, 25 years ago. Remember lying in bed with him naked after having had sex when he commented, “You know, I prefer pubic hair to only be in the pubic region.”

Now, I didn’t have a forest growing up my stomach or anything so I was confused and just said, “that’s where it is?” Looking back I genuinely think he expected pubic hair to just appear in tiny neat patches.

He was an utter weirdo in many ways though. It ended when he made a loud and overly conspicuous proclamation of his love for me when we were standing at the bar in our local pub. In that moment all I felt was horror and I just nodded. He looked pained and said, “Well? Do you love me?” I replied, “Not really” and, well, that was that.

Anyway we are friends on Facebook now and I only keep him there because my whole family including my husband find his comments on my posts hilarious (he hasn’t changed).

Another ex used to tell me that he thought women should be farmed like cows and pigs. To this day I’m not sure if he was serious.

First proper boyfriend, when I was 17. In many respects he was lovely, but he paid way too much attention to other women. It made me feel very insecure, but it was my first relationship and I thought it was normal, that all men did this and I was being silly for getting upset. He enforced this idea by teasing me for being a "Jealous Annie". It was hard not to be when every time we went out, if an attractive woman walked past his head would practically swivel backwards to get a better look.

After a year he dumped me for someone else. It stung like hell, but now I can see that I was spared a lifetime of being made to feel like shit.

So many, but I was pretty WTF when I was a teenager myself.

The one I more recently WTF but used to feel guilty about was a lass I was dating when I was 17. I completely ignored the red flags about how weird she'd get if I was excited to see other people - like I had friends who'd gone off to uni that were coming home to visit and she'd grill me.

But the real WTF part was our schools had different spring breaks and I'd spent all of mine visiting her, and after she got out of school me, her, and two of her friends who were also a couple would go do stuff but she and her friend would go off and I'd be stuck for ages with the boyfriend. Every day this happened, and after the 2nd or 3rd day she started grilling me on if I liked him and this and that. He was a nice guy, but I'd traveled to see her and upfront said I'd rather not be left with the guy. Last time we spoke was the week after when she again asked me if I liked him and told me and he and her other friend had broken up. We faded apart after that and I'd always felt like I hadn't done enough until I told that story to my spouse last year and he said 'Sounds like she fancied her friend'. It had never occurred to me before, but I think he might be right.

Looking back I think I was being treated like a good back-up/handy for double dates until her friend became available & once she was, I wasn't needed anymore.

When I was 17 I dated a guy who was weirdly close to his sister. They used to hold hands walking down the street, she'd sit on his lap and rest her head on his shoulder etc. I was also good friends with this sister and she once said to me "you know he loved ME first and will always love me more than you."

I also dated a guy in my early 20s who would go to the toilet multiple times when we were out and come back with a sopping wet face.
He would always wear one of 2 outfits - usually a shirt, tie with jumper over the top - even if it was boiling hot. I stayed over his a few times and he slept fully dressed in this outfit. He refused to receive any attention sexually. Nothing at all - always a giver. Eventually I was so confused by this blokes behaviour I said seeya!! But I will always wonder what was going on in his head.

An ex who, during the foot and mouth crisis, insisted his Chinese Water dragon was in danger because "technically, lizards have hooves". He was totally serious.

The first one that springs to mind is the boyfriend who had sex with me then pretended like he had multiple personalities and asked me if I’d had sex with Him (the other him). Weird as fuck. Prior to that he seemed totally normal. I’m fairly convinced he was putting it on but I have no idea why.

I finished with an ex who lived with me, and before he left he asked if we could have sex ‘one last time’... and so we did and I hated every moment of it of course. I think I only did it because I wanted him to just leave with as little confrontation as possible. Yuck yuck yuck. I feel sick thinking about it.

He wasn’t controlling or abusive AT ALL throughout the relationship, but I feel like that was and I’m still kicking myself 12 years later that I agreed instead of telling him to get fucked.