Moments from past relationships which make you “wtf was that about?” when you look back?

[Ithinkyoullbejustfine]

I’ll start...

ExDH would get in a massive sulk if I took a days annual leave and he wasn’t off too - to the point where on occasion he would ring in sick just to be home as well. He’d go on and on how I must have more annual leave days than I was telling him I did because I always seemed to be off?!

Silent treatment for days on end because DC and I went out with friends, the traffic coming back was horrendous so we were very late getting back

Anyone else?

@Raffles1981 I don’t know to this day as he gaslighted me so much. It is terrifying and it still haunts me.
I have no proof that it happened but do believe I should have gone to the police. I hate myself for it

Told my boyfriend at the time that I was shattered and didn't feel 100%, so I was going to have a sleep. I worked nights so it wasn't unusual for me to have a nap mid evening before getting ready for work. He drove 40 minutes out of his way to turn up to my flat, let himself in silently and then throw my bedroom door open and turned the big light on dramatically, to find me, curled up sparko and fucked off that he'd woken me up and frightened me. I took my key off him and ended it there and then with that one. He obviously didn't trust me and I wasn't about to waste my time if he was so wrong about my character.

I was out with one ex and his family one day, him and his mum were walking behind me as I was chatting to his dad. I looked behind and the ex was holding hands with his mum - hands intertwined like a couple. He didn't even live with them, he had his own flat and we were in our twenties.

I lost my virginity really late and had never had good sex so my self confidence and self esteem were fucked up. I ended up being raped by an ex which I told a male friend about and he was horrified at how I had been treated. Said he was different, had sex with loads of women and I should give him a try. We started a fwb situation... Well... He was completely rubbish at sex. Totally selfish, never even tried to make sure i was having fun. Once got up mid way through because he was bored and started texting. I eventually asked if we could introduce toys and he said no. He said he didn't want to try and make me come in case it didn't happen and it ruined his confidence.

Fuckhead. Stupid me put up with this for far too long. Now happily engaged to an amazing man - sex life is non existent at the moment but I cried the first time we had sex because he was so willing to please me and was so gentle and loving. Shame we have to learn the lessons the hard way.

Was with a guy for 18 months in my early 20s. At a party “our” slow dance came up and when I went to find him he was dancing with someone else and didn’t see why he should stop. Also he stood me up on my birthday and went out drinking with his mates instead. I finished with him not long after that. Was single for a while until I met my lovely respectful DH.

During a court case where he’d sexually assaulted me while I was in the bath with my daughter, slammed the door repeatedly on my arm and thrown our newborn son on the bed calling him a cunt he said I’d stolen his bucket and spade out of the porch. Nice bloke.

Some of these are just horrendous

Why are so many men just fucking weird, controlling and abusive?

Mine is a old boyfriend who said at the start of our relationship that even though I was a woman he'd still hit me back if I hit him first! The weird thing was we were together for just over a year and he was completely fine throughout the relationship other than that one off comment. I wasn't the sort of person who hit their boyfriends so no idea why he felt he needed to tell me that.

I had an ex who said that my personality detracted from my looks. WTF.

Fortunately for him his personality didn't detract from his looks as he wasn't good looking and didn't have a good personality.

I can pinpoint the moment I should have first left my ex. We’d been together a matter of days when he took me to visit his parents. I realise now that he wanted to show off their large house and fancy cars, but I was oblivious at the time. He decided he wanted to go into their garden and, as he was opening the door, told me not to let his parents dogs into the garden. Suddenly three large dogs were jumping all over me barking and snapping and I panicked and stepped back, letting one of their dogs out. My ex turned to me and started shouting, really telling me off like a naughty child. It was horrible and humiliating and when I look back, I can’t believe I stayed with someone who spoke to me like that.

The oddest thing that happened was the time we were going to dinner with his parents. I didn’t realise at the time but their marriage was coming to an end and they were in real financial difficulty, so things were a bit tense. Just was we were parking, his Dad kicked off about something. He ended up getting out of the car and storming off. We went to the restaurant with ex’s Mum who had a little cry, then started talking about another time when his Dad did something similar, only that time he’d stormed off with the car keys and left my ex stranded. She then turned to me and said that I should remember as I was there. I told her I wasn’t, it must’ve been someone else, but she kept on telling me that it was me, I’d been there and it was one of her friends who’d driven me home. She was so insistent telling me that I was wrong, that I didn’t know myself whether I was there or not and that I’d obviously just forgotten. I could almost remember being there. It was really unsettling to have someone try and convince me that something had happened to me that I knew really didn’t. I still have no idea why she said any of it and why she didn’t believe me. Ex’s Dad apparently walked for hours in the dark to get home!

During a friend's birthday night out, I had to briefly go home, and when I returned to the group, he wasn't there so I thought it would be funny to hide from him. He turned up and started saying things like "is she not back yet, silly cow" in front of our (my) friends, total overreaction.

On different weekends when I was visiting him at teaching placements:

Told me "for gods sake don't be yourself around the kids, if you give an inch, they take a mile" (i think the kids were carol singing in the high st).

Preferred to play computer games than spend time with me as he "hadn't had time during the week".

Dropped me off at the unmanned station in the dark 45 minutes early because there was something he really wanted to watch on telly.

My ex used to send Outlook calendar invites to gigs and concerts- think Paul McCartney in Hyde Park or Fleetwood Mac type things.
The first time I called him excited about the concert only to be told he was going with his friends and the invite was to book me to look after our daughter while he went.

I shudder when I think of my abusive ex and what he did to me.
One morning I woke up to him saying I should be weighed and wanted to know how much I weighed, literally I had just woken up. He knew I was struggling with an eating disorder. Next thing I know he's come back from the spare room with callipers and started measuring my 'fat' ...he then proceeded to tell me I was disgusting for being skin and bone.
Another time we were having a morning coffee, in bed and he just said right I'm going to call the police on you, how dare you do that.....I hadn't even got out of bed! I was so scared of him I genuinely thought he would call the police and I would be arrested.
He also kept telling me he should take charge of my medication and I should take X2 more to help me 'behave'.
Other less obvious things. I turned up at his house and he said I looked disgusting and laughed at me because I had put my nose stud in. If it was now I'd of told him to sod off and never see him again but instead I spent the evening shampooing his carpet (not a euphemism!)
Another time he invited me over for food only for him to say please cook it whilst he sat watching the boxing and kept demanding beers.
He was obsessed with the gym and said we should workout together. He forced me to drink a pre workout shake which I couldn't stomach and made me Ill and tingling because of whatever the hell was in it but he still forced me to finish it.
He wanted me to drive him somewhere then got in a mood because he felt car sick and it was my fault.
I wish I'd got out earlier unfortunately he became violent and sexually assaulted me many times and it got worse until I did get out of the situation
Men like this will only ever get worse.

@Kalettesarethebest

My ex h used to secretly film me and my children when he was at work (he used a camera set up on the pc) I only found out about this when checking my emails on the computer and was contacted by a German man who, strangely had the same name as ex. He started referring to me as yummy mummy then went on to refer to my children ‘especially the little one ‘ (she was a toddler at the time) I contacted my ex straight away and he was able to gaslight me through it but I still think about it now (years later, my girls are late teens/ early 20’s) the German man was obviously a paedophile. It’s traumatic looking back and I often wonder how he managed to convince me he hadn’t done anything. Not only was he secretly spying on us but also broadcasting us for anyone to see. I wish I’d gone to the police but it would be years before I would be free of him and I was extremely naive (he abused me in a lot of ways)

@Kalettesarethebest that’s horrendous so glad you are now away from him.

My ex installed a program on our shared PC so he could log on from his phone anytime and see what I was doing. I don’t know what he thought I was doing (I was mostly playing FarmVille🤣🤣) 🤷‍♀️

My ex installed a program on our shared PC so he could log on from his phone anytime and see what I was doing. I don’t know what he thought I was doing (I was mostly playing FarmVille🤣🤣) 🤷‍♀️

I miiss playing FarmVille, if only I'd spent as much time in my garden as I did on my farm.😂

Starting seeing a guy at uni in my first term. I’d stayed at his room one night and when we woke up in the morning he started claiming I’d been talking in my sleep telling him to go away and I didn’t like him. Not one person had ever mentioned I talked in my sleep so brushed it off but he preserved with this line for a few weeks.

He then started telling me that really I should’ve gone to another uni and that he thought I’d be happier somewhere else. I wasn’t sure at this point if he just didn’t want to go out with me anymore but the relationship continued for a few more months. During those few months he invited me out to Sweden where his family lived. I arrived home halfway through the summer break and he completely ghosted me. When we went back to uni he finally broke up with me because his family had decided that I wasn’t clever enough to be with him and were offended I hadn’t learn Swedish before travelling out to meet them (because travelling solo to meet an unknown family isn’t nerve wrecking enough?!). I still puzzle over the whole situation!!!

@Ithinkyoullbejustfine, I wouldn't spend too much time on it. He's probably eaten his first wife by now and looking for his second. I have met some real nutjobs in my time and they spend most of the time trying to convince you that you are the problem.

I got pregnant at 16 by my 19 year old boyfriend. When I was 5 months pregnant he hit me so hard I fell over on the pavement. I never told anyone.
He thought it was funny to put an acid tab in my cup of tea when I was pregnant. I was so hurt, angry and upset and he just mocked me. I stayed with him for 5 miserable years whilst he verbally, emotionally and physically abused me. I left my hometown with my 6 year old on my own and moved to london to start again.
The sense of freedom it gave me was incredible.
I’ve now been with my amazing DH for 22 years but the effects of the abuse will never leave me.

I was in a long term emotionally abusive relationship and I try not to think about all the things that were said and done but as we broke up my dad died. The very last time I saw my ex boyfriend immediately after dad died one of the last things he ever said to me was 'so when is the big day?'. In response the last words I ever uttered to him where 'for future reference a big day is a wedding not a funeral'.

I had spent years being questioned and controlled and told what I could and couldn't wear.

@3dworld

Him going out for 1 drink after work and disappearing for 2 days most months. All his weeks wages being gone the day after pay day leaving me to pay the bills. The anger and road rage, if someone cut him up he'd jump out of the car and try to smack them in the face. Delightful.

I had an ex exactly the same - also a secret coke addict.

Except his rage didn’t stop at road rage. He was incredibly violent and a couple of times attacked men just because they dared speak to me. He actually went to prison for a few months after beating up an old friend of mine because we were chatting in a club.

I’m fucking disgusted in myself that I stayed with him for so long (even dutifully visiting him weekly in prison)

This was 20 years ago. One of my oldest friends is now seeing him and says he has “changed” but I have had to cut contact with her as I just can’t bear to watch as I know men like that rarely change.

My wtf moment is actually a series of moments - I should have blocked and deleted in the first instance of assholery - from a man I made close friends with over the course of last year.

On social media said individual posted all sorts of sexist memes treating women like slabs of meat, posts about anxiety and depression for attention, wokeish "no debate" posts, flirting with a girl almost a third of his age, a harem of female 'followers', stonewalling and gaslighting but also stringing me along by giving me the impression that he wanted me as a friend and getting upset when I wasn't available (triangulation)... ad nauseam.

Walking away felt sooo good.

My ex who I spent 9 years with and have 2 DS, used to be a gambling addict and also addicted to weed.
When we first met, he said he wanted to be a store manager and wanted to go far in life etc. I was totally drawn in, we went on to have a family and that's when things changed. He would spend all his money of gambling and weed and not contribute to clothes for the children, the car when it broke etc, but wanted to borrow money off me and he had blown his. He never came to functions and days out with my family, he just wanted to stay home and gamble all weekend. I even had to pay him to come to his own sons christening. I didn't know how bad his gambling was as we were trying to save up for a house deposit and I found out he had a over £8000 in debt due to gambling. He finally left me and shacked up with someone nee after 2 weeks. It was hard work and I actually hit rock bottom. Fast forward 3 years and I'm now in a loving relationship with a partner that is so lovely and I feel like he has my back and we are a team. We are doing building work on our new house, I have got a new Bette paid job and also we bought a new family car. It's amazing what you can achieve when you get rid of the dead weight.

When I met my ex husband he seemed the nicest person I had ever met, fast forward to the week before the wedding suddenly he stayed out drinking and ignoring me, I put it down to nerves about the wedding, seriously it was so out of character well no, this was his real personality!, Married him with a few doubts, well he turned out to be the most disgusting, porn addicted dickhead I've ever met, always playing me off with other women, constantly drinking and being an absolute prick. Ended up holding me down assaulting me drunk! Got convicted and I left immediately.. 3 years later I am in a relationship with a lovely man who has my back completely.

My ex once stopped speaking to me for a fortnight over a carrier bag. This is one of the many and varied reasons why he is an ex, but that's the one I like to tell people about because it's so fucking ridiculous.

Some of these are heartbreaking.

My ex was super into his family (who were wealthy and like to show it) usually at the exclusion of mine and they had a terrific hold over him as there precious only child.

Anyway, he was a complete twat, I remember a cab back from a dinner with his parents when he had drunk a fair bit and he pointed at two girls (in normal club wear) and declared that ‘footballers don’t rape girls, they don’t need to because girls go out dressed like that’.

I was young and didn’t know what to do but i’m still annoyed at younger me for not coming down hard on this. He is a partner in a law firm now.

Ex who did loads that made me cringe at how awful he was to me. Really strange behaviour sometimes, baby voice at odd times. Looking back he was incredibly selfish but also maybe manic, staggering highs and lows. I knew to walk away when he aggressively accused me of being a gold digger, like he was a prosecutor in court and looking for that take down, gosh he thought he was so smart. Ready for the kill, it went on for five hours? Except I’d paid for him every time we went out and helped him with rent one time... what an idiot i was. He was furious at me mentioning that in response, and anyway I must be a gold digger as he might one day earn more than me... it was exhausting. Very much like a pp who didn’t know whether to stay silent for an easier life. He’s married now, his wife looks nice so I really hope she’s ok.

@Kalettesarethebest - I hear you. My ex DH followed me to my new home, after work every day, text messages, abusive, long rants calling me so many names. Constant harassment. I got as far as the local police station, to enquire about a restraining order. Can still hear myself saying "I don't want to harm his career" (he was in the raf) I didn't go ahead with it. I was still under his control. It's insane how you think when under the spell.