to not beleive that a women not breast feed is selfish and using 'i couldnt' as an excuse?

[aleciawalton]

im a mum of 1 who bf till 15 months, and now pregnant with second and will bf. i also am a breast friend and took training to support mums who are bfeeding. ( learned how milk is produced, history, attachment...)

i just think that too many women use 'i couldnt bf' as an excuse. its only been in the last 50 to 60 years bottles and formula have been around. what happened back then??? did more then 50% of the babys die? no cuase back then 99% women breast fed! why could they do it then and not now???
i just feel it a cop out and the mums are just being selfish.
yes its hard, but so was labour, so raising a kid. however they choise to have the baby. i know it takes time and comittment and not having that all important wine drink. but i personaly think that its for how long??? if i can give my child the best start and yes it can take a year or 2 but is my child not worth it??
if some one said to you while prego you have a choise to either have your baby and make your child as healthy as it can be or just have the baby, what would you want? why do we give the baby vitamine K, if not to help the baby be healthy. would you not get your baby vaccinated?

sorry just makes me mad. when i hear my nipples hurt and thats cant be normal so i stopped. or babys 3 weeks old and wanted feeding all the time so it ment i didnt have enough milk so i stopped. or there's a xmas party i want to go to so im not going to bf. the exuces go one. i really love the one 'bf is not natural, its disusting'. WTF were breast made for then and why does milk come out of them???

Breast feeding supporters are surely there for women who want to breastfeed. Want being the operative word. For those who don't want to, why on earth should they have to explain, let alone, justify themselves to anyone? Grrrr...

Hear, Hear! Well said lucy5! There's hardly a week go by where I dont think 'maybe I could have done something' 'maybe it was my fault' Have I bonded less with baby no1 & 2? But then with a bit of reasurance from hubby and a big cuddle from them all, and everything is fine again. But I really do feel for those who cant. As the saying goes 'if at first you dont succeed, try, try again'! It worked for me.

Only read bits and pieces of the thread - but no I didn't breast feed - reason? I didn't want to. I had no desire what so ever to do it and no I don't feel guilty. My DD has missed 1/2 day in 3 yrs of school through illness and neither of my children has any allergy or intolerence.

Its personal choice and thats the difference now - its the year 2007 and we have the choice.

aleciawalton - how supportive of you I would have though as a trained support person for mums you might have been far more understanding and far more supportive.

There are many reasons why a woman may not breastfeed. Almost all of these are valid reasons. And there are some woman who simply caanot breastfeed, again for a range of reasons.

Personally, based on the OP, I think you are not the right person to be working as a "breast friend" at this time, until you have learnt to become more understanding of many genuine and real problems that new mums face, and learn how to help them over come them where possible in a supportive manner (not getting mad and calling them selfish)and to be more able to help those who have to concede that actually no, they can't breastfeed for some reason.

Did OP actually come back or was it a dodgy one off type thing?

The OP is just so sanctimonious and patronising and makes women feel inadequate. I BF each Ds for 6mths but didn't want to continue past that...was I wrong to stop so "early"? My friend had BF Counsellors to help her with each of her DC's and try as she might it just didn't work, she did express BM with each for 6weeks+ but found that she had no time to enjoy her children as she was pumping away for so long.
A friend who I look up to as a "Mother Earth" perfect mother type didn't even attempt to BF her two....each to their own and please, stop being so bloody judgmental!

I haven't breastfed any of my 3. The midwife I had for DD 12 weeks asked if I would BF or Bottle. I said bottle and she didn't say a word against it. In fact she said it would be easier for me as I have a 5 and 6 year old, school runs, homework etc.

I've been following this for quite a while now hulababy and I dont think I've seen op come back. If she did it was very breifley. So a very dodgey one off I think, and I also dont think she is trained either! If she is she should take legal action against the fraud that told her she was trained, she's upset alot of people.

LittleBella, the OP isn't a breastfeeding counsellor, she's not trained for anything like as long as a bfc does.

Pruners

Harpsi, I like the ice skating analogy. VVV, perhaps you had different skates when you bfed DS? Or something...

LOL yes! Undoubtedly pregnancy caused my feet to spread and my skates were too tight. Or something.......

It's strange how the OP has posted and ran!!!! Not defending herself is she after causing so much distress

I haven't read everything that's been posted, so sorry if I'm repeating anything.

It is exactly this sort of attitude that has given me the chip on my shoulder about bf. It has taken me a long time to stop feeling guilty about turning to bottles in the end for my DD and I now just feel angry that it was exactly this sort of sentiment that really affected the way I viewed myself as a mother in those early months.

I had a bad time giving birth and a difficult time trying to establish breastfeeding, but neither was a real horror story. However, I was struggling to bond with DD because of the pain I was in trying to feed her and in the end she went on to bottles. If I'm honest I probably could have pushed on through, but I didn't and don't regret it. She has not suffered and is a bright, happy and healthy 21 month old now. I started to bond with her as soon as I no longer feared the pain that came with trying to feed her. Shoot me down if you like for this, but this is how I felt at that time.

I have no doubt that switching to bottles was right for us, but I am always conscious that people like the OP think that I copped out and am not committed enough as a mother. That could not be further from the truth and the idea that you are a better and more committed mother just because you bf is ludicrous. But the way it seems some people think. The way you feed your child initially is only the starting point in parenthood and I wish this was remembered more.

Sorry - rant over.

scottish mummy dd1 is now a happy healthy strapping 5yo(as you can see on my profile> who unless you saw the scars you would never know.

I had dd3 in Mar and am/was able to breastfeed her with little hassle.

After struggling with dd2 - I went on to feed her for 18 months until I had to stop after contracting a nasty dose of food poisoning and needing to take very very strong antibiotics.

Only read OP.

What a MUPPET!

oh for goodness sake op look at what you've done! If your big enough to post this thread in the first place, at least have the decency to reply? Maybe then you will stop so many more people being hurt!

eidsvold theres nothing else to say exept she's gorgeous!

Wrong OP! And upsetting

I really couldn't breastfeed, physically I was in a coma after the birth of my DS... Do you think Im included in your first post, should they have shoved the baby onto my norks anyway

Actually i think the Op is the one being selfish and ignorant.

she breasy fed, well done. good for you. go getyourself a sticker.

eidsvold - beautiful wee one - wow lookey at her,great result

julezboo another bloody remarkable story

aleciawalton- i hope you have read, wept, reflected and shown a wee bitty of humanity and humility. some of the post here have literally brought a lump to my throat, what a brilliant bunch of women and remarkable tales.

the only god thing from your misguided tactless rant is the other posters unanimously disagreeing

good god alecia, im so glad you were'nt one of my bf counsellors! maybe you should have put your energy into helping people on the bf section instead of creating such negativity with this post.

by the way, i hope your next baby; does'nt latch on, is sleepy and loses weight,is completely uninterested in sucking,...i hope you get very painful mastitis and your nipples get so sore that they fall off..maybe then you may see the other side of the coin and show a little compassion to other human beings? also i think you need to go to the doctors for some medication as you are very obviously quite obsessed with breastfeeding.

also I COULDNT feed my 3rd child as i had absolutely no milk. yes i know you think that this is a myth but it was so true for me, my thyroid had become so underactive in pregnancy and no health professionals had even noticed it..therefore it was a choice of give my dd formula or NOTHING. I still managed to bf my other 3 children though.
see?? its not always so simple is it? you ignorant person!!

So.. in general am waaay on the 'back off lady' side.

But..

AW seems to be reacting to quite specific circumstances: where she comes from, she says, v few consider breastfeeding even as an option, which is what's got her going.

Which doesn't mean that she should have made a general accusation based on a local observation.

Or that she should have blamed mothers, rather than society, for that fact.

And though it's probably true that many social/medical professionals have personal opinions that they squash (something we don't like to acknowledge?), on the whole, doctors etc are professionally regulated. Not true of volunteers.

go to the doctor for medication because clearly obsessed with bf
yes, I think the OP has been effectively kicked in the head until she has stopped moving by now.
but by all means continue to keep kicking her to see if any more blood will come out

by the way OBM "artifical feeding" used to be a pretty well used term, it isn't ideal but the other terms aren't always considered ideal.
e.g. not all bottles contain formula.

uh huh, granted. but still query its sensitivity, esp in the context of this thread.

interesting that you say that
fora time it was (IIRC) the more politically acceptable term, preferred to bottle fed

Onebatmother - now that I've calmed down about all this, I'm sure you're right. We can all berate the OP for her ignorance (and her bad spelling) but she's coming from a very different place to most of us (that's assuming it's not all a hoax). She just made a really bad choice about who to moan to on this one.

When you have a bad experience with breastfeeding it feels as though nobody understands just how bad it is, and as though everybody is judging you for not being able to do it "properly". So when someone like this OP comes along and quite openly judges you in the most crude terms, the urge to vent all your pent up anger and frustration is completely irresistable.

What an amazing cathartic feeding frenzy it has been.

Time for bed now.