to not beleive that a women not breast feed is selfish and using 'i couldnt' as an excuse?

[aleciawalton]

im a mum of 1 who bf till 15 months, and now pregnant with second and will bf. i also am a breast friend and took training to support mums who are bfeeding. ( learned how milk is produced, history, attachment...)

i just think that too many women use 'i couldnt bf' as an excuse. its only been in the last 50 to 60 years bottles and formula have been around. what happened back then??? did more then 50% of the babys die? no cuase back then 99% women breast fed! why could they do it then and not now???
i just feel it a cop out and the mums are just being selfish.
yes its hard, but so was labour, so raising a kid. however they choise to have the baby. i know it takes time and comittment and not having that all important wine drink. but i personaly think that its for how long??? if i can give my child the best start and yes it can take a year or 2 but is my child not worth it??
if some one said to you while prego you have a choise to either have your baby and make your child as healthy as it can be or just have the baby, what would you want? why do we give the baby vitamine K, if not to help the baby be healthy. would you not get your baby vaccinated?

sorry just makes me mad. when i hear my nipples hurt and thats cant be normal so i stopped. or babys 3 weeks old and wanted feeding all the time so it ment i didnt have enough milk so i stopped. or there's a xmas party i want to go to so im not going to bf. the exuces go one. i really love the one 'bf is not natural, its disusting'. WTF were breast made for then and why does milk come out of them???

What an idiot! Well do you know what I switched to bottle feeding after a few weeks and it was the best thing I ever did. Do not feel guilty about it all. Dd was a horrible baby and cried all day, all night (for 3 flipping months!!!), I was exhausted, tearful, had sore nipples, only getting 1/1.5 hours between feeds. My god it was hell.
Switched to formula (how selfish!) and as a result got more sleep, time to do things and do you know what? I became a happier mum and dd became a happier baby. Yes some people switch for an easier time, but I think that if it makes mum and baby happier, then it is so worth doing. Nobody should ever be made to feel guilty, being a new mum is the most emotional time in a womans life, they don't need stupid comments from people with extremely narrow minds.

Ahhh, feel better

My friend couldn't breastfeed. She had to have radiotherapy to combat her breast cancer 1 month after her baby was born (she bf for that month though then stopped). How selfish of her, having radiotherapy and robbing her poor daughter of all that lovely breastmilk.

Or maybe you think she should have refused radiotherapy, carried on breastfeeding, then robbed her daughter of a mother???

You mad bint.

Back away everybody, it is not worth it.

I really wanted to breastfeed when i was pregnant. When dd was born though i had really awful PND and it effected my bonding with dd really badly. For the first three weeks she wasn't my lovely little girl who i loved to bits, she was just 'a baby' to me. I tried to bf but the final straw was when she was sick one day and it was a mix of milk and my bright red blood from what she was swollowing from my nipple.

I have the most sensitive body in the world and even now a year on, i won't even let my dp touch my nipples because the feeling brings back the memory of bf and i am still quite traumertised by the whole experience.

You are right on one thing, people come on mn to share stories, feelings, get advice etc. But there are many, many women on here who couldn't bf and are probably feeling like crap about already without your narrow minded op to add salt to the wounds. Also, don't now try and play the feeling sorry for self mode because your ignorance has probably upset a few people on here.

I couldn't bf and i won't have you making me feel any worse than i already do about it. Ok.

i never wanted to breastfeed and i would never pretend otherwise - just for your information my life was so hard at that time that having to breastfeed twins and having cracked nipples and associated stuff would have probably meant i would have knifed my family to death before jumping out of the window.]
so thanks for you santimonious bullshit - but i reckon i saved 5 lived in my defense

top that

LOL custy
I hope you posted this on the 'have you ever saved a life' thread too.....

Well I did want to BF. But between being induced (which I am informed can interfere with the milk supply), meds for hypertension, inverted nipples and a DS who has inherited my rather pronounced nose and chin, it really wasn't working. Milk came in, a bit, on the 3rd day and we managed one moderate feed, but then it all seemed to dwindle away again. I managed to get a few drops into him most days for about a month by just about wringing out each tit over his face. So I fed him formula and he's a robust healthy 3 year old now. And once I had got over feeling miserable and guilty (and not even being able to express anything more than a drop or two) I found that actually, it did mean I could have an evening out now and again, and my mum could look after DS when I had to do things like go to court or move out of my flat. So shoot me.

Lionheart, thankyou but I am still at myself.

I'd like to ask the OP if she has ever had a breast abcess? Has she ever felt so guilty thaqt each feed her poor child is regurgistating puss filled milk?

This happened to me - dd is 18 months now and every day I feel guilty - is every tiny cough she has my fault as I didn't breast feed for long enough?? I hated every bottle of formula milk she had - she loved breast milk and would look at me as it'WTF is this shit you're giving me'

Pruni is right, we haven't had a thread like this for at least a couple of years.
the attitudes of the OP are really very rarely expressed and are clearly extremely unacceptable.
which is good.

mummymax, please don't feel guilty! You did what you could.
Stupid OP making people feel worse than they already do, grrrr.

TBH, I can understand why some people are upset by the OP. But those who went through the mill trying to bf and still feel guilty are very probably not those who AW was referring to.
Trouble is, those of us who she is irritated by, the ones who are perfectly happy with our choice to formula feed are unlikely to give a rats arse anyway

Some very helpful and very unhelpful posts on this thread.

Alecia, if you come back with an open mind and are willing take on board what tiktok, aitch, hunker et al have said then that would be great. Not sure I want to be one of those suggesting you stay though. I'm not as charitable as the others.

These threads never ever go well do they?

I have to say in the OP's defence before I obviously duck that I don't think she meant the people who really have been through the mill or even really the people that have chosen to ff. There are women on this thread that have been through some horrendous experiences and have obviously been deeply affected by them. But I can see the OP's point but I don't think it just applies to bf. How many people ff included have been shocked and horrified at hearing of babies being weaned at weeks old because they are not sleeping long enough between feeds? And the mothers that were appalled at that bringing up baby programme? These are all emotive issues and things that mothers are never going to agree on.

You know what I will put my hands up (and I ff dd and bf ds) it does annoy me when I have heard mums say they never bf because they wanted their night out at christmas or whatever or that they "couldn't" and it is because of some of the stories I have heard since I started using forums because these women are belitteling the genuine pain that some women and a lot of them are on here have been through and it is because of their excuses that mothers who have successfully managed to bf easily (of which I am ertainly not one) are so quick to jump on the mothers that can't for whatever reason.

So what is a mum chooses to ff or bf I couldn't give a rats bum TBH I have done both and I did them for my own reason the same way that everyone else does when making their decisions in parenting.

yes, Jeremy is right.

Unfortunately she posted later, after her actual OP saying
"i know woem who have with premies even 16 weeks early. ones who had cesections and didnt see baby for 24 hours, ones that had to have surgury later, ones whose nipples went black, bleed, got sores, mastitis (more then once), had no support or even had some one give baby bottle with out them knowing. i personaly had nipples went black, bleed, got sores, mastitis (more then once), had no support and cried in pain and wanted to stop and had my MIL telling me how gross i was for doing it. i know it can be very hard."
So it seems she does include those that go throught the mill as it were.

Maybe you're right VS.
Choosing not to, or choosing to stop bf and being absolutely fine with that decision is always going to be one of those things that will be judged harshly by some. So be it.
But some of the stories on this thread warrant no judgement whatsoever - so hopefully if the OP did include those women who tried desperately and couldn't overcome their issues then hopefully she will have revised her views since reading this thread.

a thread just like this has been about before and will only cause arguments regardless of wether women can or cannot breast feed it is there choice and should be no one elses business

i could not breast feed as all women in my family do not produce enough milk was sick of being told i was selfish without people even taking time to realise i couldnt and would of but even if i could my child my choice

no child is harmed from formula feeding people should concentrate on them selves and there dc and support other mums for there choices we have choices pain relief no pain relief pain relief was not about yrs ago so why do women want it now because its a choice support other mums bf does not make you superior to other mums were all doing what we feel best for our dc

enjoy your dc and raise how you feel best and leave everyone else alone as long as mum and baby are healthy what does it really matter to you

I didn't see OP's second message VS - if she was actually aware of all these things then she really is just a nutter.

(am I allowed to say that? don't report me! )

Ineedacleaner - just wanted to pick up on a point you made.

I was one of the ones who 'went through the mill' and stopped Bf-ing after 6 weeks because of various health problems (severe mastitis, abcess, very bad back problems, onset of PND etc etc). However, I don't see why women should be made to feel bad if they decide to stop BF-ing 'just' because they want more independence / freedom than BF-ing allows (like nights out, and lie-ins!)...or just because they fecking well don't want to do it! I don't mind telling you - once I started bottle feeding I was out for the night now and then and loved having my body back and that feeling of pure freedom. Not everyone instantly falls in love with motherhood, and what might seem a selfish and trivial reason for not bf-ing to one mother might be the saviour of sanity to another.

A well informed woman who chooses not to BF has done nothing wrong. You or I or whoever may not agree with her choice, and may not have chosen it ourselves, but what right has anyone to criticise or condemn?
(Not speaking to you specifically, ineedacleaner ).

As a parent and a MNer I reserve the right to criticise any other parenting choice as I see fit.

Couldn't agree more Loveangelgabriel. I wanted to stop because I found it too restrictive (after 3 months of what felt like non stop). I wanted some freedom because I thought I would lose my mind. Those 2 months when she refused a bottle were grim, became a bit of a wreck TBH. You're so right we don't all find that first bit of motherhood all snuggly and rosy, cosied up feeling at peace with the world.

For some women it's an alienating and bewildering experienec and if a bottle of formula is going to give a woman her sanity and sense of self back then I'm all for it! She may then have the mental space to think more clearly, feel more positive and have more emotional energy for her baby.

Saying that I think if it works for you Bf is great and I wholly promote women being able to do it ANYWHERE! Just not always for everyone for different reasons.

Hopefully JeremyVile, I'd like to think that after reading the stories on this thread she'll have calmed down a bit, and may even issue an apology to those who struggled, but who knows.

Me too QV!!

i have not read the whole of this thread as i'm just too pist off! i bf dd1 until 6.5 months but only gave dd2 couple of feeds in first few days. Does that make me selfish!!!!! i found it very demanding and got very down but enjoyed it at the same time. i dont get why people start threads like this