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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf telling me how to cook

122 replies

Isaidwhatisaid1 · 21/04/2021 19:00

Every time I cook us dinner it's constant comments, almost like a backseat passenger. "why don't you do it like that instead" , "what's the point of doing that?" Why are you using that" etc. It's just too much each time. Can understand if someone's trying to help but it feels undermining.
I've started to answer back and tell him that I do xyz because I want to.

Yesterday tried to tell me I snacked too much "You've already had xyz today". Fwiw I'm not overweight at all and I exercise a lot. He said he snacks too but I hate being told what to do and almost micromanaged aibu?

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 21/04/2021 19:01

I would let him do all of the cooking from now on. Easy! Maybe comment occasionally on what he is doing.

OhDearShirley · 21/04/2021 19:03

Sounds like it's time to LTB!

BonnieDundee · 21/04/2021 19:05

Get rid. Who wants to live with a micromanaging control freak?

AssassinatedBeauty · 21/04/2021 19:05

Agree a rule that whoever is cooking is head chef and is not to be questioned. He can help and be directed as a sous chef, but not interfere. Same when he cooks.

As for commenting on what you're eating, he's not your parent so he has no business making any remarks. If he does it again I'd tell him exactly that.

Is he critical in other areas as well?

wusbanker · 21/04/2021 19:06

I dumped someone for this recently. He did it with everything - cooking, driving, what I wore. I've felt nothing but relief since ending it.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/04/2021 19:07

Throw him out of the kitchen when you're cooking. Explain it is for his own safety, until he can learn not to be a gobshite.

Biffbaff · 21/04/2021 19:07

My husband did this. He had methods and ways of doing things, I am more chaotic and carefree in the kitchen. I told him he liked the end result so didn't need to comment on how I did it and banned him from the kitchen.

I would not accept comments on how much I snack! Is he jealous of your snacks?

User0ne · 21/04/2021 19:08

If you haven't told him already you should. If you have and you really really like him you should do it to him and when he gets pissed off/upset tell him why.

Tbh though I'd probably just ditch him. I've been married to DH for 7years and there's no way I could live with that kind of crap.

Biffbaff · 21/04/2021 19:08

Note: I banned him while I cooked. He still cooks, he does most of it actually!

FawnDrench · 21/04/2021 19:11

Time to kick him into touch.
This is a great big fat red flag.

EL8888 · 21/04/2021 19:11

@AssassinatedBeauty that’s how we run in. Fiancé tried giving me “advice” about cooking a while ago and l told him to button it. I was cooking and to be fair lm more experienced as well

EscapeDragon · 21/04/2021 19:15

Do you live together? If so, he is now on permanent catering duty - including all the food shopping.

If not, then never ask him round for a meal again.

Shoxfordian · 21/04/2021 19:18

Dump him
Life’s too short for this shit

alphajuliet123 · 21/04/2021 19:21

@Biffbaff

Note: I banned him while I cooked. He still cooks, he does most of it actually!
Same here! He loves cooking and apparently finds it relaxing after a busy day. Since lockdown he has worked from home (in the kitchen) so has even more time to make delicious meals. Yesterday, I cooked for the first time in a YEAR. It’s bloody marvellous.

OP - turn it to your advantage and have a free personal chef for the rest of your life Smile

Aquamarine1029 · 21/04/2021 19:23

He is showing you who he is, believe him. Dump the prick.

FannytheW0nderDog · 21/04/2021 19:25

I was married to one of these characters. He always knew best and his way was the only way. 16 years later he left me for another woman. What a relief ... he's her problem now. You will either have to put up with him or you will leave him as I'm afraid that Mr Know-it-all won't change.

Pedalpushers · 21/04/2021 19:25

People can stop doing this, my DH did it at the start and after being told off he stopped and now it's a joke between us. The comments on what you eat are a bit concerning, I would only ever allow that crap if I was on a diet and specifically asked him to keep me accountable.

Sparky888 · 21/04/2021 19:28

@Isaidwhatisaid1

Every time I cook us dinner it's constant comments, almost like a backseat passenger. "why don't you do it like that instead" , "what's the point of doing that?" Why are you using that" etc. It's just too much each time. Can understand if someone's trying to help but it feels undermining. I've started to answer back and tell him that I do xyz because I want to.

Yesterday tried to tell me I snacked too much "You've already had xyz today". Fwiw I'm not overweight at all and I exercise a lot. He said he snacks too but I hate being told what to do and almost micromanaged aibu?

I’ve met two men like this, they were both controlling and it escalated into other areas of life. Red flag. Get out. They do not change.
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 21/04/2021 19:44

I can't really add to this - but I'm going to anyway...

  1. He does all the cooking, plus anything else he thinks he knows how to do better.
  2. You know what you should really do...
  3. There is no third option.
TaraR2020 · 21/04/2021 19:56

Ah, a spoony f**ker!

I had one of these, he got short shrift whenever he got like this but it still drove me up the wall.

And anyone who comments on you having an extra snack deserves a fast slap down, preferably one dripping with sarcasm. I have family like this, but I tolerate them much better than I've tolerated the odd colleague who thought it appropriate to comment on my snack choice when I hadn't had time for lunch Hmm

Tell him, in no uncertain terms, to quit while he's ahead. He might 'think' he's being helpful, but actually he's being a pr*ck and it's ok to tell him so.

Original poster
Isaidwhatisaid1 · 21/04/2021 21:14

Thanks for the replies.
Also constant jokes about how I'm an airhead, daft, everyday reminders of 'dumb' stuff I did, not sure if I'm just being too sensitive or not.

OP posts:
BerniesMittens · 21/04/2021 21:16

You're not being too sensitive. He's telling you who he is, believe him. Count the red flags.

You deserve better.

happytoday73 · 21/04/2021 21:18

Having read your update he is trying to put you down... You are not sensitive... You deserve someone who builds you up... Don't accept it...

My DH has suddenly started helping in the kitchen by turning hob down or up or same with cooker..... It really annoys me... I've told him I won't be held responsible for throwing hot food at him if he continues!

Twirl96 · 21/04/2021 21:20

Let him cook for himself for now on he sounds like a right pain in the arse! Definitely agree he should be building you up and comments like that are definitely not needed. Perhaps treat him the way he treats you?

Original poster
Isaidwhatisaid1 · 21/04/2021 21:27

Not sure why he feels the need to try and put me down, maybe insecure?

OP posts: