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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bf telling me how to cook

122 replies

Isaidwhatisaid1 · 21/04/2021 19:00

Every time I cook us dinner it's constant comments, almost like a backseat passenger. "why don't you do it like that instead" , "what's the point of doing that?" Why are you using that" etc. It's just too much each time. Can understand if someone's trying to help but it feels undermining.
I've started to answer back and tell him that I do xyz because I want to.

Yesterday tried to tell me I snacked too much "You've already had xyz today". Fwiw I'm not overweight at all and I exercise a lot. He said he snacks too but I hate being told what to do and almost micromanaged aibu?

OP posts:

RainbowMum11 · 22/04/2021 19:51

My XH was like this.
Note the X

DaphneDuBois · 22/04/2021 22:24

He needs putting in his fucking place. Don’t accept this nasty belittling crap. He’s doing it because he gets away with it. Don’t tolerate this a single day longer. I’ve been here myself.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 22/04/2021 22:31

What billy and MrsTerry said. EVERY single day there is at least one thread on here from a woman who is dating an abusive cunt.

This man is an abusive cunt. What he's doing is ABUSIVE.

There's only one fix for being with abusive fuckwit: you leave them.

The very first time he made a comment like that to me would be the last, no chances or self-doubt or analysing it, because I know from experience that someone who does even once is an abusive cockwomble who needs dumped immediately, no more further dates to get attached to the wanker.

starfishmummy · 23/04/2021 01:41

We like different things - his pasta sauce is not a patch on mine, and he probably thinks the same! We just never cook together. We're tripping over each other and then I'll find he's fiddled with something and stuck an extra ingredient in that I don't want.

Pantsomime · 23/04/2021 01:56

2 - things red flag control freak. If you decide to stay tell him as he doesn’t like your cooking, he can do all of it for you both.

Divineswirls · 23/04/2021 02:16

He's a pig and you deserve better.

stackemhigh · 23/04/2021 05:06

You're not going to leave him, are you?

newstart1234 · 23/04/2021 05:29

I had a bf like this once. I was pleased when it ended. He was a pain in the arse to be near.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 23/04/2021 05:56

Omg life is too short for this shit. Your updates are full of red flags. So collect any stuff you have at his house. Make sure he gets his stuff from yours. Then end it. You dont need to give a reason other than this is no longer working for me.

peanutbutterandfluff · 23/04/2021 05:58

Please leave him. Had a boyfriend like this and stayed for 7 years. Life was so much better once I got out. There are many men who aren’t like this!

RowanAlong · 23/04/2021 06:29

Go back and read at all your posts on this thread, OP, add them together...it doesn’t sound like you are in a respectful, loving relationship. He puts you down and undermines your confidence. Find the confidence to get rid!

JollyHolly30 · 23/04/2021 06:36

This is abusive, controlling behaviour and will only get worse.

cameocat · 23/04/2021 06:42

Please dump him OP. You deserve better.

Mulberry974 · 23/04/2021 06:56

Please dump him. My XH was naturally bossy but never spoke to me like that.

Confrontayshunme · 23/04/2021 07:18

My DH is a scientist with an obsession about technical cooking gadgets. He used to try to tell me how I could cook and stir pasta more efficiently. F-ing PASTA! I cook every week night and have done for 10 years while feeding two children healthy nutritious meals. A couple of years ago, I had enough and told him that each time he gave me "advice" about the food, I would divorce him. I explained that if someone came into his workplace to assess how perfectly and efficiently he was doing his job when it wasn't a job they did every day, he would feel shit and want to quit, he seemed to get it. He thought he was being helpful and when I said "You are making me feel like a terrible cook when all of our friends compliment my cooking. That isn't fair." He somehow got it through his thick skull and stopped after that.

rainbowstardrops · 23/04/2021 07:22

He sounds like an utter prick and I wouldn't be able to tolerate him that's for sure!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/04/2021 07:24

Get rid. You don’t need anyone like that in your life. You’re telling him how you feel and he dismisses it and tells you you’re wrong. Fuck that. Dump him

DianaT1969 · 23/04/2021 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Footle · 23/04/2021 07:57

@DianaT1969 , what a bizarre post. OP doesn't have to show you anything.

Dogfan · 23/04/2021 08:18

This is a massive red flag for me. My abusive and controlling ex did both if these things and before long was controlling what I ate and drank, putting me down constantly and freaking out if I did anything he didn't like. I would be very clear about your boundaries and if it happens again, walk.

I0NA · 23/04/2021 08:35

@DianaT1969 - what an inappropriate and nasty post!

Women stay in abusive relationships for a lot of complex reasons, such as being in love , wanting to make their marriage work, being financially trapped or thinking it’s best for the children.

That doesn’t make them an airhead or less intelligent.

Many of us posting here have also stayed in a bad relationship longer than we should . When you insult the OP for her decisions, you insult all of us.

JillWoodhead · 23/04/2021 22:25

Sounds like gaslighting to me. Get rid whilst it's still relatively easy.

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