Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf telling me how to cook

122 replies

Isaidwhatisaid1 · 21/04/2021 19:00

Every time I cook us dinner it's constant comments, almost like a backseat passenger. "why don't you do it like that instead" , "what's the point of doing that?" Why are you using that" etc. It's just too much each time. Can understand if someone's trying to help but it feels undermining.
I've started to answer back and tell him that I do xyz because I want to.

Yesterday tried to tell me I snacked too much "You've already had xyz today". Fwiw I'm not overweight at all and I exercise a lot. He said he snacks too but I hate being told what to do and almost micromanaged aibu?

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 21/04/2021 21:29

Oh don't look for excuses for him. He's not your fixer upper. He's a twat and there is no reason on earth for you to accept his treatment of you.

Onairjunkie · 21/04/2021 21:43

You described you replying to his constant fucking comments and nasty jibes as answering back.

He’s not your dad. You aren’t answering back, you’re defending yourself against a nasty controlling fucker.

AssassinatedBeauty · 21/04/2021 21:50

Ok, so that's really unpleasant behaviour. It's not ok for him to constantly say negative things about you, it will chip away at your self esteem. You don't need to try to figure out why he's saying these things - he's an adult, he knows what he's doing. I bet he doesn't call his work colleagues or his boss "dumb", "daft", "airhead" or whatever.

You could give him one chance to stop this behaviour, if he continues or slips back into it then relationship over. That would be one more chance than I'd give him.

Doomsdayiscoming · 21/04/2021 21:52

@Isaidwhatisaid1

Not sure why he feels the need to try and put me down, maybe insecure?
He’s just an awful person.

I think highlight how you feel, and if he genuinely doesn’t realise that’s how he was making you feel, then give him an opportunity to change. If he doesn’t change (sadly, likely) then leave him.

Hawkins001 · 21/04/2021 21:57

I can appreciate if it was helping but that would also frustrate me too

FOJN · 21/04/2021 22:03

Not sure why he feels the need to try and put me down, maybe insecure?

Possibly but it's a control tactic. If he steals your confidence and self esteem he'll have you believing he's a catch and you won't feel you could do better and leave him which would actually be the right thing to do before it gets to that point.

PurBal · 21/04/2021 22:05

This is why DH isn't allowed in the kitchen when I cook (and vice versa)

NiceGerbil · 21/04/2021 22:07

Kids? Live together? How long together?

He sounds like a nightmare tbh if no kids etc then just dump him he's making you feel crappy and confused and that's not what a partner is for.

awesomekillick · 21/04/2021 22:07

Sorry OP but these are arsehole behaviours so I hope he has many many redeeming qualities

Itwasjustresting · 21/04/2021 22:09

Dump the spoonyfucker!

Queenie6655 · 21/04/2021 22:10

Yes that's a huge warning sign
One ex started this way
He went on to insist I lost weight and became a size 8
Insist I wear dresses and high heels
Could go on and on
Luckily I ran for the hills

Do not put up with shit treatment
Ever

BurbageBrook · 21/04/2021 22:10

So many red flags here OP.

FruHagen · 21/04/2021 22:17

No kids, no mortgage? Time to move on. Life is really too short for this kind of crap and no you're not being too sensitive.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 21/04/2021 22:27

Why does he stand around you while you’re cooking? It’s so weird, tell him to leave the room.

NiceGerbil · 21/04/2021 23:06

I have always cooked with my fellas and chatted/ glass of wine while me or he was cooking. I don't that that's odd.

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 21/04/2021 23:13

Red flag 🚩🚩🚩

VestaTilley · 21/04/2021 23:14

Tell him he can do all the cooking himself from now on.

Xmassprout · 21/04/2021 23:15

Totally agree with the others saying this is a massive red flag.

You're not supposed to put your partner down, you're not supposed to control every move they make. This often escalates.

Littlesteps45 · 21/04/2021 23:21

I’ve been there with my ex. I wish someone had pointed me to the warning signs. These are massive red flags. This is the behaviour of a controlling man. This will only get worse. Sorry.

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 22/04/2021 00:45

Tell him to do one, cook his own food or go without.

Maria53 · 22/04/2021 00:47

I had a boyfriend that did this. Notice the past tense Grin

MixedUpFiles · 22/04/2021 00:49

I hardly ever cook for my DH any more and this is one of the reasons. He comments on every step I make in the kitchen. He also likes to watch me cook . Wonderful man in so many other ways, but if I kept feeding him regularly we would be divorced or he would be dead. I’m not exaggerating.

IHateWinter88 · 22/04/2021 02:17

Be careful. He's purposefully putting you down and this will in time chip away at your self esteem. Leave the bustard. He's an arsehole. Why would you stay with someone who isn't very nice to you???

JustLyra · 22/04/2021 02:32

@Isaidwhatisaid1

Thanks for the replies. Also constant jokes about how I'm an airhead, daft, everyday reminders of 'dumb' stuff I did, not sure if I'm just being too sensitive or not.
Definitely not too sensitive.

I was about to post how I dealt with my DH being a spoony fucker by handing him the spoon and walking out every time until he stopped, but your bf isn’t a spoony fucker. He’s a knob.

Belittling your partner is never on. You’d be is waving big red flags at you, please pay attention to them

Susannahmoody · 22/04/2021 02:36

Oh my god, get rid. The kitchen comments are bad, but the airhead thing?

RUN âž¡