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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf telling me how to cook

122 replies

Isaidwhatisaid1 · 21/04/2021 19:00

Every time I cook us dinner it's constant comments, almost like a backseat passenger. "why don't you do it like that instead" , "what's the point of doing that?" Why are you using that" etc. It's just too much each time. Can understand if someone's trying to help but it feels undermining.
I've started to answer back and tell him that I do xyz because I want to.

Yesterday tried to tell me I snacked too much "You've already had xyz today". Fwiw I'm not overweight at all and I exercise a lot. He said he snacks too but I hate being told what to do and almost micromanaged aibu?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2021 02:56

constant jokes about how I'm an airhead, daft, everyday reminders of 'dumb' stuff I did

I cannot emphasise this enough, it doesn't matter why he does it. You're not the Wanker Whisperer. He's a twat and critical and mean. Dump him.

ElfridaEtAl · 22/04/2021 02:57

My ex BF started with comments about daft things I’d done, then it was stupid, then it was being called a thick cunt almost daily.
Same for commenting on my eating habit & size turned into being called a fat cunt.

You don’t think it will escalate but it probably will.

Please do not stay in this relationship. Honestly I could have written this post 10 years ago 😞

SaturdayRocks · 22/04/2021 03:00

I don’t understand.

Why do you freely spend time with, let alone call someone who says and does these sorts of things, your ‘boyfriend’?

A boyfriend is supposed to be someone you love and like. They’re supposed to love and like you. It’s kind of fundamental to the whole deal.

Why are you with this person? Confused

timeisnotaline · 22/04/2021 03:26

Constant put downs as well? Relationships are optional, you can let him go to find someone he doesn’t think is an airhead.

Ilovetea33 · 22/04/2021 04:15

Why are you with him? What joy does he bring to your life?

Newestname001 · 22/04/2021 06:30

@Isaidwhatisaid1

Thanks for the replies. Also constant jokes about how I'm an airhead, daft, everyday reminders of 'dumb' stuff I did, not sure if I'm just being too sensitive or not.

OP, with this on top of your original post I can't see why you'd want to stay in such an unequal relationship with someone who is so negative. He actively chooses to behave this way to you!

There could be years if this - imagine this with children in the mix too...

Are you sure you really want to maintain a relationship with someone like this?🌹

Nordicwannabe · 22/04/2021 06:52

@MrsTerryPratchett

constant jokes about how I'm an airhead, daft, everyday reminders of 'dumb' stuff I did

I cannot emphasise this enough, it doesn't matter why he does it. You're not the Wanker Whisperer. He's a twat and critical and mean. Dump him.

Please listen to this. Get away from him.
Foghead · 22/04/2021 06:58

@Isaidwhatisaid1

Not sure why he feels the need to try and put me down, maybe insecure?
You don’t need to know why. You can’t fix him. Just know that you deserve better and stop putting up with this.
UseOfWeapons · 22/04/2021 07:21

Run for the hills, OP!
From what you’ve said about his behaviour, he sounds controlling, and not at all invested in a loving equal relationship. As others have said, dirty great big red flags 🚩!
Please give some thought to whether this is how you want your precious life to be....I’m sorry to say, it’ll very likely get worse.
Good luck!

CuriousSeal · 22/04/2021 07:39

My DH mainly cooks since I had DS 5 months ago. Since then he viewed the kitchen as his domain and has to go straight into the kitchen after dinner to clear up and re-claim the space. This is despite the fact that I insist it is his day off from cooking and that I'll sort it after bathing DS . I can see him watching me and I know he wants to give his two cents when I cook, but he knows better 😂. He has also commented on my snacking and sometimes I want to tell him to back off, but equally I have got 8 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-baby weight. It sounds like your DP has some control issues, but they aren't the type that definitely signal a red flag in my opinion. DH has never stopped me meeting male friends etc. Are you happy though? Are you willing to out your foot down and tell him to back off?

CuriousSeal · 22/04/2021 07:41

It could also be fun to mirror his behaviour one time to see how he responds 😂

Stepawayfromdrgoogle · 22/04/2021 07:44

@Isaidwhatisaid1

Thanks for the replies. Also constant jokes about how I'm an airhead, daft, everyday reminders of 'dumb' stuff I did, not sure if I'm just being too sensitive or not.
@Isaidwhatisaid1 definitely not too sensitive.
picklemewalnuts · 22/04/2021 07:45

I was open minded after your first post, 'maybe he is literally asking because he doesn't know, and wants to learn how'. Your update changes everything. He's awful. Get rid.

Bumblebee1980a · 22/04/2021 07:48

Red flag 🚩

My ex did this - abusive piece of s*

Always telling me how to do things this way or that. Basically telling me what I was doing was wrong.

It will impact your confidence as it won't stop there.

Sit down and have a chat but be aware he might tell you it's all in your mind and that he's 'trying to help' - I don't think so love.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 22/04/2021 07:58

A relationship is supposed to make you feel happier and more confident not judged and belittled.
More red flags that a Communist Party rally.

Split before he grinds your self esteem down.

SallyCinnamon3009 · 22/04/2021 08:00

Boyfriend used to do this to me when I cooked. I. I longer cook and he is responsible for all cooking and food shopping!

Aprilshowersandhail · 22/04/2021 08:01

You need to start making jokes about his penis... Smile and say it's a joke...
He is grooming you to accept being in an abusive relationship..

pineapples56 · 22/04/2021 08:07

Oh god how stifiling! If he's like this with food, imagine other stuff.

Ducksarenotmyfriends · 22/04/2021 08:08

Put him in the bin.

Original poster
Isaidwhatisaid1 · 22/04/2021 08:24

Indeed I have asked him about it this morning and he said he's just "trying to help".
I then asked why he feels the need to make out that I'm dumb and so on and he said I'm not dumb I just "have my moments".
I admit I can do some daft things sometimes like recently i got in the wrong taxi meant for someone else.
But he laughed when I said he was 'critical' of me, apparently critical is the wrong word according to him, except it isn't, it's the correct one.
Another thing he will do is that we'll be talking about a topic, I'll give my opinion and he'll say "I have NO idea what you're talking about."
He clearly does, it just makes me feel rubbish.
Or for instance I'll say something like I think lockdown should be eased sooner (for instanced) and he'll just say "ok" and maybe laugh then say "What do you want me to do about it?"

OP posts:
Original poster
Isaidwhatisaid1 · 22/04/2021 08:26

He moaned yesterday that I opened a packet of cheese the wrong way and said I'm 'grabby' , does it really matter about the packet?

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 22/04/2021 08:28

This doesn’t sound good at all. I made it clear years ago that I would not tolerate comments on my driving from someone who had twice run into another car.
Tell him clearly that he is trying to put you down, it stops now or it’s over.

I0NA · 22/04/2021 08:29

@SaturdayRocks

I don’t understand.

Why do you freely spend time with, let alone call someone who says and does these sorts of things, your ‘boyfriend’?

A boyfriend is supposed to be someone you love and like. They’re supposed to love and like you. It’s kind of fundamental to the whole deal.

Why are you with this person? Confused

This.
Shoxfordian · 22/04/2021 08:29

Why are you still with him? What happiness does he bring to your life that counteracts all this shit?

Maray1967 · 22/04/2021 08:29

Oh yes, I get those comments occasionally as well - I say something like are you really telling me how to open a packet of cheese? Really?

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