To stop making my kids dinner?

[CarbsAreNotMyFriend]

Hear me out. I probably won't let them starve.

But it is soul-destroying making dinner every night for them to then moan and whinge, complain about any sign of a vegetable, look at the plate like it is diseased, and ultimately most of it ends up in the bin. I feel it would be easier to cut out the middle man and scrape their dinner straight into the bin.

I don't serve them anything controversial. Just things like bolognese, lasagne, chicken & rice, pasta etc. But you'd think I was serving them chopped liver.

WIBU to just give in, serve them anything in breadcrumbs or in a bun, and give them a multi-vitamin for desert? 😁

The OP's children sound perfectly normal. I was a very polite child and would dutifully force down food at friends' houses with no fuss even if I didn't like it. I remember aged about 10 drinking half a cup of undiluted squash without making a fuss because the person we were visiting hadn't realised that you added water. Luckily my mother was there and eventually worked out what was happening before I had to finish it . But I still wasn't above having a moan at my mum if dinner wasn't something I liked. Didn't get me very far though!

My eldest son has asd and it's literally the same four or five meals. Pasta with butter and cheese. Mashed potato. Cheese and olive pizza, ham sandwich no butter, no crusts. He only likes olives, cucumber, apple, grapes and strawberries. We took him to a dietician because we were worried and she said to keep trying new foods, even if they're not healthy. So he likes only one flavour of sugary ice lolly, try the same brand but another flavour. He has multivitamins thank god but he doesn't even like nuggets, beans, chips or sausages anymore. Doesn't like crisps, but will eat half a cucumber in one go. Ooh just remembered he likes plain breadsticks or sometimes a buttered cream cracker with cheese (or 4) just pick your battles and get them meal planning for you

@UhtredRagnarson

Front the OP’s children On the basis of the Op, safe assumption that would be their response

Ahh so never from your children? Sure. But you’ve decided OPs children will tantrum. I wonder why you’ve assumed children might respond like that...

So you don’t think a child whinging complaining and being rude should be disciplined?

So you don’t think a child whinging complaining and being rude should be disciplined?

Where on earth are you getting that from? Couldn’t you just answer the question? Instead of making up things no one has said.

I was a crap eater when I was young aswell. I think I lived on scrambled eggs and ready brek! Mum's meals are lovely and were always a variation of meat and two veg type meals which I love now, but I'm sorry, I still will not eat stuffed marrow

@UhtredRagnarson

So you don’t think a child whinging complaining and being rude should be disciplined?

Where on earth are you getting that from? Couldn’t you just answer the question? Instead of making up things no one has said.

So my post

Was saying don’t force feed!
But discipline the rudeness
Address the rudeness as a priority

I just don’t get your issue with my post.

Your very smug post asserted that your perfect children would never misbehave. And then you went on to assume that of course OPs children would tantrum when she parented them. Despite her stating that there were no discipline issues.

I ask mine to choose a meal each week which definitely helps.

There is nothing wrong with beans/eggs/whatever on toast regularly. Same goes for a jacket potato, fish fingers etc.

Hidden vegetable sauces or soups do go down well here. If it's blended completely smooth they tend to eat it.

My biggest gripe is one doesn't like pasta, the other won't eat potato. I refuse to cook separate meals so I make them agree on something (which often ends up being tomato soup from a tin).

No discipline issues”
Confused
As OP would indicate in many parent’s eyes that there is a discipline issue.

A 4 and 7 year old whinging, complaining, making faces - day in and day out at meal times.

A lot of dictators on this thread, "my kid eat what I give them when I give them it or starve" "it's rude to say they don't like my food". Right so if your partner treated you that way that's ok is it? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Kids are still human beings with their own thoughts and feelings. Why should they eat if they aren't hungry because we tell them too? Or eat something they don't like because we like it? They need a balanced diet for sure but is it really the end of the world to give your kids a picnicy type tea if they don't enjoy hot meals? Or to let them eat their food a bit later if they aren't hungry when you are?

@Lassy1945

No discipline issues” Confused As OP would indicate in many parent’s eyes that there is a discipline issue.

A 4 and 7 year old whinging, complaining, making faces - day in and day out at meal times.

Correct. No discipline issues.

We agree to disagree

Rude faces and whinging every time I serve up dinner. Every day, every meal.

I’d ask them to excuse themselves from the table and get ready for bed unless they could thank me and stop whinging.

Dinner times should be pleasant but by the sound of it - the OP is dreading them because of the children’s behaviour

How on earth can you know what you would do? Your children never misbehave.

Honestly, I grew up on a diet of things I enjoyed, and it didn't do me any harm. Maybe trying to introduce things alongside what they DO like. So long as they eat and get something healthy in them (even if you make them a fruit smoothie for dessert) it's fine.

I was quite fussy as a child, now eat pretty much anything. DD15 is a good eater, and in the last year has started branching out even further, but there's still stuff she just doesn't like and won't eat. DS13 has ASD and doesn't eat veg (although is happy to have them blitzed up for sauces and soups). Ironically, they seem to be at a stage where what one likes, the other doesn't. There's some meals we just tend to avoid, others where they just have to select the bits that they'll eat. It does mean going vegetarian would be virtually impossible (fine by me, but think DD would like to go veggie).

When DS13 was younger, I got so frustrated that if he rejected the meal, he got a cheese sandwich. He was delighted lol!! I now just have let it be. At some point either he'll just continue as he is, or he'll be persuaded/too embarrassed by friends/girlfriends, and will try something new.

I have two teens (and dh) at home, 18 and 17. The eldest is a 'fussy eater' (actually I think it's fairer in her case to say she has 'issues' with food, I think she may be ASD and we are looking for an adult referral)

For years we have rotated the same six meals; roast dinner, bolognese, chicken korma, chicken pie, chicken stuffed with ricotta and wrapped in Parma ham and veggie pasties. It got stultifying boring and tbh was dictated by dd based on what she was prepared to eat. The resentment grew...

Have recently broken free and I cook what the hell I like now, and if she doesn't want it I tell her to make something else. Finally we get varied and interesting food!

Not sure how helpful this is to you op - probably not very! But it occurred to me that I should have taken this approach earlier, perhaps form age 13/14. You've got some way to go with your littlies however

I’m very lucky in that I have three good eaters - but one much less so than the others.

He went through a phase of liking absolutely nothing apart from beige - fish finger sandwiches being a particular favourite.

My rule was that I’d serve the meal to all (nothing generally fancy, spag bol, chilli, stew, sometimes fajitas or tacos) and while he didn’t have to eat it all, he’d have to at least try the vegetables. One full forkful, no complaining - I mean I can deal with ‘oh no I really don’t like that’ but ‘ewwwww that’s disgusting!’ is just hurtful (and a red rag to a bull!) when said to the person who lovingly created a meal for you. If you’re serving carrots at every meal then they get carrots at every meal - you don’t have to vary it or anything.

This worked for me really well, he’s still (like me tbh) never going to be a veg or salad lover like his brothers, but he found a love for sprouts and coleslaw that he probably wouldn’t have naturally, as he’ll voluntarily now try stuff he hasn’t had before (he’s 12).

I think part of the reason it worked for us is that it was the fear he was going to be forced to eat something he really didn’t like, so once you take away that fear it becomes like baby weaning - having withdraws taste and texture

It also helps to have a dustbin of a husband who’ll eat bloody anything so if you buy some cherry tomatoes and no one but him will eat them at least they’re not wasted!

(Apologies I’ve probably cross posted with loads saying the same thing, I started this post ages ago!)

I'd get them involved at the start,by selecting the shopping ,haven chosen meals beforehand,then letting them help make homemade pizzas with vegetables on,homemade discounters with fish fillets,burgers with low fat chicken mince,.
It does work and they can't wait to taste their hard work.🍇🍈🍉🍊🍋🍌🍍🍎🍏🍐🍑🍒🍓🍅🧀🍝🍜🍕

Ha,fish fingers : discounters??

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

OP, I really wouldn't sweat this. I was getting upset a few weeks back at my 3yo turning their nose up at a pasta dish I had made and then I remembered that, when I was that age (and until I was much older tbh), I didn't like many fruits and vegetables and treated dishes with a sauce that wasn't ketchup with deep suspicion. I was also very wary of unfamiliar foods. As an adult, I can only think of one food I still don't eat and that's bananas (though I'll have them baked and cooked in recipes).

Children have twice as many taste buds as adults and so flavours are twice as intense for them. It's worth remembering that when they're trying unfamiliar flavours... it may just be too intense for them.

In your shoes, I would do three things:

1. focus on making sure you serve a healthy selection of foods your DC will eat. My DC is not good at trying things like stews and curries, but they will eat a lot of things including salmon, chicken, fish fingers, chilli, broccoli, peas, carrots, sweetcorn, potatoes, sweet potatoes, kidney beans, pasta, rice, noodles, cheese, peanut butter, baked beans and almost all fruit. This is enough to get him through until he becomes less fussy/ age 18, whichever is earliest .

2. make sure different meals are on offer as they may surprise you by trying it. Instead of serving them individually, I'd put everything in bowls in the centre of the table and ask them what they'd like. They may end up with plain pasta or rice and vegetables and nothing else for a bit, but they'll soon get bored of it.

3. Cut your losses by serving picnic meals a few nights a week. My DC will eat carrot sticks, cheese, chicken bits, cucumber etc. without much fuss and that's fine a couple of times a week.

Thanks so much for the advice, I'm so glad it's not just my kids 😁

@EileenGC

Why is rice and vegetables seen as boring on this thread? That’s a healthy, complete meal if you add some protein on the side. A ‘picnic’ type of dinner is still a dinner - bread, some veg and eggs or hummus, pudding - it’s nutritious and filling. Dinner doesn’t have to be cooked in a big pot and served hot, it needs to be any food that will be served at dinner time and eaten. It’s a bit like going back to infancy and saying fed is best. Doesn’t matter how cooked or not the foods are.

Spot on! Fed is best. I think I have been brainwashed to think if I don't make a hot 3-square-meals type affair for dinner then I'm failing as a parent!

@Mammabearto3

It can be so hard Some day's

When my DS was doing this I did "fake away" for example I made veggie nuggets instead of chicken nuggets and I placed the veggie nuggets in a happy meal box with home made chip's. Anything I could "fake away" I did. making our own meals and placing in a takeaway container made a huge difference.

Also changing colours of things he
Wouldn't eat mashed potatoes so I turned blue or green worked for him.
Coloured pasta as well
Rainbow cheese toast
Alot of dessert you can hide veggies in.

"Not veggie Dip" I just use to mash alot of veggies together and we would put them with corn chip's and crackers

Some day's it was hard but good luck

Thanks so much for understanding and for your advice 😁

@Mallysmomma

When my kids were little we had “freezer Fridays” where they could have anything they wanted from the freezer (nuggets, sausages, fish fingers etc) on a Friday if they ate well mon- thurs it took the emotion out of mealtimes. I also wouldn’t force them to eat but if they ate enough protein and veggies they could have a yogurt after dinner if they didn’t eat there was nothing else until breakfast. After a couple of rumbling tummies at bedtime they soon made sure they ate enough at dinner time lol x

We have Friday night burgers. Kids love it (as do we!). We'll have corn on the cob on the side to remove my guilt 😬 And on a Saturday I'll often do my homemade pizza which is actually super easy - I batch cook & freeze the sauce which contains 4 veg so I'm winning but they don't even realise!

@MackenCheese

Ds has asd and it has taken me 13 years to just relax and let him have fish fingers, nuggets, chips every day. He won't eat mash or rice or pasta. Me and dd eat a good variety, and that's fine. The days of battles at the table are over! Good luck, OP.

Good for you! Give yourself a break, that's a long time to be having battles. Thanks so much