To stop making my kids dinner?

[CarbsAreNotMyFriend]

Hear me out. I probably won't let them starve.

But it is soul-destroying making dinner every night for them to then moan and whinge, complain about any sign of a vegetable, look at the plate like it is diseased, and ultimately most of it ends up in the bin. I feel it would be easier to cut out the middle man and scrape their dinner straight into the bin.

I don't serve them anything controversial. Just things like bolognese, lasagne, chicken & rice, pasta etc. But you'd think I was serving them chopped liver.

WIBU to just give in, serve them anything in breadcrumbs or in a bun, and give them a multi-vitamin for desert? 😁

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

The OP's children sound perfectly normal. I was a very polite child and would dutifully force down food at friends' houses with no fuss even if I didn't like it. I remember aged about 10 drinking half a cup of undiluted squash without making a fuss because the person we were visiting hadn't realised that you added water. Luckily my mother was there and eventually worked out what was happening before I had to finish it . But I still wasn't above having a moan at my mum if dinner wasn't something I liked. Didn't get me very far though!

Thank you! Starting to doubt myself based on some of the responses 😂

@MinnieJackson

My eldest son has asd and it's literally the same four or five meals. Pasta with butter and cheese. Mashed potato. Cheese and olive pizza, ham sandwich no butter, no crusts. He only likes olives, cucumber, apple, grapes and strawberries. We took him to a dietician because we were worried and she said to keep trying new foods, even if they're not healthy. So he likes only one flavour of sugary ice lolly, try the same brand but another flavour. He has multivitamins thank god but he doesn't even like nuggets, beans, chips or sausages anymore. Doesn't like crisps, but will eat half a cucumber in one go. Ooh just remembered he likes plain breadsticks or sometimes a buttered cream cracker with cheese (or 4) just pick your battles and get them meal planning for you

You've nailed it! Well done, it's bloody hard x

@MinnieJackson

I was a crap eater when I was young aswell. I think I lived on scrambled eggs and ready brek! Mum's meals are lovely and were always a variation of meat and two veg type meals which I love now, but I'm sorry, I still will not eat stuffed marrow

I'm with you on the stuffed marrow!

@TankGirl97

I ask mine to choose a meal each week which definitely helps.

There is nothing wrong with beans/eggs/whatever on toast regularly. Same goes for a jacket potato, fish fingers etc.

Hidden vegetable sauces or soups do go down well here. If it's blended completely smooth they tend to eat it.

My biggest gripe is one doesn't like pasta, the other won't eat potato. I refuse to cook separate meals so I make them agree on something (which often ends up being tomato soup from a tin).

Yeah that's annoying when one eats something but not the other. My youngest scoffs carrots (raw or cooked), cucumber, cherry tomatoes, and pretty much all veg. My eldest ensures carrots and sweetcorn, all other veg has to be puréed into a sauce. It's painful!

I think I have been brainwashed to think if I don't make a hot 3-square-meals type affair for dinner then I'm failing as a parent!

It's worth remembering that many of us were fed a fairly atrocious diet as kids and still survived . School meals when I was a child were potato smileys, turkey twizzlers, smash, spaghetti hoops, arctic roll, tinned fruit, jam sponge and custard. Home food wasn't so bad - my parents were very much meat and two veg people! - but there was still a fair amount of freezer pizza and party rings and monster munch as a treat. We used to get dairylea lunchables for trips out. I remember receiving a giant chocolate bunny rabbit for Easter as a four year old and being allowed to eat so much of it that I made myself sick.

I'm a fairly unfussy adult but it has nothing to do with my childhood diet.

@Exhausted4ever

A lot of dictators on this thread, "my kid eat what I give them when I give them it or starve" "it's rude to say they don't like my food". Right so if your partner treated you that way that's ok is it? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Kids are still human beings with their own thoughts and feelings. Why should they eat if they aren't hungry because we tell them too? Or eat something they don't like because we like it? They need a balanced diet for sure but is it really the end of the world to give your kids a picnicy type tea if they don't enjoy hot meals? Or to let them eat their food a bit later if they aren't hungry when you are?

Totally agree, thank you 🙏🏼 I'm trying not to engage with the negative posts as I'm not a fan of trying to make other parents feel guilty about their parenting styles. Each to their own 😁

My 15 year old will only eat cereal, bread, sausage rolls, chips, nuggets, certain fish fingers and sometimes a chicken breast with season all done in the oven. He even refuses potatoe unless it's a chip or a waffle.

He has been like this since we adopted him at 18 months. We have tried EVERYTHING over the years and he still won't. Not once has he put a vegetable or a piece of fruit near his mouth. He once wouldn't eat a pavlova because it had strawberries on.

It really worries me, it's a nightmare when we go out to eat as he has to order off the kids menu and I just don't know what he will do when he's older unless he sits there with nuggets or fish ringers every night.

Provided we are serving normal, neutral children’s food like pasta or similar our DC are expected to eat it. If they choose not to, that’s fine but they aren’t given anything else.

I have said many times that they won’t always be eating their favourite (no one is) and they just need to eat what’s there (which is perfectly reasonable because it’s just ‘normal’ food - nothing weird!).

Fruit or yoghurt is always on the menu after they’ve eaten the main course which complements whatever they’ve just eaten that isn’t their favourite.

I won’t put up with rudeness or fussiness about how food looks or is presented.

@LimitIsUp

I have two teens (and dh) at home, 18 and 17. The eldest is a 'fussy eater' (actually I think it's fairer in her case to say she has 'issues' with food, I think she may be ASD and we are looking for an adult referral)

For years we have rotated the same six meals; roast dinner, bolognese, chicken korma, chicken pie, chicken stuffed with ricotta and wrapped in Parma ham and veggie pasties. It got stultifying boring and tbh was dictated by dd based on what she was prepared to eat. The resentment grew...

Have recently broken free and I cook what the hell I like now, and if she doesn't want it I tell her to make something else. Finally we get varied and interesting food!

Not sure how helpful this is to you op - probably not very! But it occurred to me that I should have taken this approach earlier, perhaps form age 13/14. You've got some way to go with your littlies however

Love it! Freedom!! 🙌🏼

@JackieTheFart

I’m very lucky in that I have three good eaters - but one much less so than the others.

He went through a phase of liking absolutely nothing apart from beige - fish finger sandwiches being a particular favourite.

My rule was that I’d serve the meal to all (nothing generally fancy, spag bol, chilli, stew, sometimes fajitas or tacos) and while he didn’t have to eat it all, he’d have to at least try the vegetables. One full forkful, no complaining - I mean I can deal with ‘oh no I really don’t like that’ but ‘ewwwww that’s disgusting!’ is just hurtful (and a red rag to a bull!) when said to the person who lovingly created a meal for you. If you’re serving carrots at every meal then they get carrots at every meal - you don’t have to vary it or anything.

This worked for me really well, he’s still (like me tbh) never going to be a veg or salad lover like his brothers, but he found a love for sprouts and coleslaw that he probably wouldn’t have naturally, as he’ll voluntarily now try stuff he hasn’t had before (he’s 12).

I think part of the reason it worked for us is that it was the fear he was going to be forced to eat something he really didn’t like, so once you take away that fear it becomes like baby weaning - having withdraws taste and texture

It also helps to have a dustbin of a husband who’ll eat bloody anything so if you buy some cherry tomatoes and no one but him will eat them at least they’re not wasted!

I tell the kids this. It's devastating for me that I spend lots of time making a meal and you don't eat it 😭 To be fair, I think my eldest feels guilty when I lay it on thick 😂

@KarmaStar

Ha,fish fingers : discounters??

I'll try them with discounters. Worth a shot 😬😂

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

I think I have been brainwashed to think if I don't make a hot 3-square-meals type affair for dinner then I'm failing as a parent!

It's worth remembering that many of us were fed a fairly atrocious diet as kids and still survived . School meals when I was a child were potato smileys, turkey twizzlers, smash, spaghetti hoops, arctic roll, tinned fruit, jam sponge and custard. Home food wasn't so bad - my parents were very much meat and two veg people! - but there was still a fair amount of freezer pizza and party rings and monster munch as a treat. We used to get dairylea lunchables for trips out. I remember receiving a giant chocolate bunny rabbit for Easter as a four year old and being allowed to eat so much of it that I made myself sick.

I'm a fairly unfussy adult but it has nothing to do with my childhood diet.

So true!!

@HammerToFall

My 15 year old will only eat cereal, bread, sausage rolls, chips, nuggets, certain fish fingers and sometimes a chicken breast with season all done in the oven. He even refuses potatoe unless it's a chip or a waffle.

He has been like this since we adopted him at 18 months. We have tried EVERYTHING over the years and he still won't. Not once has he put a vegetable or a piece of fruit near his mouth. He once wouldn't eat a pavlova because it had strawberries on.

It really worries me, it's a nightmare when we go out to eat as he has to order off the kids menu and I just don't know what he will do when he's older unless he sits there with nuggets or fish ringers every night.

Oh no that's so stressful. I know with my son it's totally psychological. He has a sensitive gag reflex, HATES being sick and was sick quite often as a baby. I think it still lingers.

My friends daughter, for years would only eat sausage abs chips. The chips had to be swimming in vinegar too. Then one day when she was about 15 she took a bite of her mums chicken burger, said this is lovely and never looked back. Started eating everything. Even went to work in South Korea for a while and ate everything there too!

Might just be me, but I don't remember having that many different meals growing up. We ate pretty much the same things on rotation. Less to be fussy about.

Whereas now there is so much choice and we eat cusines from all over the world. It's not surprising it takes some children a while to get used to certain textures or flavours.

One of mine is fussy but fairly healthy with it so I don't sweat it too much now. When we eat together I just put out food for us all and make sure there's something the fussy one will eat. He's really good at giving new things a bite now although he doesn't often like it, every so often he does. He's not allowed to be negative though like a PP, he'll say he's not sure and then when asked if he would like some more says no thank you, maybe later. That has been a gradual change though.

Good luck op, you'll get there!

This is the lunch I've just made for my youngest. I'm lucky with her, she's mostly a fairly good eater. It's just dinner we have an issue with. My eldest wouldn't touch most of the things on this plate, he is FUSSY (and not in a 'has a discerning-palate type of way 😂).

Why do I feel like I couldn't serve this type of plate for dinner? That's me being ridiculous. I'm taking a stand and making life easier for myself!

@roundtable

Might just be me, but I don't remember having that many different meals growing up. We ate pretty much the same things on rotation. Less to be fussy about.

Whereas now there is so much choice and we eat cusines from all over the world. It's not surprising it takes some children a while to get used to certain textures or flavours.

One of mine is fussy but fairly healthy with it so I don't sweat it too much now. When we eat together I just put out food for us all and make sure there's something the fussy one will eat. He's really good at giving new things a bite now although he doesn't often like it, every so often he does. He's not allowed to be negative though like a PP, he'll say he's not sure and then when asked if he would like some more says no thank you, maybe later. That has been a gradual change though.

Good luck op, you'll get there!

Thank you! We ate what my dad liked when we were little, so usually chicken pie 😂

It's a very dull stage ime.
Bitty meals where we'd have some left over chicken, two had some fish and the fish hater had a boiled egg. All topped off with carrots and broccoli that they would all eat thank goodness. They'd all eat fish in breadcrumbs (air fryer sounds useful!) Potato in some form. Nothing too bloody spicy..the occasional takeaway led to one havng just poppadoms but as the rest of the week was ok I could live with it by age 9/ 10.
No one meal is important it's the whole picture.
They all eat anything now. But fish is still least popular.
A knob of butter and a bit of salt can help many vegetables.

@ilovepixie

My friends daughter, for years would only eat sausage abs chips. The chips had to be swimming in vinegar too. Then one day when she was about 15 she took a bite of her mums chicken burger, said this is lovely and never looked back. Started eating everything. Even went to work in South Korea for a while and ate everything there too!

This is the kind of motivational chat I needed to hear today!

Here’s my thoughts. Cut down portion size, have some leftovers in the kitchen in case they want seconds. Reduce snacking and choose less filling snacks. And finally there is nothing wrong with cold/not cooked things. There seems to be a weird obsession with “hot meals” like anything that’s not hot can’t be filling or nutritious. I eat lots of cold/uncooked things and find them to be perfectly filling.

@TwoShades1

Here’s my thoughts. Cut down portion size, have some leftovers in the kitchen in case they want seconds. Reduce snacking and choose less filling snacks. And finally there is nothing wrong with cold/not cooked things. There seems to be a weird obsession with “hot meals” like anything that’s not hot can’t be filling or nutritious. I eat lots of cold/uncooked things and find them to be perfectly filling.

Totally agree, this is the conclusion I'm coming to! This thread has been so helpful

I realised at one stage my two were just filling up on their favourite meals (asking for big portions/seconds) and thus turning down meals they liked less.

Now I dont let them over eat on the "easy" meals they like (coincidentally the ones that dont involve fresh meat or vegetables eg breakfast) and I find that when they arent allowed to make up calories at other times, they are less fussy with other meals!!

Agree with all the other posters. Pick your battles. DD is fussy but is slowly getting better. But she will mostly try new things (always claims to hate them) but I feel it's a step in the right direction. And I've just learnt to adapt.

eg me, DH and DS having fajitas - she'll get her chicken or steak just cooked as normal with some broccoli/carrots/peas on the side.

We also have things like roast chicken with yorkshire puddings and just steamed vegetables most weeks because she'll eat everything and it's not a hardship for the rest us. The chicken curry/soup/salad I make for me, DS and DH the following day is replaced with pasta pesto for her.

I am just obsessed with ensuring she eats at least some fruit and veg. I don't really care if her veg intake remains limited to corn, peas, broccoli and carrots for now as I figure I should be grateful she even eats that level of variety compared to some other children.

Mine is super fussy and if he doesn't eat his dinner it just gets taken away. We don't make a fuss over it and he doesn't get anything else.

When he is hungry he will eat

You could give them a shock. Tell them the next time you cook that if they complain and do not eat what you give them, you won't cook for them the next day, and there will be nothing else for them. Then follow through with it!