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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you say this is boasting?

113 replies

Isaidwhatisaid1 · 20/04/2021 16:41

A friend frequently drops comments like "My DP always likes to have at least 5k in the bank as a minimum"
Telling me without me asking anything that she earned 34k a year (late 20s)
She said she couldn't buy foundation during the first lockdown as the Estée Lauder make up counter was closed or something?
"The other day I was able to buy shoes at £120 and didn't bat an eyelid"
"our house is so messy because the cleaner hasn't been due to lockdown"

I'm on a low wage so can't really relate to any of these comments, not sure if it's to make herself seem important or to show off? I am not bothered how much money her and her husband has but admittedly sometimes I feel a bit rubbish when I'm with her.

OP posts:

TokyoSushi · 20/04/2021 16:41

Yes, she's showing off

Original poster

Isaidwhatisaid1 · 20/04/2021 16:42

I tried to get her once to go to Poundland as she could buy literally the same product she was going to buy at another shop for 3 times less, and she just refused.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 20/04/2021 16:44

I’m not sure any of these things are anything to boast about to be honest, she’s not a particular high earner, wears a foundation that’s very common and having a cleaner is also very usual. The shoes yes, if she said she could do it without blinking.

It depends how she is doing it, if she just mentions it like normal then no it’s not boasting if you think she’s doing it to make you feel bad by comparison then yes, likely she is.

boomboom1234 · 20/04/2021 16:45

I don't think she is necessarily showing off - she is just taking about her experiences. It depends how she says it and why and those things only you know. I would not say talking about brands you prefer or things you've got is automatically showing off.

LetMeTryAgain · 20/04/2021 16:46

She just sounds very immature.

Allthefilmsarecrap · 20/04/2021 16:47

I’d find that utterly tedious.

Why do people like that think others are impressed? I just feel embarrassed for them that they feel the need to go on like that.

HTH1 · 20/04/2021 16:48

Depends upon whether she knows you earn less and probably can’t afford those things. If so, she is boasting (but if she thinks you have roughly the same income, she wouldn’t be).

SisterAgatha · 20/04/2021 16:49

I wasn’t sure till you said about the “I was able to spend £120 on a pair of shoes the other day”.

The others could just be comments. Dickish comments but still. But the shoes - I am sure plenty of people are able to and just don’t. What’s the insinuation there. Sounds like that one was a deliberate comparison to other people circumstances.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 20/04/2021 16:49

It isn’t very British to discuss money or earnings, it just isn’t a dignified thing to do really.

Also Estée Lauder is not a ‘normal’ brand of foundation, it’s £35 for a 30ml bottle ffs. Of course she’s boasting, it’s a teensy bit pathetic and she sounds insecure.

HTH1 · 20/04/2021 16:49

The shoes one is definitely a bit braggy.

AnyFucker · 20/04/2021 16:49

Yup

lollipoprainbow · 20/04/2021 16:50

I know someone like this on Instagram, a mutual acquaintance always has to drop in that she drives a Porsche, wears a Rolex (actually she has 2) her partner lavishes her with gifts constantly. Very annoying!

VaVaGloom · 20/04/2021 16:50

I think they may just be comments relative to her life rather than showing off. That’s what’s on her mind and she might not realise the differences in your lives.

Bluntness100 · 20/04/2021 16:51

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

It isn’t very British to discuss money or earnings, it just isn’t a dignified thing to do really.

Also Estée Lauder is not a ‘normal’ brand of foundation, it’s £35 for a 30ml bottle ffs. Of course she’s boasting, it’s a teensy bit pathetic and she sounds insecure.

Guarantee they sell hundreds of thousands of bottles a year here. Yes, it’s expensive compared to say maybelline, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the norm for many women, and no I don’t wear it.

Aprilx · 20/04/2021 16:51

It’s a bit weird to say you can buy £120 shoes without blinking and there is presumably no reason to disclose what her DH likes to maintain in the bank. But I don’t think her salary, Este Lauder or having a cleaner are boasts.

VaVaGloom · 20/04/2021 16:52

Presumably she’s not had spare income growing up so is bubbling over with glee. She will hopefully learn more tact over time.

SisterAgatha · 20/04/2021 16:52

Plus you can get Estée Lauder delivered so if someone said that to me, I’d just tell them to order it. Maybe she’s new money

Jumpers268 · 20/04/2021 16:55

I was fine until the shoes comment. "didn't bat an eyelid". I wouldn't have been able to stop myself rolling my eyes. Makeup I spend stupid money on though but don't go about saying it unnecessarily. Only say if someone specifically asks.

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 20/04/2021 16:55

She's trying really hard to show off isn't she? It just reads quite cringey like she's desperate to impress but honestly nothing in that list is anything to boast about. If she makes you feel crap by comparison then she's not much of a mate.

She sounds like someone I know who's a bit obsessed with appearances. She'd rather live in an unheated house than shop in Aldi. She drives a BMW she can't really afford but there's no way she'd swap it for something cheaper. All very try hard.

newnortherner111 · 20/04/2021 16:57

If your friend is telling other people, then it makes it a lovely invitation to burglars or identity fraud.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 20/04/2021 16:58

I don't know I'd call it boasting, but she clearly doesn't apply 'know your audience'.

If she makes you feel crap, why is she in your life?

Mymycherrypie · 20/04/2021 16:58

The thing is that even if they were things to boast about, they still aren’t things to boast about.

Things to boast about are kindness, integrity, hard fought wins and achievements. Not foundation and cleaners. I’d just think her a basic person.

bananaboats · 20/04/2021 16:58

I hate people like this, they are always hard work. I've no interest in what someone has in the bank and what they've spent on xyz and I hate snobbery so she prob isn't someone I would be friends with tbh!

EileenGC · 20/04/2021 16:58

Some people love to overshare. Without knowing her, we can’t say if she’s just an oversharer or a bragger. Or both.

RaceToTheBottomCompetitionOnMN · 20/04/2021 17:01

That would depend on the context and her intentions really. Seems you're not sure of the latter, yet she's your "friend".

If she's randomly blurting those out, then I'm more concerned for her mental state than anything because that's not a normal way to have a conversation. However, if the statements are within the context of what you both were talking about (and I suspect they are), regardless of how you feel about them/her, then it may or may not be boasting. It will depend on her intention and this is where only you can decide what she's like, if she's really your friend. If you don't know her well enough to know, then [To borrow from the usual phrase on MN] you have a friendship issue.

But let's not let such considerations disappoint the 'race to the bottom' culture on MN, where anything above "I live on the breadline" is seen as boasting.

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