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Original poster

Would you say this is boasting?

113 replies

Isaidwhatisaid1 · 20/04/2021 16:41

A friend frequently drops comments like "My DP always likes to have at least 5k in the bank as a minimum"
Telling me without me asking anything that she earned 34k a year (late 20s)
She said she couldn't buy foundation during the first lockdown as the Estée Lauder make up counter was closed or something?
"The other day I was able to buy shoes at £120 and didn't bat an eyelid"
"our house is so messy because the cleaner hasn't been due to lockdown"

I'm on a low wage so can't really relate to any of these comments, not sure if it's to make herself seem important or to show off? I am not bothered how much money her and her husband has but admittedly sometimes I feel a bit rubbish when I'm with her.

OP posts:
B33Fr33 · 20/04/2021 17:03

She sounds a bit dull. I have an uncle that often, unprompted will tell you where everything he's wearing or in the house was bought, how much etc. Its like his version of not quite small talk. Maybe you could guide her to talking about something interesting. If she keeps going back to it maybe it's entirely showing off or her insecurities. A LOT of people seem to need to reassure themselves they'll often say that whatever amount you paid "isn't much" or it's not great etc. Low self esteem.

It's great she has a comfortable amount of disposable income, but maybe she needs some guidance with social skills?

Bluntness100 · 20/04/2021 17:03

Is it maybe a bit of both op, a bit showing off from her, and a bit of envy from you? And that’s why you feel rubbish when you’re with her?

The thing is unless you only socialise with people in the same financial bracket as you or worse, then unless they are super sensitive and wouldn’t dream of mentioning they had a cleaner or what type of foundation they worse, then these are the kind of things people,will casually mention. She’s a low to middle earner, so unless she was showing off in comparison to you and knows what you earn rhen it’s not a salary to show off about.

Creamcrackersandricecakes · 20/04/2021 17:17

Urgh, talking about money is so vulgar. No class!

NameChange2745637 · 20/04/2021 17:24

Estée Lauder test their products on animals so its really nothing to be boastful about

Mmn654123 · 20/04/2021 17:25

@Isaidwhatisaid1

I tried to get her once to go to Poundland as she could buy literally the same product she was going to buy at another shop for 3 times less, and she just refused.
Just keep dropping into conversation that “a fool and their money are soon parted.......”

;-)

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 20/04/2021 17:25

She's showing off. People who are secure and happy don't feel the need to boast about what they spend money on, or how much is in the bank.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 20/04/2021 17:28

Sounds like a complete tit. Bin her off ... friend are supposed to make you feel good about yourself.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 20/04/2021 17:29

She sounds insecure and like she is seeking validation from you.

Overthebow · 20/04/2021 17:29

She’s boasting and very strange. Not really sure having £5k in the bank is much to boast about, and £34k isn’t a high wage.

BruisedPear · 20/04/2021 17:31

The shoe comment is a bit odd, but I’m guessing the rest were said in some sort of conversation not just randomly blurted out.
People’s experiences are personal experiences, she may very well wear este Lauder foundation lots of people do.
I think the British are very sensitive when talking about money so assume it’s boasting or vulgar.
I wouldn’t assume my friend is boasting likewise I wouldn’t assume she was trying to make me feel guilty or sorry for her if she said she was poor or was 5k in debt ?!

Bluntness100 · 20/04/2021 17:31

To be honest my friends and I discuss money we are all very open and know how much each other earn.

Cam2020 · 20/04/2021 17:33

I'd say she's a dick.

Spied · 20/04/2021 17:34

I went through a phase in my late teens of only wearing Dior make-up and refusing to go in shops like Poundland.
I walked around acting like I was royalty and superior to anyone who had the misfortune of knowing me.
Inside I was very low and did this to make myself feel good as essentially I felt inferior.
I tried to show off so others would look up to me and secretly I'd hope they were jealous.

Boood · 20/04/2021 17:35

My DP always likes to have at least 5k in the bank as a minimum"

  • Boasting, and very foolish in case the wrong person overhears. Also not the best way of managing your money.

Telling me without me asking anything that she earned 34k a year (late 20s)

  • Boasting and tacky.

She said she couldn't buy foundation during the first lockdown as the Estée Lauder make up counter was closed or something?

  • Not boasting unless you had just said you had just splashed out on a cheaper brand, in which case it’s rude and tactless. Also I’ve bought EL foundation online without any problems.

"The other day I was able to buy shoes at £120 and didn't bat an eyelid"

  • Definitely boasting.

"our house is so messy because the cleaner hasn't been due to lockdown"

  • Not necessarily boasting, but an odd thing to say as cleaners have been allowed to work since fairly early in the first lockdown last year.
Resetting · 20/04/2021 17:38

It reads to me like boasting. Which will be having exactly the opposite effect of what she's probably going for, she's making herself seem vulgar and not very classy.

There's a quote from Angela's Ashes that comes to mind (it's along the lines of) "you can tell they never had anything, they way they brag about everything".

Bluey18 · 20/04/2021 17:40

Total opposite to me and my closest friends, we often "brag" when we find a bargain, one of them is excellent for sending me links for kids clothes on sale Grin. I'd find your friend dull and would be internally cringing at those comments and I'm on the same wage as her. I would be embarrassed to say things like this to any of my friends, let alone people I know earn less than me.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 20/04/2021 17:40

In my view you pitch your comments to your audience. If you know the other person is not in the same financial position you think about what you say. The foundation comment may not be intentional as some people will prioritise certain brands but the other two comments I am not so sure about.

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/04/2021 17:41

Do you have something she wants or is insecure about? Eg are you married with kids and she isn’t? Or has debt? It could just be that she’s trying to big herself up by saying these things rather than put you down. Either way a lesson in self awareness wouldn’t go amiss - just tell her how you feel

ShirleyPhallus · 20/04/2021 17:43

@Bluntness100

I’m not sure any of these things are anything to boast about to be honest, she’s not a particular high earner, wears a foundation that’s very common and having a cleaner is also very usual. The shoes yes, if she said she could do it without blinking.

It depends how she is doing it, if she just mentions it like normal then no it’s not boasting if you think she’s doing it to make you feel bad by comparison then yes, likely she is.

This is exactly what I was going to say

I went on a date once with a guy who boasted about totally average things. It was so bloody odd.

Resetting · 20/04/2021 17:46

Also op I don't think you come across as jealous, are you uncomfortable because of cringey she is? I know one guy that loves to brag, and I bet he thinks we're all green with envy listening to him, when really we're all thinking "wow you really are such a twat, just stop", while we squirm with embarrassment.

Resetting · 20/04/2021 17:46

*because of how cringey

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 20/04/2021 17:58

Why would she boast about 34k a year, it's not a particularly high wage...

Original poster
Isaidwhatisaid1 · 20/04/2021 17:59

Its almost double my salary and i think it's amongst the highest for our friendship group , or maybe she thought it was..

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/04/2021 18:03

Are you ok? You have quite some number of threads on money.

If you need help, money saving expert is great. I am sure mn has some more resources too.

Original poster
Isaidwhatisaid1 · 20/04/2021 18:05

Yeah I'm ok thank you , wish money didn't stress me so much.

OP posts:
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