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Original poster

Would you say this is boasting?

113 replies

Isaidwhatisaid1 · 20/04/2021 16:41

A friend frequently drops comments like "My DP always likes to have at least 5k in the bank as a minimum"
Telling me without me asking anything that she earned 34k a year (late 20s)
She said she couldn't buy foundation during the first lockdown as the Estée Lauder make up counter was closed or something?
"The other day I was able to buy shoes at £120 and didn't bat an eyelid"
"our house is so messy because the cleaner hasn't been due to lockdown"

I'm on a low wage so can't really relate to any of these comments, not sure if it's to make herself seem important or to show off? I am not bothered how much money her and her husband has but admittedly sometimes I feel a bit rubbish when I'm with her.

OP posts:
gavisconismyfriend · 20/04/2021 20:34

Sounds like she’s a bit insecure

Blankscreen · 20/04/2021 20:46

The saying "money shouts wealth whispers" pretty much sums her up
I used to have a friend like this

Very tactless and quite frankly cringey and embarrassing

ElderMillennial · 20/04/2021 20:58

Yes she is boasting but like Bluntness said she isn't a particularly high earner. However it is all relative and she is likely to know if she earns more than you and so insensitive and classless to talk about money in that way IMHO.

ElderMillennial · 20/04/2021 20:59

Maybe you should start out-boasting her.

Her: I like to have a minimum of £5K in my account at any time.

You: Only £5K? That's not much! What if you needed to buy a new car?

ZenNudist · 20/04/2021 21:01

Drop her. She's going to get worse as she gets older. It's not boasting but it is insensitive and crass.

Suzi888 · 20/04/2021 21:08

@lollipoprainbow

I know someone like this on Instagram, a mutual acquaintance always has to drop in that she drives a Porsche, wears a Rolex (actually she has 2) her partner lavishes her with gifts constantly. Very annoying!
Lucky cow!Grin
mathanxiety · 20/04/2021 21:49

She's pathetic.

CorianderBee · 21/04/2021 08:28

Not boasting: the cleaner, the foundation, possibly salary (depends on the conversation).

Boasting: husbands 5k, the shoes, possibly salary (see above).

Sounds like she's not used to having a bit of money tbh. It makes her feel good in a way she's not used to - it's kind of mentionitis.

Planningobjection · 21/04/2021 08:35

Some things are boasting some aren’t. The foundation and cleaner comments for example aren’t. The I’m so lucky I can just go out and buy a
£120 pair of shoes is when she knows you’re strapped for cash. I just find talking about money crass and no she isn’t a high earner, she earns a very normal wage so I’m not sure why she has such grand ideas.

Planningobjection · 21/04/2021 08:36

The 5k in the bank is sensible but then totally contradicts her refusal to buy the same product in Poundland to save money. She’s clearly a snob

MrsClatterbuck · 21/04/2021 08:41

I was always taught that you don't go on about what you earn or buy if expensive in front of people who don't have very much. To me it's bad manners.

HavelockVetinari · 21/04/2021 08:50

Definitely boasting - why on Earth would she feel the need to mention those things otherwise?

HavelockVetinari · 21/04/2021 08:52

@MrsClatterbuck

I was always taught that you don't go on about what you earn or buy if expensive in front of people who don't have very much. To me it's bad manners.
I was taught that you don't talk about such things at all - why would you? Talking about how much money you have and how you can buy expensive things is tedious at best and vulgar at worst.
Planningobjection · 21/04/2021 09:06

@HavelockVetinari me too. I wouldn’t even ask a sibling or best friend how much they earnt, how much their house cost etc. Talking about money at all is just bad manners imo.

MintyMabel · 21/04/2021 09:19

Urgh, talking about money is so vulgar. No class!

This comment in itself shows a lack of class.

eaglejulesk · 21/04/2021 09:28

Yes, she's boasting.

rosemary35 · 21/04/2021 09:31

Rubbish friend with bad manners and I would drop her.

£34k in late twenties is a good enough salary, but not brag-worthy. I would never dream of mentioning my salary like that. She sounds narcissistic and shallow.

UniversitySerf · 21/04/2021 09:58

How incredibly insensitive. She earns just over the national average wage. DH has a friend like this, when we were all about 31 he was already on 150k a year not inc bonus but he was a city banker boy and he showed off about the cost of everything including his bathroom tiles.

DH and I are quite well off , we have never shared our actual wage, investments or savings info with anyone.

DennySaid · 21/04/2021 10:02

Boasting. Even if it’s hard to discern definitely. Because I recognise this in myself (and trying to stamp on it hard!) - making the odd offhand comment that no one could ever prove was boasting, but I know in my heart of hearts it is, partly because I’d choose my audience. (And frankly some of your friend’s comments are pretty overt!)

My rule now is only to mention specifics to people who I know categorically have a lot more money than I do. It’s not kind to make people feel bad.

Not sure about the people who have come on this thread and been like, ‘£34k? That’s not much to boast about! I was on £300k before I was out of nappies!’

AnotherCupOfTeaVicar · 21/04/2021 10:16

@MintyMabel

Urgh, talking about money is so vulgar. No class!

This comment in itself shows a lack of class.

Commenting on the comment, highlighting the comment, is vulgar and shows a lack of class Grin Your turn @MintyMabel
EthelHall0w · 21/04/2021 10:23

People that don't bat an eyelid when buying something wouldn't talk about it. It would just be the norm for a wealthy person, but she needs to someone to know what she spent. That's how you know she is talking out of her arse. Wouldn't surprise me if half of what she's talking about is on plastic anyway. 34k isn't what I'd call a high earner, it's fairly average. None of what she said is particularly impressive.

Phase her out, she sounds like a dimwit looking to feel better about herself and she's using you to do it.

RainingZen · 21/04/2021 10:33

She is probably insecure, at best. At worst, just an unpleasant show off. I'd be tempted to phase her out of my friendship circle, who needs a friend who is constantly flaunting their relative wealth at you.

An0n0n0n · 21/04/2021 10:44

I would guess she is a chatterbox.

I have a friend like this, a lovely soul but an ocersharer and just talks and talks.

I think because she is used to having the big house and 2 brand new cars and £XXX in the bank she doesn't realise want she's doing. OH and I live nearby in a smaller house so I dont think my friend is bragging.

So i think it would depend on much more than just those comments, like if she's otherwise kind or comes from a poor background and says it to make herself feel better.

Basically I wouldn't see it as her being up herself unless she was doing other things to make you question your friendship.

Everyone's partner annoys them sometimes so if she would be the sort to loan you the shoes or be there for you then I'd write this off as an annoying habit.

RosesAndHellebores · 21/04/2021 10:47

Signpost her to style and beauty. She'll feel inadequate over there.

QwertyGirly · 21/04/2021 10:49

I have many friends who earn a lot more than we do, who have two/three expensive cars, loads of clothes and expensive handbags. I have a friend who has three houses (not rented out). They rarely make comments like that and if they do, they don't mean it in a show off way. Most are the opposite - they offer me to borrow their (nice handbags or weekends at their cottage) and pay for me at restaurants. Your friend isn't particularly wealthy, she is showing off.

If you can flush her, do. It's not a nice place to be and it's not worth it.