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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think only some areas are full of money obsessed people?

127 replies

Sellersremorse8 · 19/04/2021 19:34

Maybe an odd one?!

We’re moving soon and I said to DH “I’m looking forward to moving somewhere where people don’t talk about money all the time - how much x property sold for, how much x earns, how much x costs.”

DH said “Everywhere is like that! Money is status. People like to show off.”

I said the area we’re in now (“up-and-come” london) wasn’t like that before it became so pricey (we’ve been here a very, very long time). That’s because, I said, people didn’t get their self-worth from their earnings when it wasn’t such a wealthy place. DH thinks I’m romanticising it.

AIBU to think that in some places people don’t talk about money constantly?! Or does everyone, everywhere?

OP posts:

the80sweregreat · 20/04/2021 11:36

Poppycat, that's so sad to read!
Shallow indeed ( not worth bothering about either)

Inneedoflifeadvice · 20/04/2021 11:45

I think you're right OP.

Places like London and some of the home county towns are obsessed with wealth more than other places in the UK. However if you're mixing with wealthy people and/or have kids at private school then you're likely to still meet people who are obsessed with wealth.

IntermittentParps · 20/04/2021 12:15

And its London, nobody talks to anyone anyway!
That's rubbish. It is in my neighbourhood anyway (Zone 2 north).

I think it's individual people/groups of friends/families etc who are or aren't into talking about money, not areas. My street and neighbourhood, and my friends, don't talk about it; but I've worked with and known people who do. And my DP has various family members in the same area in Scotland and while his DSis, not to mention the local farmers and gamekeepers etc, don't talk about money or stuff at all, his DF is obsessed by money and status symbols.

completelyclueless1 · 20/04/2021 12:56

@poppycat10 I can well believe that. It makes me feel a bit sick about bringing up my my three year old round here

HeronLanyon · 20/04/2021 12:58

@Whtitjd waves at fellow zone 1. I can deffo think of a few zone 1 areas where I’ll bet it’s all out competitiveness. Sigh.

Murraytheskull · 20/04/2021 13:06

I think the OP has a point too. I've found some parts of the Cotswolds are very much like this. It's part of the reason I moved on to Gloucester where I haven't found the same kind of mentality from people.

Ginuwine · 20/04/2021 13:11

The folk saying "it makes me sick thinking about (people's money attitudes)" or "the (talk about money) is the reason I moved"...

Wow

Gladimnotcampinginthisweather · 20/04/2021 13:23

I don't understand Ginuwine.

Whtitjd · 20/04/2021 13:24

@Ginuwine it doesn't make me sick - it's just a bit boring. I mean where I live most people earn well so that's almost a given so why do they constantly have to talk about where they got the latest whatever...money should give you more options/opportunities it's a bit boring if effectively it just means that you just obsess about the same thing just a slightly more expensive version. it's not sickening - just dull

Lucyccfc68 · 20/04/2021 13:32

I live in a deprived area in the North West and on the whole no one really talks about money, having a big house, nice car etc because lots of people just don’t have these things.

In my friendship group, we all have jobs, which range from minimum wage up to £65k, some rent, some own and we drive cars from an old banger, to Ford KA to a Merc. None of us give a hoot to be honest. If someone gets a pay rise or promotion we congratulate them. If they get a new car, we are happy for them. If they move house or can afford a new kitchen, we are delighted for them.

Locally though, it can be the opposite of what people have talked about, I sometimes feel that aspiration or having a nice car/house if frowned upon - or rather sneered at.

I got to choose a Merc as a company car and picked DS up from school in it. I had 2 complete strangers (other kids parents) look down their nose at me and one of them muttered ‘who does that snotty bitch think she is’. I started parking well away from school after that and just ignored the 2 parents.

No one outside my immediate friendship group knows what I earn and I keep it that way. No ones else’s business really.

Cowbells · 20/04/2021 13:33

I really hope YANBU. DH and I are hoping to move soon and one criterion is that it's to somewhere people aren't obsessed with wealth and shows of it. But the place we had hoped to move to has just recently become super fashionable so we may need to rethink.

Whtitjd · 20/04/2021 13:44

@Cowbells am curious how would you go about finding that out? i've tried to go to different places but my impression is that lots of my old haunts in North London and/SW London are now like that through and through.

Gothichouse40 · 20/04/2021 13:49

My view is it's vulgar to discuss money and I'd never dream of asking anyone how much they earned, or how much their house cost, these are private matters. Also, if people know you have alot of money it makes them feel uncomfortable, same if they know you are hard up. I never discuss money with anyone, and definitely not with family.

ballroompink · 20/04/2021 14:08

I live in a city in the east of England and I genuinely don't know anyone like this! Never noticed any one-upmanship about money, cars, houses, brands etc. at the school gate. Although it definitely depends where you live. A colleague of mine lived for some time in a pretty 'exclusive' village ten minutes down the road from here. She said there was a lot of sniffiness at the school gate because she worked and wasn't one of the 'mums who spend their time lunching and going to the gym' crew.

Cowbells · 20/04/2021 14:27

[quote Whtitjd]@Cowbells am curious how would you go about finding that out? i've tried to go to different places but my impression is that lots of my old haunts in North London and/SW London are now like that through and through.[/quote]
The place we were thinking of had a reputation for being a bit alternative and arty - like Brighton or Hackney or Bristol. But I think it's heading the way of all arty places and getting rapidly gentrified. Which means we won't be able to afford it anyway soon!

MrsBobDylan · 20/04/2021 14:33

Well you can't talk about big houses and having money if you don't have either of those. So no, where I live no one talks about that sort of stuff.

someonelockthefridgealready · 20/04/2021 14:40

We have just moved out of a rental where the neighbours would barely say hello as all the rest of the houses on the street were worth over a million (I have no idea why the rent on that house was so low but we were happy to enjoy it while it lasted) and we have ancient cars and wear non-designer clothes. I think we're very well-off but we couldn't afford a million-pound house, for sure, and we're not from high-income backgrounds, so it's obvious we didn't "fit in". There's a real difference where we are now - DH and I have both said how nice it is to be around "normal" people (by which we mean non-loaded) again

HavelockVetinari · 20/04/2021 14:48

I think it depends on who you mix with to some extent - I live in the Peaks and have never discussed house prices or earnings with any of my friends! Nor do my uni friends discuss such things.

Intothelabyrinth · 20/04/2021 15:01

I moved from Cheshire to SW and love the area I am now in for many reasons, one being the comparative lack of focus on material stuff. No pressure to own a fancy or even clean car (no point when you need to squeeze down single track, muddy roads). Far less emphasis on dressing up day to day in expensive clothes. The local state school has a very broad mix of society (economically if not ethnically).

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 20/04/2021 15:23

@poppycat10

I've managed to reach my 50s without ever having a conversation where people brag about how much they earn, how expensive their house is, what labels they wear, what car they drive etc

It's not bragging, it's more subtle than that. For example, when ds was much younger he played football. We were the family with the handed down boring small car. We were definitely looked down upon by the other football parents who all had people carriers (SUVs were less of a thing at the time).

It was similar with the NCT group. There were 8 of us and we had the smallest house at the time. Some of them were very well off and they hung around together and didn't invite us. We had a reunion when the babies were a year old and didn't see them again. One of the couples got married and we were the only ones not invited to the wedding.

We've done much better since we made friends via hobbies where people get to know you the person and although they may see your car, they never see your house and may never know what you do for a living, either.

Some people are sadly very shallow.

I haven't had that experience either, despite having lived in London and Cheshire which apparently are hotspots for this kind of behavior.

I don't know if I'm lucky or just oblivious. I was the person driving to the London NCT group in the £300 car, yet they all included me.

completelyclueless1 · 20/04/2021 15:31

@Ginuwine

The folk saying "it makes me sick thinking about (people's money attitudes)" or "the (talk about money) is the reason I moved"...

Wow

When I said I feel sick I just meant about the pressure of 'keeping up' around here when children go to school.

I don't care about myself, but I do care about him on the playground

Londonmummy66 · 20/04/2021 16:16

I think that quite a few of the more central areas of London attract people who want to live there because they are interested in politics/music/theatre etc and therefore have more interesting things to talk about. The sacrifice is usually that the nice house is in a rather mixed area which the status obsessed probably wouldn't want. Where I live everyone knows and talks to everyone and there is a very wide mix of incomes. People are more likely to discuss politics or what is on the in West End although I suspect most know what the properties for sale are on for. A lot of people move here because they have visited friends here and like the area so there is a bit of a who went to school/university with whom gossip.

There's an active mums' network that passes on children's clothes and household stuff, recommendations for local businesses and schools - state and private - money really isn't much of a factor - some earn 7 figures, some have sold businesses for 8 figures and some are on a hell of a lot less with businesses decimated by COVID.

Bingomangoes · 20/04/2021 16:49

Yep, its a geographical thing. I do NOT miss it, it's dull and it turns people into workaholics. These days I live in a rural area of the South west. At my kids school there are kids who go out on the family yaught at the weekend, several holidays a year etc and other kids who have absolutely nothing and were delivered food parcels by the headteacher throughout lockdown. Genuinely don't know of any child who's social circle is restricted based on this. I've never discussed my income or anyone else's since being here (10yrs) Work isn't a topic of conversation unless you have a particularly interesting and relevant-to-the-community type job. I prefer it this way.

RealisticSketch · 20/04/2021 19:19

It is odd that your dh believes this is a universal culture, it must be so normalised for him that he doesn't even realise it.

ElephantsNest · 20/04/2021 21:22

The only people I come across that are status obsessed have usually moved from London and the South East, but they are a minority and are easy to avoid. In lockdown they all bought pure bred puppies for £££.

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