To think only some areas are full of money obsessed people?

[Sellersremorse8]

Maybe an odd one?!

We’re moving soon and I said to DH “I’m looking forward to moving somewhere where people don’t talk about money all the time - how much x property sold for, how much x earns, how much x costs.”

DH said “Everywhere is like that! Money is status. People like to show off.”

I said the area we’re in now (“up-and-come” london) wasn’t like that before it became so pricey (we’ve been here a very, very long time). That’s because, I said, people didn’t get their self-worth from their earnings when it wasn’t such a wealthy place. DH thinks I’m romanticising it.

AIBU to think that in some places people don’t talk about money constantly?! Or does everyone, everywhere?

I think it’s often a feature in up and coming areas in London because you get an influx of people busy slapping each other on the back on how clever they were to discover it - ignoring the thousands of others who have lived their for ages.

Yes it's London. Where people, from all socio economic backgrounds, are obsessed with it or what it can buy.

Dh knew a few friends a long time ago now who seemed to become very wealthy overnight ( took over a business and made it big very quickly) they were so normal about it all.
I guess that social media wasn't a thing back then and they did come from ordinary working class backgrounds ( usually the worst for a bit of bragging, but oddly enough they didn't at all)
I bet they would be different in today's climate, but back then it was sort of seen as ' the boys done well ' and everyone moved on. Maybe attitudes have changed now? It is what you've got that is important and not who you are? Maybe people would look down their noses at the fact they were not privately educated or had to work hard for their wealth?
I don't know anymore, but all this money obsession is sad I think. It's all so competitive.

The only place I've ever seen anyone obsess with having money, or not having money is Mumsnet.

@MintyMabel I am not sure whether it's simply about money - people don't automatically talk about raw cash (although I think the men do and DH is always left out) but the right brands, the right holidays, the right hobbies for their kids, etc all of which only seem to be better because they cost lots of cash, laughing at things that are oh so cheap, how the only way to travel as a family is if your nanny comes with etc...

but the right brands, the right holidays, the right hobbies for their kids, etc all of which only seem to be better because they cost lots of cash, laughing at things that are oh so cheap, how the only way to travel as a family is if your nanny comes with etc...

Nope. Never come across that in real life either.

There are definitely different 'tribes', either by location or grouping, often people in materialistic groups seem to fuel each other so it can all get a bit much/toxic/competitive e.g neighbours or friends that must have a new car because everyone else has, literally keeping up. I don't know people who literally brag about their earnings exactly, but will show say, a new watch and say how much it costs - it personally makes me cringe!! But in other 'tribes' referring to money or cost of things just isn't 'done' but on the other hand furniture is largely family heirlooms and items etc are discretely very good quality. Funnily enough shopping is not something to brag about, conspicuous consumption isn't particularly a thing to be talked over. I think different groups get focused on different things e.g eco/academic/alternative aspiration etc. So basically, noone is particularly wrong - you just have to find your tribe!

One of my favourite things about living in my area of the SW is its lack of pretentious snobbery. Nobody in their right mind owns a decent car and drives it down our narrow country lanes or to the beach - it would get trashed.

The state schools are great and well used by kids from a range of backgrounds as people don't feel the need to privately educate even when they can comfortably afford to. Quality of life is prized most highly - people tend to choose to work fewer hours.

We sometimes visit the area where dp is from (W mids) and I can't believe how much his family talk about and judge people based on money. It makes me really uncomfortable.

Where I live it’s really not done to talk about money - seen as a bit common really
However it’s still obvious who has and who hasn’t because they still talk about their new car or home improvement or early retirement plan!
I don’t join in as I base my value on more than monetary value or possessions - good thing as I have neither - being a lone parent/single householder for most of my life has long term financial effects that couples just don’t understand

I definitely think the north and London are different. In the north hardly anyone has money.and so it's too tight to even mention, but in London you see it all the time or sense it when it's not obvious. London is a feeding frenzy of greed and having the trappings.

When I first went down to London from the north, I was shocked at how even in very deprived areas, the young people had expensive clothes (sports and casual). Also the jewellery, big gold chains (yes real), handbags and so on. Back the north young people just didn't dress that flash way and weren't as obsessed with flashing it

You need to meet more interesting people! There's a massive range of housing in my Midlands village/ town so I think people are more generally reserved talking about money, because you could easily sound like a twat If you started bitching about your latest pointless flash car to someone in a very different situation. I like driving my beaten up "mum bus" because it does tend to filter out the parents who think a flash car means something. I have had more than a few double takes when my street gets discussed.

Get a crappy car. You tend to meet people more interested in YOU than your bank balance.

We visited family member in Surrey and were really struck by how all the conversations revolved around money and designer labels. Also who you knew.... loads of name dropping.

DH was wearing a blue top which was much admired and everyone wanted to know the designer. Local army supplies

@WaverleyPirate

We visited family member in Surrey and were really struck by how all the conversations revolved around money and designer labels. Also who you knew.... loads of name dropping.

DH was wearing a blue top which was much admired and everyone wanted to know the designer. Local army supplies

Yeah ok. So, this just sounds like my sister in law (as I mentioned earlier in the thread).

It's like my SIL just HAS to make a point of distinction when coming down here from the North East by saying "you lot in Surrey are obsessed with money"...

Yet there's only one person who is talking about money. Funnily enough, it isn't me.

I've lived in Surrey on and off my whole life. My child's school costs money but I don't tell - she always makes a point of raising it. Probing for stuff to take back home about cost of trips, famous parents etc.

My car is something I always wanted and have owned for 7 years as a result. Yet she's always talking about it in an offhand way as if it's a shorthand for why I live here and what our (must be shallow) lifestyle represents to her.

You can't win living somewhere like this, when someone lives somewhere else and is determined to "other" you for living in the mental equivalent of Beverly Hills to them.

You read threads like this and it's a form of superiority bingo. "I live in a cheaper area of the UK but we have community and meaning to our lives, real countryside and walks and friendly folk. You lot in Surrey are just about money."

So why keep talking about us then if your area is so much better? We're fine here. Each to their own etc.

@B33Fr33

You need to meet more interesting people! There's a massive range of housing in my Midlands village/ town so I think people are more generally reserved talking about money, because you could easily sound like a twat If you started bitching about your latest pointless flash car to someone in a very different situation. I like driving my beaten up "mum bus" because it does tend to filter out the parents who think a flash car means something. I have had more than a few double takes when my street gets discussed. Get a crappy car. You tend to meet people more interested in YOU than your bank balance.

Is someone really advocating getting a crappier car so that people are more inclined to speak to them, and it projects an air of being more interesting?

...

I'm lost.. but I don't think I'm the only one

In seriousness as per my last post just now, us British people are so very odd about money and image.

Whenever wealth and projection of lifestyle come up, there is some sort of Mumsnet bingo about how the proper rich drive a battered Mercedes E Class or Audi A6 estate from the late 90s, in a dark blue or green colour, with small wheels and a towbar. They would never dare own anything else and "wealth whispers" etc.

It’s not like that everywhere. Cities maybe as your postcode determines how people view you to some extent (even some careers there’s a pressure to move to a ‘better’ postcode with each promotion!)

We’re more rural now. Nice area and nobody talks about money or postcodes. Streets of big old houses are near blocks of flats and affordable housing, so you can give the general area you live in without anyone knowing if you live in a 6-bed or a studio.

I live in inner London where house prices have probably quadrupled over the last 20 years, people on my street (which has HA, private rented, owner occupied flats and houses) include some very high earners, but I've never heard anyone mention their income, or say what their flat/house is worth, or what they paid for it. Surely to do so is regarded as pretty naff?

If a close friend is selling and getting valuations I'd probably ask about them just out of nosiness!

I’ve lived in London and now live in Surrey and don’t know anyone who discusses what they earn or the value of their houses. I dont think I know anyone who drives a Range Rover or wears Boden. Farrow & Ball? Well maybe... I’ve never enquired about who supplies their paint. I can only assume you’re knocking about with the wrong people.

There have always been the ' new rich' knocking around , the self made who might like to boast a bit or shoe horn house prices into conversations , but I know that so many of these people might not have any wealth at all if it wasn't for escalating home prices , so it's all just rubbish really. Much of it is only ' on paper' too I'm sure.
The properly rich are less likely to have the flashier cars or the designer labels and be a bit more humble about it all whilst still having all the things money can buy.
I do hate the braggers though. I find them a bit insecure and lacking in any empathy. Plus I'm not impressed by nice cars or big houses. It's mostly just for show for other people.

VestaTilly I hope you aren't moving to the cathedral city I used to live in. I encountered more snobbery there than I ever have where I live now. We lived in a conservation area, where people considered that they had arrived, even though they had paid an arm and a leg for a two up two down former workman's cottage. I loved living there because of the history, but the obsession with class and money got me down.
Where I live now neither of those things feature at all. Or maybe I am just lucky with the people I know.

Surrey certainly didn’t spring to mind when I first read the OP. Essex did.

Which is even worse, as a lot of Essex is folk from the east end, originally. Their great grandparents would’ve largely had fuck all. There is a huge showing off of new money here. Not in the way of private education etc, but beauty treatments, Range Rovers, New build 5 bedroom detached houses. Holidays to Maldives/similar. Endless days out for the kids and different holidays. Mountains of new clothes. All for everyone to see on social media (Instagram). Never known another county to be quite so money obsessed like this...

At least Surrey is ‘posher’. Essex is all fur coats and no knickers.

Huge generalisation obviously as there are some lovely folk in Essex. But the money obsessed ones really stand out

@SavingsQuestions

I so wish I could edit 🤦🏼‍♀️. I can spell...

This is me after everything I post, you aren't alone 😂

You get quite a lot of it here in the affluent pockets of the SW (Bath, Salisbury) because the whole reason some people are here is due to selling London flats and small houses to buy still-expensive larger houses.

I follow some influencers who moved to Bath in order to buy a house. So far so relateable until you realise their version of an "affordable" house is a £750,000 Georgian terrace.

You’re right DH is wrong OP.

I worked in the property/mortgage industry for nearly 6 years and many places are rife with it/known for it here - I’m in the North. Whilst many places aren’t/are normal. It’s definitely a specialism of some areas.

We flaming well moved to a suburb like it (knowingly....and I bloody knew, Iwas just very seduced by a beautiful period house). I lived in a relatively middle class to wealthy but more rural village prior to this and it was a completely different atmosphere, people get dressed up to go walk their f’ing dogs here, full make up, coated in Tom Ford and wearing Moncler coats and pristine wellies to nip their dog out for a wee 😹.

Also I had to go to the hospital at Harrogate once (that is one of those areas), only place nearby that could do an EPAU app same day, obviously as I thought I’d been losing my baby for two days I looked like 💩, but was wearing nice clothes (not flashy at all as that’s not me but if you knew, you’d know IYSWIM), woman coming in as I’m coming out with what was clearly her daughter in wheelchair bleeding from the nose, women was dressed immaculately and despite her daughter being in a bit of a state found plenty of time to look me up and down, assess coat, have a good for the ring/watch. Give me several side eyes and then flounce past back staring at me letting me know she’d made her assessment and did not like it 😂😂.......even DH clocked it all and we were like FFS only in Harrogate!

@AlohaMolly

Where I live in north wales, money isn’t really a status thing. I moved to this village nearly five years ago and it’s certainly one of the only places where no one gives a toss that I’m ‘just’ a part time receptionist. I grew up in Essex but have lived my adult life in north wales and even at 18 I noticed a real difference in people’s attitudes to money.

This is really interesting...

I was born in England but moved to north Wales when I was young. I never felt any economic pressure and can't recall anyone ever being smug or judgy about money. I lived in quite a wealthy area (Menai/ Beaumaris) and still can't think of ever having those money conversations but I didn't realise that until I read your post.

I now live in a very popular and ever more expensive place to live in Northern Ireland just outside of Belfast and I can feel it more in small ways. There are two schools in the village, one a private one and one a grammar, there are definitely talks about where which child is found and dropping it into conversation, along with talk at the school gates about who has the new Tesla or someone is thinking of buying that new house listen on the seafront for £2.5m 🙄

Whtitjd Streatham is a great place to live. Very far from snobby but family orientated. Lovely properties, not overly expensive.