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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think only some areas are full of money obsessed people?

127 replies

Sellersremorse8 · 19/04/2021 19:34

Maybe an odd one?!

We’re moving soon and I said to DH “I’m looking forward to moving somewhere where people don’t talk about money all the time - how much x property sold for, how much x earns, how much x costs.”

DH said “Everywhere is like that! Money is status. People like to show off.”

I said the area we’re in now (“up-and-come” london) wasn’t like that before it became so pricey (we’ve been here a very, very long time). That’s because, I said, people didn’t get their self-worth from their earnings when it wasn’t such a wealthy place. DH thinks I’m romanticising it.

AIBU to think that in some places people don’t talk about money constantly?! Or does everyone, everywhere?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 20/04/2021 07:33

God, I don't find that with London at all. Everyone I know revels in the 'free' or cheap stuff here.

We love taking the bus up town for £1.50 and going to free exhibitions/galleries and buy as many 'cheap' theatre tickets we can afford.

Whenever it's to talk about house prices we are incredulous at the cost or how much they've risen - or at the moment how volatile it is.

ElephantsNest · 20/04/2021 07:34

I moved from a money obsessed area to one that is much less so and it’s a breath of fresh air to be removed from all that nonsense. It’s so boring. I want to talk about ideas, not the stuff I own ad nauseum.

Ellpellwood · 20/04/2021 07:39

Oh gosh yes, Harrogate is awful for this, and some parts of York!

BIoodyStupidJohnson · 20/04/2021 07:39

It’s a people thing, not an area thing. Although I think it manifests differently in different areas.

In my experience it’s unfulfilled people with low imagination who get overly caught up in status and money, to the detriment of everything else.

StayingHere · 20/04/2021 07:43

I don't find this in real life, and I'm from a fairly wealthy area in the South East. I don't talk about money with any of my close friends or acquaintances, it just isn't a thing.

HeronLanyon · 20/04/2021 07:49

I think a social mix is pretty essential to avoid this. I live in a street where there are 9million houses, a council block, some housing association properties, private rental, businesses etc. We do all speak to each other - there’s a pretty close community feel. I’ve never felt any particular interest in neighbours about what we do/earn/have.
I know a part of sw london well which is suffocatingly money/status driven by comparison. Very mono cultured which seems to ‘encourage’ competitive/flaunting-type living. Exhausting and odd IMO.

thecatsthecats · 20/04/2021 08:02

I have three key friend groups on WhatsApp - home friends, local friends and uni friends.

Only with my home friends does the topic of money come up. We're all quite well off from our careers, and though we're in largely different circumstances, there's a parity to our disposable income (for example the highest earner lives in London but has the highest outgoings, the lowest earner lives in the North East so has roughly the same disposable cash).

I find it useful to have a sounding board of people in a similar position that I can talk boring money stuff with without envy. In the other two groups I'm distinctly the top earner, and keep schtum on money matters - but then money doesn't get discussed very much in those groups.

Incognitool · 20/04/2021 08:06

I’ve never encountered this, despite living in very different places all over the world. Where we live now is an interestingly mixed area of tiny cottages, 1860s terraces and beautiful, enormous Georgian and Victorian houses in grounds that go down to the river — our immediate neighbours are architects, senior medics, a house share that appears to be inhabited entirely by Deliveroo workers, and a folk musician — and the houses are either total wrecks, or (after restoration) worth millions.

But virtually all the children go to the same nearby inner-city primary, which has a real mix of ethnicities and income levels. It’s one of the reasons we chose it. It has a nicely rackety air.

Blondiney · 20/04/2021 08:10

Twenty years ago there used to a be a minority of money hungry social climbers in my Cheshire village. Now it’s the majority. Hugely depressing for us few remaining ‘ordinaries’.

completelyclueless1 · 20/04/2021 08:19

100% When I lived in North Yorkshire it was lovely, there was none of that, even though there was obviously money sloshing about. The richest were in battered 20 year old Range Rovers. No one cared as long as you were interesting.

I live in Cheshire now and its the opposite. Everything comes back to money. I grew up here and until I moved away I didn't realise quite how bad it was.

completelyclueless1 · 20/04/2021 08:21

@Blondiney

Twenty years ago there used to a be a minority of money hungry social climbers in my Cheshire village. Now it’s the majority. Hugely depressing for us few remaining ‘ordinaries’.
Ohhh I wonder if we are near each other! I completely agree with you, its awful round here for it.
WalkinginMemphis2 · 20/04/2021 08:26

@completelyclueless1 @Blondiney I was going to come back on and say some parts of Cheshire are awful for it too. We’ve got several friends over there. It’s certainly concentrated to definite pockets.

WalkinginMemphis2 · 20/04/2021 08:29

Mmm I think that’s the difference @Incognitool obviously senior medics and architects are high earners, the high earning here though seems to come from much more spurious avenues.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 20/04/2021 08:31

I think this is more about the OPs social circle. I live in an gentrified bubble in a diverse area. It’s obvious there’s money here as only high earners can afford the houses now. However, it’s still socially mixed as there are council houses and in this part of London you will have people on UC and millionaires living in the same neighbourhood and their kids going to the same primary schools.

I have literally never had a conversation about earnings with anyone around here and nobody has told me what they earn either. Of course if someone’s driving a nice car, lives a certain house on a certain street. Is eating out in the local restaurants a lot and always has nice holidays booked you know they’re comfortable but nobody talks about it.

NursePye · 20/04/2021 08:46

This is one of the great things about living in deepest darkest Cornwall. No one gives a toss about where you work, how much you earn, what you wear (nearly everyone at the school gates when my DC were at primary school were in flip flops all year round) or what car you drive- or at least no one I have come across in 25 years living here.

Of course in MN world we are all pitch fork wielding Tory supporting racists Hmm.

In reality we mix with all sorts and contrary to MN beliefs there are loads of people living in our local town who have come here from all over the country who get on perfectly well with the true Cornish.

Second home owners on the other hand ... [Hmm

Scarby9 · 20/04/2021 08:52

@completelyclueless1 You are right, imo
North Yorkshire here, not Harrogate, and there is no money obsession or even thought given.

completelyclueless1 · 20/04/2021 10:23

[quote Scarby9]@completelyclueless1 You are right, imo
North Yorkshire here, not Harrogate, and there is no money obsession or even thought given.[/quote]
You lucky thing, best place in the world Grin

Whtitjd · 20/04/2021 10:31

If you live in London, which areas as nice but not money obsessed?

HeronLanyon · 20/04/2021 11:15

@Whtitjd sometimes it’s more about very small clusters of streets in London which are mixed and have a community feel. I’m in zone 1 and within a half mile radius can’t think of streets where there is this concern about status or why people do. Then I can start to think of streets a little further out with more density of striving middle//upper middle classes - less variety. But having said that if I lived there i might find there was more variety and community feel than is obvious to a non resident.
Think it is hyper local.

EvilPea · 20/04/2021 11:23

I know what you mean. DD’s secondary is in an area like that.
It’s painful. Everyone just seems to believe they have a level of entitlement over everyone else.

E.g
Local co-op, about 2.30. Young lad on the till says to the person behind me before they put their stuff on “I’m sorry I’m closing to go to lunch, could you use the other checkout?”
There was no queue at the other check out.
His response
“No” and put his stuff on so the poor lad had to wait.

People don’t let you out of junctions, they block you on roundabouts. It’s like all their common sense and politeness ran out as their bank balance filled up. I’ve known locals there and the first conversations are “which road do you live in” as they are sussing out how much richer you are or they are.

Go where you fit op. It’s much nicer.

Whtitjd · 20/04/2021 11:23

@HeronLanyon interesting. I also live in zone 1 and am truly fed up with everyone's obsessions about the right thing plus competitive parenting. As another PP said - everyone around me just talks about things rather than ideas. Ok am an academic so overly obsessed with ideas but still....... so am still searching for an area of London that is nice etc but where I can actually talk to people about ideas, life, experiences rather than the latest thing they got or how they swindled the admissions system to get into the right school

poppycat10 · 20/04/2021 11:25

@Marble2302

I don't find this in real life. On here it is very prominent. These forums seem to be full of people earning 100k+ a year and they like to brag as well.

It's crass to ask someone what they earn or how much their house cost.

You don't need to ask though. You can tell the difference between a big Surrey Hills house with a swimming pool and a 2 bed terrace in Aldershot.

Ditto the difference between the family with the handed-down Honda Jazz and the family with an expensive SUV.

Kisskiss · 20/04/2021 11:28

Isn’t it quite rude to discuss anything to do with money? How odd.. we used to have neighbourhood get-together and people just discussed crime, not how much they earned Confused if somebody sold their house for an extortionate amount, it would get mentioned, but not otherwise

poppycat10 · 20/04/2021 11:32

I've managed to reach my 50s without ever having a conversation where people brag about how much they earn, how expensive their house is, what labels they wear, what car they drive etc

It's not bragging, it's more subtle than that. For example, when ds was much younger he played football. We were the family with the handed down boring small car. We were definitely looked down upon by the other football parents who all had people carriers (SUVs were less of a thing at the time).

It was similar with the NCT group. There were 8 of us and we had the smallest house at the time. Some of them were very well off and they hung around together and didn't invite us. We had a reunion when the babies were a year old and didn't see them again. One of the couples got married and we were the only ones not invited to the wedding.

We've done much better since we made friends via hobbies where people get to know you the person and although they may see your car, they never see your house and may never know what you do for a living, either.

Some people are sadly very shallow.

poppycat10 · 20/04/2021 11:35

I live in Cheshire now and its the opposite. Everything comes back to money. I grew up here and until I moved away I didn't realise quite how bad it was

An ex-colleague lives in Cheshire and her son is a couple of years younger than mine. When he was about 10 her mother bought a new mobile phone and was given a tablet computer along with it. She offered it to him and he refused it because it wasn't Apple and he'd get laughed at at school. Even where I live the kids went to school with any old phone at the time.