To ban my parents from using mobile phones

[AndromedaGal]

I am fed up instructing my parents (in late 60's) how to use their mobiles. They don't even know how to turn the volume up properly, so all you hear when you call them is "Hello? Hello?...." Followed by an inevitable pause then, "Oh. Er, it doesn't appear to be working Pam. How do I........." and then lots of intermittent sounds as they randomly press buttons, followed by me being inevitably cut off. This has been going on for years. It's just painful.

They ring people inadvertently when they've stashed their phones in their back pockets because they don't know how to lock the keypads.
They send text messages to landlines.

They delete contacts, forget to turn them on when they're out and about (so what's the effing point having one) and lose them ALL.THE.TIME. And accessing the internet on their phones just causes a whole new level of trauma.

Why can't they learn the basic principles of mobile phone usage? They're intelligent and manage very well independently. But it's so exasperating as they don't always take their phones with them, and when they do, they have them turned off.

I think they should just stick to their landline TBH. Anyone else experience similar??

Example upthread of someone's father insisting that it would cost an arm and a leg to ring a mobile from a landline despite daughter's assurance that it doesn't. But will father listen or even check?

TBF we have a BT Anytime plan landline and whilst most landline calls are free for up to an hour, calls to mobiles do feel like they cost an arm and a leg!

However, I have unlimited minutes on my mobile deal so I should really use that for mobile calls but then the mobile signal at home isn't that reliable.

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

😆

It's makes me sad and frustrated in equal measure. My nan who was deaf wouldn't of been able to use a phone. She struggled with the TV remote and we had to cover most of the buttons on that. But it would have opened up her world. We could have messaged her all the time etc. Instead she was isolated in a world of silence. Makes me sad.
My own parents are now 70. They don't have the Internet!!! My mum won't entertain a smart phone, which is fine. Just a call/text phone. But covid showed me that this isn't enough. Other families were able to keep in touch over Skype and see the grandchildren etc and we couldn't because she doesn't have the technology and doesn't want it. She will also end up like my nan with no connection to the outside world if she becomes housebound.
My dad does have a smart phone, and uses it with mobile data. He only has a 1GB allowance a month and won't pay for more so uses the phone vary sparingly. He is constantly forgetting passwords and getting locked out of things. He says the phone does things not him. He is always ringing us for help. But won't listen, won't let me press things on the phone, and shouts at me. He also told me for many years that Facebook is for idiots. He now uses it more than anyone I know to argue with people about politics

Fully technically competent 67 year old here ..... there’s absolutely no reason they can’t get to grips with their phones, but some folks just don’t get it, especially smart phones with touch screens. I know plenty of much younger people who are just the same. Just call them on their land line if you want to talk to them.

@floofycroissant

Can you get them a mobile phone designed for the elderly, especially if the priority is getting in contact. A full smart Phone may just be a bit overwhelming for them.

"The elderly"? MN ageism strikes again. My late DM, in her late 80s, was as perfectly able to use tech as I am. It's learned helplessness OP. Not age.

Both parents also:

• keep the 'beeps' on the fucking keypad so it's 15 minutes of painstaking screen stabbing involving many spectacle changes or a stab-beep-peer at screen cycle over a hundred times just to arrange coffee with Aunty Betty. I turn it off for them but then it's back on when I see them again. How they've done this is don't know given I'll get a call to find out 'how to get out of an email'
• have the most obnoxious ringtone at the loudest volume. It will go off in a restaurant with a piercing screech and rather than silencing will again peer at the screen and pontificate about who might be calling (as they can't put numbers in contacts) until it just goes off
• shout down it like it's a bloody tin can on a string.

My mum in her 80s used a doro mobile. Got on with it fine. I have now inherited it and despite iPhones and iPads coming out of my ears it’s quite nice to have old style simple phone every now and then.

Oh dear, OP.
Sad to say, I am your parents in this scenario.
I'm late 60's and I've just bought my first smartphone, treated it to a shiny new case, with matching stylus, but haven't a clue what to do with it.
I only bought it as I could see that once lockdown eased, lots of things would require use of a smartphone to access - ordering meals and drinks to outdoor tables, paying for parking or entrance to places etc etc.
DH and I have no children or Grandchildren to show us how to do this stuff and are muddling through it between us as best we can.
I think the ability to grasp and understand this technology, depends on what your working life involved (no office based stuff for me - DH was in an office based role but had a PA who dealt with this).
It also takes us days and days to work stuff out if we come across an issue, and that in itself is soul destroying, not enjoyable and makes us reluctant to venture further into the unfamiliar.
We're currently going round and round in ever decreasing circles trying to access DH's tablet to install an app but getting nowhere as he's forgotten his Google password - all tips gratefully received.
I do think technology can be a wonderous thing - but only if you know what you're doing with it.

My mum refuses to ring me ( I don't have a land line) as I 'might be at work'.
I have stressed time and time again that we are allowed to take calls at work there's no problem but if I'm in a meeting or do something in particular I may not answer or even hear the phone but will know that she has called. She just doesn't get it. Its always the same ' I didn't like to bother you if in case you were busy.
The thing is I work shifts so I could be working any time from 7.30am to 11.00pm!

windedharpy Re forgetting a password there’s usually a small link (often in blue) on the sign in page which says ‘forgotten password?’ Click on that and they will send (to your email) an email which lets you reset (choose a new) password.

@HeronLanyon : Thank you. We tried that but Google just keeps taking us round and round the same few pages and we get no further.
And, it's this sort of thing that puts off us light users.
I'd rather be digging in the garden that tapping away at the same old thing, getting nowhere and raising my blood pressure.😊

I suspect that many of the older people who tell others they "do not understand" technology understand it perfectly well but dont want to be at the beck and call of acquaintances, neighbours and family members pestering them to do/attend to things. One of the best ways of getting out of doing stuff, not getting "involved" or hearing bad news it to be very difficult to contact. I can remember an NDN asking for my phone number and telling her in a scornful tone that information was for people who mattered to me and not "some random person who happened to live next door". It certainly showed her where she sat in my scheme of things.

If it's any consolation, when my grandad died back in the seventies, my gran didn't know how to use a payphone. She used to ring us but talk into the earpiece 😳

I took that language directly from the Age UK website on this link here. As I assumed there'd be some pedant on this thread. At no point did I refer to the OPs parents as elderly, but that is officially the name of the product category I was referring too.

HeronLanyon Try asking for help on Geeky Stuff topic. There is no shame in writing passwords down providing you keep them safe (I write them in my Bullet Journal which never leaves the house and I don't do online banking so that sort of thing can't be compromised). Once you're actually logged onto the device most systems give you the option of securely saving log-in passwords so it's rare that I actually have to look them up.

Thanks sweet I’m good with passwords. Was attempting to help other poster who was struggling. For some reason I feel the need to say I’m ok !!

@Wingedharpy Your local library might be able to help in more normal times! They often have computer classes and may have a drop-down "tech help" session. They're not all for "silver surfers"!

@Wingedharpy

Oh dear, OP. Sad to say, I am your parents in this scenario. I'm late 60's and I've just bought my first smartphone, treated it to a shiny new case, with matching stylus, but haven't a clue what to do with it. I only bought it as I could see that once lockdown eased, lots of things would require use of a smartphone to access - ordering meals and drinks to outdoor tables, paying for parking or entrance to places etc etc. DH and I have no children or Grandchildren to show us how to do this stuff and are muddling through it between us as best we can. I think the ability to grasp and understand this technology, depends on what your working life involved (no office based stuff for me - DH was in an office based role but had a PA who dealt with this). It also takes us days and days to work stuff out if we come across an issue, and that in itself is soul destroying, not enjoyable and makes us reluctant to venture further into the unfamiliar. We're currently going round and round in ever decreasing circles trying to access DH's tablet to install an app but getting nowhere as he's forgotten his Google password - all tips gratefully received. I do think technology can be a wonderous thing - but only if you know what you're doing with it.

@Wingedharpy - you are probably more competent than you think you are because you are on Mumsnet which in itself is "technology". I can certainly see the dilemma you face and can understand how difficult it must be, some of the things you need to do are relatively simple but if you do not know where to start then it can be soul destroying. Just a thought, are you on FB at all? I wonder if you belong to a local community page - I always find these type of pages really useful - maybe to post that you need some "training" on how to use your phone and whether there is anyone lovely and patient willing to spend an hour or two showing you the basics?

But as another user said, there is always a link under a login page that says "forgotten password" - if you click on there it will email you a link to reset it. We ALL forget our passwords at some point.

Good luck

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees

HeronLanyon Try asking for help on Geeky Stuff topic. There is no shame in writing passwords down providing you keep them safe (I write them in my Bullet Journal which never leaves the house and I don't do online banking so that sort of thing can't be compromised). Once you're actually logged onto the device most systems give you the option of securely saving log-in passwords so it's rare that I actually have to look them up.

If you don't do online banking but you do do online shopping and have contact less cards, please get an app or use telephone banking regularly. Twice I've averted serious problems with fraud. Be careful not to rely on a paper statement these days. X

Thank you to those trying to assist.
I am very grateful and I do use Mumsnet sometimes for help with this type of stuff - considering you all my adopted Daughters, Daughters-in-law, Grandchildren, Nieces, friends, relatives and Mothers!
I'm not a complete ludite but it can be difficult when it doesn't come naturally to you so I can well imagine, if I had children, I too wouldn't bother to try to sort it myself but would ask the kids when they visit, 'cos they know what they're doing.
Add into the mix, my lovely, completely clueless husband, with his Parkinsonian tremor, fiddling with the touchscreen, and you can well see why sometimes it's just easier not to bother.
But, we are being forced down this route, whether we like it or not and it does trouble me regarding future employment for folk and the damage that could be done my mischief meddlers.

Winged can I recommend 'LastPass'. It is a very very secure medium for storing passwords with one master password.

It manages your passwords for you, keeps them in a secure vault and what is brilliant is it generates the most secure passwords imaginable.

You will not lose passwords again because it automatically fills them in for you.

@Roussette : That looks interesting. Thank you.

My Mum who's 74 and partially sighted is mostly great with her tablet and phone, uses speech to text etc but she makes me laugh because she will only call my mobile from her mobile and my landline from her landline. She seems to have a block on the idea that you can call a mobile.from a landline.

I feel your pain. My in-laws wanted smart phones and me and dp have done our absolute best with them over the last few years, but got pretty much nowhere. I honestly think, in an emergency, FIL would struggle to actually make a basic call. He is lazy, basically, has been all his life and just expects someone (MIL, usually) to do everything for him.
They also cannot grasp that the Internet they can access on the phones is the same one they see on their ipad or laptop(FIL s reaction, whenever we tell him to Google something is still, as it has been for years, "oh, no I haven't, do you think they'll have a website?")

My father in law only has a mobile for emergencies and by emergencies I mean when he has an emergency he will switch his mobile on and call someone e.g. breakdown company.
However if he is out and someone else needs him in an emergency there is no way of getting hold of him 🤦‍♀️