To ban my parents from using mobile phones

[AndromedaGal]

I am fed up instructing my parents (in late 60's) how to use their mobiles. They don't even know how to turn the volume up properly, so all you hear when you call them is "Hello? Hello?...." Followed by an inevitable pause then, "Oh. Er, it doesn't appear to be working Pam. How do I........." and then lots of intermittent sounds as they randomly press buttons, followed by me being inevitably cut off. This has been going on for years. It's just painful.

They ring people inadvertently when they've stashed their phones in their back pockets because they don't know how to lock the keypads.
They send text messages to landlines.

They delete contacts, forget to turn them on when they're out and about (so what's the effing point having one) and lose them ALL.THE.TIME. And accessing the internet on their phones just causes a whole new level of trauma.

Why can't they learn the basic principles of mobile phone usage? They're intelligent and manage very well independently. But it's so exasperating as they don't always take their phones with them, and when they do, they have them turned off.

I think they should just stick to their landline TBH. Anyone else experience similar??

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

The thing is these "thick" ,"annoying" , eye roll worthy people have wiped your shit covered arses for years .

Assuming they're decent,loving parents how many hours have they spent teaching you how to hold a spoon? Tie shoe laces? Do up a button? How to wipe properly? Not to lick the pavement and eat off the floor? How much effort,time and money have they put in to ensure you had a good education,opportunities,access to technology etc. How many hours have they spent listening to inane chatter about nothing and everything?

It wasn't easy, it was like GroundHog day, frustrating and I'm sure they had better things to do too.

Now they're thick and idiots and "they're gonna get themselves blocked".

Honestly, this doesn’t stand up to any kind of scrutiny. They taught their kids these things because kids physically can’t do those things until someone has taught them. Adults can choose to go and learn independently if they wish. They may choose not to, but it’s a choice they’re making.

My mum takes her Kindle Fire out and complains that my phone works when we're out and about, but "hers" doesn't. We now call it "Internet in the house" and "Internet in the sky".
She doesn't get Facebook at all. She misreads stuff and twats people because she thinks they're being rude. This has caused a lot of trouble.
Example: She has an automatic translator on FB because we're not in the UK. She interrupted me at work to tell me my friend was telling everyone I was opening a "chip shop of creation" and that she was clearly taking the piss out of me. "Big time". She wanted to tell said friend off. I explained that there was no way my friend would post "chip shop of creation" (it's an arts and craft exhibition) and that it said, "Rate this translation" underneath it. She wouldn't have it. We both ended up really cross about it.

She's one of the brightest women I know... but with technolgy... fucking hell.

I'm in my early 40s and have no probs with my phone but I sometimes seek DDs advice on creating documents on a pc (and she showed me how to use instagram!) So its hypocritical of me to find lots of this quite amusing.

My DM is just like this. She's had a mobile of some kind for over 15 years - she's now mid-70s. She will not turn it on unless for a booked reason 'in case someone rings her on it' .
One memorable time about 6 years ago was travelling on train to meet her. I rang her on departure to say train had left on time and she had the arrival time. 90 min train journey then got significantly delayed partway into journey. Rang to tell her as I'd now miss connection. She'd turned mobile off as soon as spoken to me earlier. Train got further delayed and we then end up routed a different way. Still mobile off. I ended up ringing the train company contact centre who put a msg over the final destination station tannoy asking her to turn her mobile on.

I don't think it's ageist. My mum can run circles around me at most things. Cooking, DIY, grammar, education, history, general knowledge... everything.

One thing which annoys me sometimes but I recognise is a reasonable generational difference is that when my parents' phones ding or ring or tell them to jump, they answer immediately and ask how high. They would NEVER ignore a ringing phone and are APPALLED that I don't answer my phone immediately every time. Thing is, it's usually on silent. I'm not deliberately ignoring them, I just don't know it's ringing. I think it's fine to read a text and reply to it at a more convenient time. It's a fundamentally asynchronous communication. This is INCREDIBLY rude to them. But they grew up in an era when if you didn't answer the phone you just missed the call, and there wasn't the volume of trivial stuff flowing back and forth that there is now so it was important to catch someone when they rang.

I suppose the "it's for my convenience so Ill have it off all the time" thing has come full circle and now me and my peers think "it's for my convenience so I'll check it when I want to". My parents ARE the people who will be in the middle of ordering at Costa and if their phone rings will answer immediately and hold up the entire line while they have a conversation rather than let it ring and call back when they've got their coffee. I think that's much ruder than missing a call.

What annoys me is when they refuse to believe that I'm not ignoring them on purpose, and when they insist that I consider their schedule when sending them non-urgent messages (e.g. photo of the kids) as it's inconvenient for them to receive messages when they're eating lunch for example. Soz, this just results in no photos being sent because I don't want to memorise their diary and be told off if I text while they were in with the GP so they "missed it".

I’m in my 50s so lived and studied and worked before internet/pagers/organisers/home pcs/mobiles/smart phone etc etc etc.
Every now and then I find myself thinking ‘oh i can’t be bothered with x’ (currently a smart tv - have gizmo connecting my tv to broadband). Then I think ‘no heron, this is how the slow steady de-skilling starts and before you know it I’ll be way behind, don’t give up now when you’ve done so much - a whole lifetime of new stuff - keep going!’

Exactly the same. Speaking to my mum is painful. Just thinking about it is triggering anxiety tbh.

My mum and dad and stepdad are all great with theirs and they all have smartphones - all in their 70s. My dad won't touch FB though.

However... I rue the day my mum learned WhatsApp. She messages me all the live long day with crap, and gifs and memes, and it drives me fucking insane.

Last week, she messaged me and I read it and didn't reply as I was just leaving for work. 10 minutes later, I get this:-

???????

Makes me so angry!

Oh! And pray tell me this...

Why the fuck do they always have the tv on full blast in the background when they ring
"Hello...hello.. oh I can't hear you"

ITS BECAUSE YOUVE GOT THE FUXKING TV ON VOLUME 76! TURN THE FUCKER DOWN AND YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO HEAR ME

Ha your OP really made me laugh!

My mum (early 60's) does Facebook but shares total shite like "share if you hate cancer and Bill Gates will donate $1 to child cancer patients". She's an intelligent woman, why does she fall for this?!

And she doesn't proof read her messages to me. So what should read:

Best to call me at around 2pm as I'll have finished the food shop by then

Comes out as:

Busy to bill my at around 2pm as will gave finished the good ship my them

I end up mostly calling her saying "you what mother" and she's all "oh silly me I must check my messages before I send". 3 years later it's no different

@PerspicaciousGreen

One thing which annoys me sometimes but I recognise is a reasonable generational difference is that when my parents' phones ding or ring or tell them to jump, they answer immediately and ask how high. They would NEVER ignore a ringing phone and are APPALLED that I don't answer my phone immediately every time. Thing is, it's usually on silent. I'm not deliberately ignoring them, I just don't know it's ringing. I think it's fine to read a text and reply to it at a more convenient time. It's a fundamentally asynchronous communication. This is INCREDIBLY rude to them. But they grew up in an era when if you didn't answer the phone you just missed the call, and there wasn't the volume of trivial stuff flowing back and forth that there is now so it was important to catch someone when they rang.

I suppose the "it's for my convenience so Ill have it off all the time" thing has come full circle and now me and my peers think "it's for my convenience so I'll check it when I want to". My parents ARE the people who will be in the middle of ordering at Costa and if their phone rings will answer immediately and hold up the entire line while they have a conversation rather than let it ring and call back when they've got their coffee. I think that's much ruder than missing a call.

What annoys me is when they refuse to believe that I'm not ignoring them on purpose, and when they insist that I consider their schedule when sending them non-urgent messages (e.g. photo of the kids) as it's inconvenient for them to receive messages when they're eating lunch for example. Soz, this just results in no photos being sent because I don't want to memorise their diary and be told off if I text while they were in with the GP so they "missed it".

They are of a generation when people only used the phone for occasional catch ups and emergencies. As opposed to the inane endless conversations so many people have nowadays (usually in public, always loudly).

@Operasinger

I've been told it's not ageist

No it's not. FGS LIGHTEN UP

Yes, lets all laugh heartily at those older than us, excellent way to behave.

I think some of them are younger than me and I think it's funny.

This isn't an 'all old people are techno dinosaurs' thread.
This is a 'my mum/dad are techno dinosaurs and they're driving me nuts' thread.

Err... 60's is not that old. My parents are both in their 60's and are brilliant at everything IT. They also walk 20kms a day (not an exaggeration). Even my grandparents their 80's could work a mobile phone and a laptop.

My nan is 81. Has a mobile, ipad, laptop and a kindle. She does really well until she gets a new one and needs it set up. Apart from that she's fine. She always turns her mobile data off as she's worried about bills which actually is quite sensible if you're not sure. She emails, texts sends mms messages. We did zoom once but that was a stretch too far. She's good with Skype though

This thread is the best thing I've ever read 😂😂

I thought my gran was bad but this thread has made me feel so much better. Few of her gems include:
-Talking her through copy and paste...took me 2 hours 🙈
-Every time she's stuck with something on her iPad she face times me, then 'shows' me the iPad....with the wrong camera.
-I've had plenty of close ups of her ear.
-She recently upgraded her sky. She couldn't delete a program as it said it was still playing. She was adamant it wasn't. It was, took me 3 calls and just over an hour to explain it 😂

Every time we visit she's always got something to ask me or DH how to do or fix 🙈

My grandad was ok but was a nightmare with passwords. It's couldn't just be 'Password1' it had to be 'P3s5W0rd1' obviously he used other words not password and they were all a minimum of 15 characters long. He passed away at the beginning of May and we've had to factory reset things or spend hours trying about 20 passwords to gain access to everything.

I didn't want a smartphone; I didn't need a smartphone. I had a laptop and email, a landline and a Nokia for emergencies. In fact a smartphone would be mainly detrimental to my life.
And it has been detrimental - work emails no matter what time or where I am, and wasting far too much time faffing on t'internet.
However, I have seen my parents dropping off technology and getting left out of things as a result. I do need a smartphone, and I will need to upgrade to whatever the next new technology is, in order to ensure I don't get left behind.

They would NEVER ignore a ringing phone

I would never ignore a ringing phone either. When DD rings me from university it is because she urgently needs to talk to me. When we were selling MIL's house we didn't want to ignore solicitor/estate agent phone calls. My background is telesales, so answering the phone is just about ingrained in me now.

We rarely get phone calls these days though.

My grandmother is 90. There's nothing she can't do with her Samsung Galaxy! She's a whizz. She's also active on FB.

Her Chromebook, however, seems to be stumping her.

Sorry I haven't read the previous comments, but, aaarrrghhhh!!! I hear ya!!!

My dad's 80 this year im 32 so I have tried to explain its not a fricking walkie talkie .
By the time he has moved the phone from his ear to mouth and back like you would a walkie talkie he has missed what you have said and says " gone again useless !"

He also had a phone that we set the SOS button up , 3 contacts me , mum and brother !! He leans on it all the time and unless someone assists him and presses the SOS button manually it keeps calling you ... Even if you answer !

Countless times I have rushed to the stables expecting him to be squashed by one of the horses to find him happily shovelling sh*t!

Omg this sounds exactly like my late DM used to be! She did all of those things you've mentioned,plus one other,that made me laugh. She couldn't get her head around the idea that a mobile phone could call a landline,and vice-versa. You had to call like from like.

My folks are in their mid-70s, and not bad. My dad is much more of a mobile user, and can hack about to just about anything, whereas my mum uses ‘the laptop’. They manage internet banking, flights, insurance, WhatsApp, FaceTime, etc. So, between them, they can do it all.
However, my mum seems to think her phone has wronged her in some way, the vigour she puts into stabbing at it with her finger, instead of just touching the screen!!

I’ve got a relative in her 60s with learning disabilities, and we got her the Doro flip phone. You can only call/text (but she can’t read, so only uses it for calls). The flip is preferable for her, as it ends calls/locks when you close it. I think it was about £40, and we’ve put a PAYG sim into it. Works well.

I can also remember my DM getting in a flap every time my phone pinged with a text or email. 'Aren't you going to answer that?' she'd say. Yes,mum,at my convenience. I think she thought it would disappear if I didn't reply within a few seconds.