To ban my parents from using mobile phones

[AndromedaGal]

I am fed up instructing my parents (in late 60's) how to use their mobiles. They don't even know how to turn the volume up properly, so all you hear when you call them is "Hello? Hello?...." Followed by an inevitable pause then, "Oh. Er, it doesn't appear to be working Pam. How do I........." and then lots of intermittent sounds as they randomly press buttons, followed by me being inevitably cut off. This has been going on for years. It's just painful.

They ring people inadvertently when they've stashed their phones in their back pockets because they don't know how to lock the keypads.
They send text messages to landlines.

They delete contacts, forget to turn them on when they're out and about (so what's the effing point having one) and lose them ALL.THE.TIME. And accessing the internet on their phones just causes a whole new level of trauma.

Why can't they learn the basic principles of mobile phone usage? They're intelligent and manage very well independently. But it's so exasperating as they don't always take their phones with them, and when they do, they have them turned off.

I think they should just stick to their landline TBH. Anyone else experience similar??

@Doghead

Oh I hear ya! My dad bought a mobile.....took great delight in telling me all about it. Then when I rang it and couldn't get through he told me it was on top of the living room unit, switched off so they didn't have to keep charging it all the time 😂

And he still refuses to ring people's mobiles from his home phone because he thinks 'it costs an arm and a leg'

Doesn't it cost more to phone a mobile from a landline?

@3CCC

*PuppyMonkey * Both my parents have lots of Facebook profiles because they tried it a decade ago and can't remember the passwords or what email addresses they used. Now they have started using it more I get so confused which profile is their live one.

That'll be becuase you're getting older.....y'know....confused and all that....

PIL are wilfully ignorant when it comes to tech. Mid-70s.

We tried to Zoom them during lockdown but could only see two spectral apparitions peering at the screen. I immediately said to DH and PIL, 'take the sticker off the camera, it is not there to 'protect the camera''. After 10 minutes of faffing they finally revealed themselves. They don't listen to me because (a) I don't exist and (b) MIL is Cluster B to the max

Belle cluster B?
Willfully ignorant does suggest exercising choice which you are allowed to do even in your 70s.....

I wouldn't expect an infant to be able to change their own nappies

Classic

Don’t get me started on FB..........

@Operasinger

I've been told it's not ageist

No it's not. FGS LIGHTEN UP

Yes, lets all laugh heartily at those older than us, excellent way to behave.

I mean, my DM laughed heartily at my DD trying to use a a record player for the first time. Was that ageist too?

@Tlollj

And the fucking thing changes my correctly spelled words to gobbledegook.

Happens to me too and I am under 50

Spellchecker is great on the whole, but sometimes it goes off on one. This morning, I mentioned the ground was "rutted" and it changed it to "fitted"...

remember the zx81, anyone

yes I had one. Not sure why? My dad bought it for me when I was 8. I don't think I quite knew why at the time, it was so rubbish! I was able to set it up so it said
hello
hello
hello
hello
hello
hello

Not sure if you could do anything more sophisticated on it!

I certainly remember the ZX Spectrum and the fast finger training that was Daley Thompson's Decathlon....

I am 74-years-old. I can't remember the last time I used my landline. I bought a mobile in 1996 and still have the same number, but I've had lots of different phones. I use my mobile for Facebook, email, searching the internet etc. It is a mobile hotspot for my laptop and tablet. It is in my pocket now and I am seldom away from it.

My Dad in his 80s got an iPhone recently. He can now WhatsApp, text, join family zooms, do his online shopping, check the weather and news, email, take photos and forward them, google anything and so on. All self taught in a few months with NO help from us, he just put his mind to it and decided to give it a go. It's attitude, not age per se.

@Paul72

I am 74-years-old. I can't remember the last time I used my landline. I bought a mobile in 1996 and still have the same number, but I've had lots of different phones. I use my mobile for Facebook, email, searching the internet etc. It is a mobile hotspot for my laptop and tablet. It is in my pocket now and I am seldom away from it.

Can you please just stop it with smashing the stereotypes.....it really is very tiresome .....

@Cushionsnotpillows

My Dad in his 80s got an iPhone recently. He can now WhatsApp, text, join family zooms, do his online shopping, check the weather and news, email, take photos and forward them, google anything and so on. All self taught in a few months with NO help from us, he just put his mind to it and decided to give it a go. It's attitude, not age per se.

Your dad is clearly a freak....you seriously need to keep an eye on him

My mum thought she would treat herself and upgrade her phone. Little did she realize that getting it sent to her meant that she would have to set it up herself. I don't live in the same country as her, and so I get a phonecall from her land-line asking me to talk her through how to set it up. I say the phonecall is going to cost a fortune so we need to rather do it over Skype. So then I had to explain how to set up Skype so I could see the phone she was trying to set up. After a full day of nothing quite coming together, I suggested she just it back in the box and go into the shop the next day. Which she did. So, all is great. Except that she has an iPhone and I have an android and she can only FaceTime and not whatsapp video call. I don't quite know why she can't grasp whatsapp video call but FaceTime is OK. And whatsapp messages she managed fine. We tried it. She connected to me for about 2 seconds then I have no clue what she did. Then she called back and all I could see was her ear. Cue me saying mum turn the phone and look at it, like FaceTime. Nope. So I just message her now and send voice notes so she can listen but she can't do those back. I've tried and given up on that one too. She suggested I go buy myself an iPad so she can see me. 😂. Love her to bits but my goodness it's frustrating.

@isthismylifenow

My mum thought she would treat herself and upgrade her phone. Little did she realize that getting it sent to her meant that she would have to set it up herself. I don't live in the same country as her, and so I get a phonecall from her land-line asking me to talk her through how to set it up. I say the phonecall is going to cost a fortune so we need to rather do it over Skype. So then I had to explain how to set up Skype so I could see the phone she was trying to set up. After a full day of nothing quite coming together, I suggested she just it back in the box and go into the shop the next day. Which she did. So, all is great. Except that she has an iPhone and I have an android and she can only FaceTime and not whatsapp video call. I don't quite know why she can't grasp whatsapp video call but FaceTime is OK. And whatsapp messages she managed fine. We tried it. She connected to me for about 2 seconds then I have no clue what she did. Then she called back and all I could see was her ear. Cue me saying mum turn the phone and look at it, like FaceTime. Nope. So I just message her now and send voice notes so she can listen but she can't do those back. I've tried and given up on that one too. She suggested I go buy myself an iPad so she can see me. 😂. Love her to bits but my goodness it's frustrating.

Do you think she maybe finds it a bit frustrating too that you can't explain it so that she can get it?

Not meaning to be rude isthis but just an alternative perspective......

@CheeseCakeSunflowers

I'm 60 and I am fine with mobiles and the internet. My DH likes to make out it's all too hard, so do my SIL & BIL who are 10 years older.I think they think it's easier to let someone else sort everything out. It drives me mad as they still want the benefits of things like online shopping but expect someone else, often me, to do it all. I now just say I've shown you how and leave them to it then ignore all the huffing and puffing that follows. I know plenty of other people in their 70's and 80's who can manage fine so I think it is more about attitude than age.

I totally agree with this. Learned helplessness!

There is absolutely no human reason why anyone who is older can't keep up with tech other than their own ideas that they 'aren't good with technology' which means they rely on other people and then progressively get more and more out of touch.

It drives me mad and gives older people a bad rep!

What ageist claptrap. In their sixties, so get them a special phone for the elderly?
Perhaps they simply don’t place as much value on instantaneous responses and constant contact as you do.
I’m nearer in age to them that the OP. I’ve managed to build our company website from scratch. Age is not a barrier to brains.

My dad once managed to share every photo I'd ever posted on FB instead of liking a pic
Totally denied it of course except there they were, all over my feed, shared by Tinysenior

Oh I feel your pain!!!!!! My parents are 65, they insist on having a iPhone each (to be fair they have had them for years & years) but they only use it for the most basic functions possible. My mum is constantly sending me screenshots of things she wants me to order for her rather than links for me to just click. They never lock them, they don't have iCloud set up and yet have a shit fit during upgrade time (which they wait until their phones barely turn on to do) don't get started on software updates! Urgh.

Some old people and technology... My parents are the same age as yours and while they're perfectly tech savvy with many things, sometimes I get the absolute rage over their refusal to be taught something they want to learn how to do. I can walk them through something, write instructions down for them, even include highlighted screenshots of where the buttons are - and they just ignore the instructions and tell me they can't do it! Seriously, late sixties is not elderly. I cannot believe they have experienced such a cognitive decline that they are unable to follow step by step instructions. Do they get a perverse pleasure out of their incompetence?

The thing that drives me bananas is when they insist that not only can they not do something, but that it cannot be done . I have a quick Google and say I've figured it out, shall I show them? No no, they say, it isn't possible . They then spend some time slagging off the manufacturer for having produced a product which can't even do Basic Thing A. But it can!!!

My mother can buy things internationally from eBay, but she has decided that it is impossible to increase the font size on her phone so she can read texts without her glasses. She can make a badass spreadsheet but will not understand how to unsubscribe from email mailing lists and prefers to complain about how much junk email she gets.

I regard it now as a choice to be frustrated and unhappy which I will never be able to understand. They are capable of learning this stuff and following instructions. They are choosing to be incompetent. Until I'm 70 and my children want me to use one of the new virtual reality headsets to book my train tickets...

@Blueblueblur okay, I take my post back because your absolutely correct! And showing someone how to text is nothing compared to what they have taught me! Thank you!

Addendum: another common infuriating theme with parents and technology is their insistence that their children must be wrong about something which is not very technical and is proveable. Example upthread of someone's father insisting that it would cost an arm and a leg to ring a mobile from a landline despite daughter's assurance that it doesn't. But will father listen or even check? Nope.

I get this all the time with my parents, refusing to believe that I know more than them about something tech-related.