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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want kids after 30?

387 replies

Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 08:54

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

OP posts:

XiCi · 19/04/2021 11:00

Given the number of kids who rely on grandparents for childcare, I’m glad I’ll be able to retire when DD has a family, I’ll be able to help her out in a way my parents couldn’t
I had dd at 39. Shes 10 now and still has 2 sets of active grandparents who are very present in her life, have her overnight, take her on trips etc. My mum and mil shared childcare between them when she was a baby and I went back to work. So it's not a given that children born to mums in their 30s don't have their grandparents.

SunshineCake · 19/04/2021 11:03

I just don't get why this would even warrant much thinking time tbh.

I had a plan related to children. It wasn't something that I was able to carry out. End of.

loveheartss · 19/04/2021 11:03

I feel the same as you OP. I'm also 26, have a 1 year old and pregnant with number 2 (as long as all hopefully goes well) I will be stopping and 30 was also what I had in my head as a cut off point too!

I'm not sure why, I think I like the idea that when I am 40 I will have teenagers and probably not be wanting to go through the young stages again, not sure. Also, I am knackered as it is now, I cannot imagine that woud get easier the older I get.

I have a reference point too, my mum had me and my sister in her early 20s and my younger siblings late 30s/early 40s. I think she has found round 2 much more taxing on her body truthfully.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 19/04/2021 11:05

@XiCi

Given the number of kids who rely on grandparents for childcare, I’m glad I’ll be able to retire when DD has a family, I’ll be able to help her out in a way my parents couldn’t I had dd at 39. Shes 10 now and still has 2 sets of active grandparents who are very present in her life, have her overnight, take her on trips etc. My mum and mil shared childcare between them when she was a baby and I went back to work. So it's not a given that children born to mums in their 30s don't have their grandparents.

I think the point was the poster is saying she can look after her grandkids because her DD was older when she had them.

If say your mum had you at 30 then you had a baby at 39, your mum is only 69 and in a far better position to care for you wing retired and not yet elderley.

Unlike someone who had a child at 25, who had a child between 25-30 whose parents still have 10 years of working life left

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/04/2021 11:08

@WorraLiberty

XiCi · 19/04/2021 11:10

Ah ok, I get it now, thanks JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows. I'm still a bit bleary from my first visit to a pub beer garden yesterday

Swimmum78 · 19/04/2021 11:12

Ok I'll bite. I'm so glad I waited until after 30 to have my children. As a. I hadn't actually met anyone I wanted children with until then and b. I got to travel the world for 2 years (and met my husband and father of children on travels).

However I couldn't give a shiny shit what anyone else does. Who does?

midnightstar66 · 19/04/2021 11:13

I think the point was the poster is saying she can look after her grandkids because her DD was older when she had them.

I assumed this too, I was 30 and 33 when I had dc and even if they wait til 30 to have theirs I'll
probably still be working. It's doubtful I'll be able to afford to retire at 60.

eurochick · 19/04/2021 11:13

I couldn't think of anything worse FOR ME than having children before 30. I wanted to focus on my career, have fun and travel. So I did.

DisgruntledPelican · 19/04/2021 11:15

It’s your choice, yes. It’s been chosen and cannot be undone. We’re all different though, I would have hated to have two kids in my mid-20s!

LST · 19/04/2021 11:17

Well I didnt want kids after my 2nd at 23. So yanbu. But yabu for starting a goady thread about it. Everyone is different.

80sMum · 19/04/2021 11:17

Of course YANBU. It's your decision to make.

GrumpyHoonMain · 19/04/2021 11:19

Given the number of kids who rely on grandparents for childcare, I’m glad I’ll be able to retire when DD has a family, I’ll be able to help her out in a way my parents couldn’t

None of my friends who had kids young are trusted with regular childcare by their older kids. They frequently get sidelined for other older role models (aunts and uncles, in laws) their kids feel they have more in common with. But I appreciate in many cases my friends who had kids young didn’t always look after their kids properly. But even then I can see how much it hurts them that they’re ready, willing, and able to take care of grandkids but aren’t trusted.

Twoforthree · 19/04/2021 11:19

I wouldn't have wanted kids before 30 but it's horses for courses.

ddl1 · 19/04/2021 11:20

Why would this be U? If you said nobody over 30 should ever have kids, that would be U. But otherwise, it's your personal decision!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/04/2021 11:20

Very much a personal choice so of course the yanbu to stop.

More interesting is the fact you think anyone would expect you to carry on beyond two children. People really have to think in terms on two as a maximum going forward!

herecomesthsun · 19/04/2021 11:21

You are totally not unreasonable. Just as people who have kids in their 40s aren't unreasonable.

Life doesn't have to be the same for everyone.

Woeismethischristmas · 19/04/2021 11:22

I didn’t want kids before 30 and 35 was my personal cut off point. Individual choice surely. I do think the nhs should be better at listening to women about sterilisation.

Lesemeraudes · 19/04/2021 11:26

Can you please explain why you have posted this. It's weird. If you had said "I think women over 30 who have babies are all mad" that would have been perhaps a discussion. This isn't. Why should anybody care? Are you one of those people who thinks alot about what others think of them, and goes on about people "judging"? I find that sort of person very tiresome and self centred and they are rarely as interesting as they think they are. Perhaps this is not you, but it's the only reason I can think why anybody would post this.

WhySoSensitive · 19/04/2021 11:30

What on earth was the point of this thread?

You haven’t even made it discussion worthy.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 19/04/2021 11:33

How is it unreasonable? You have kids whenever ie right for you, whether that's 25 or 45. Personally I wouldn't have had them before 25 as I wanted to go travelling, go to uni, get a career and own my own home and provide for my kids, at 22/23 I would have ended up not providing for them myself, it would probably have been benefits providing for them. But that was my situation, I understand people are different. I have friends who had her kids at 43 and 44 and is a fab mum, I have a friend who had her only kid at 17 and is also a fab mum. You do you.

SnowAllSpring · 19/04/2021 11:33

What the fuck is the point of this stupid thread?

dottiedaisee · 19/04/2021 11:34

And your point is?

wesowereonabreak · 19/04/2021 11:35

It's your life, who cares?

I can't think of anything worst than having kids before 30, so what? It's my life too . Pretty sure it's ok not to want kids at all frankly.

MediocreButter · 19/04/2021 11:35

@araiwa

Yes. 30 kids is enough

😂

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