Who pays?

[Imfinallyhappy1]

Have had my niece (11) for a day at the park. We parked and as it was crowded said to my ds and dn be careful opening car doors please.

Dn and ds acknowledged and then dn Flung open her door and has hit a gorgeous merc beside us.

We were all wtf and she said sorry I didn't think.

There was approx 5 seconds between the warning and her opening the door.

I've left a note for the car owner and taken pictures.

Dn lives with my dsis and my parents. My mum said they will pay but my dad has said he's pissed off and I should pay?

Aibu? If my kids damaged someone's property even if they were with someone else I wouldn't expect them to pay.

Depending on the car and where the owner wants to take it this could be anything from £50 to a new door skin.

If it’s a new car on lease prepare for an insurance job, if something older with a more relaxed owner it may be very cheap.

You were responsible for her at that point in time so IMO you’re liable for her costs... but just let insurance pay it

Either way I’d never ever take her with you again.

She's a child that made a mistake, ffs 🙄

I wouldn't be expecting to pay for that and I'd think sister or insurance company should pay. But I don't let kids open their doors because of this. I remember doing this myself as a child and bashing someone's car door, my mum went mad. I've never forgotten it, clearly, as the thought makes me cringe!

I think you should offer to pay but if I was the sister I’d offer to pay.

The best option is 50/50. You pay half and your sister pays half.

I don’t think your sister should be obliged to pay though.

I would pay as she was in my care
Would not want to risk a fall out with my sister over something like this

@abeanbaked

Either way I’d never ever take her with you again.

She's a child that made a mistake, ffs 🙄

I wouldn't be expecting to pay for that and I'd think sister or insurance company should pay. But I don't let kids open their doors because of this. I remember doing this myself as a child and bashing someone's car door, my mum went mad. I've never forgotten it, clearly, as the thought makes me cringe!

She is , but I can see the point.

If the family think like PP and treat OP like this I wouldn't be rushing either.

@user1487194234

I would pay as she was in my care Would not want to risk a fall out with my sister over something like this

If the sister would fall out with her for expecting her to pay, tough

The dad is happy to fall out with OP so that's that tells you who is favoured here.

My goodness she's 11 and everyone is acting like she was 21 and drunk or something.

Was there actually any substantial damage or just a little knock? Blimey people are precious about their cars. Someone opened their car door into me when I was sitting in it, and although I gave them a hard stare, I am not sure they even noticed they'd done it. I'm not sure there was even a mark in the end, but I accept cars are to be used, not to sit around looking pretty and unmarked (more difficult to do when you lease a car that has to be given back in unfeasibly perfect condition I know).

My sister lives with my parents and it’s all very close knit iyswim.

I shall see what happens and if the merc owner gets in contact. I can’t afford to pay and with insurance it would be so very disheartening to see my ncd be reduced, however if I need to pay I will. Just stings when I know my dsis and parents can pay and I really can’t afford too.

Thank you everyone.

No they aren't. Nobody is letting any accountability fall on DN of her mother. It's all on OP.

DN should be paying for it, or her parents. Tell her she can do odd jobs to earn the money. 11 is well old enough to know better, especially after a warning.

@Imfinallyhappy1

My sister lives with my parents and it’s all very close knit iyswim.

I shall see what happens and if the merc owner gets in contact. I can’t afford to pay and with insurance it would be so very disheartening to see my ncd be reduced, however if I need to pay I will. Just stings when I know my dsis and parents can pay and I really can’t afford too.

Thank you everyone.

How old is your sister ? Why can't she pay ?

I really feel for you OP.

I think the way your family and PP are behaving about this is disgusting.

I would never expect my sister to pay for damage my child did. If I were you sister, I would pay.

And to the poster who said:

Why did you not tell her to wait and go around and hold the door for her or get her to get out the other side?

Surely you don't go around and hold doors open for 11 year olds? I mean, in this case an accident happened, but generally 11 year olds should be able to safely get out of a parked car in a car park.

I accept cars are to be used, not to sit around looking pretty and unmarked

May as well just go around keying them then eh?

That's what your insurance is for. She's 11, these things happen. It all sounds a bit dramatic.

Sister hasn't even said anything

Father has had a go at OP.

Says it all.

@LaceyBetty

I would never expect my sister to pay for damage my child did. If I were you sister, I would pay.

And to the poster who said:

Why did you not tell her to wait and go around and hold the door for her or get her to get out the other side?

Surely you don't go around and hold doors open for 11 year olds? I mean, in this case an accident happened, but generally 11 year olds should be able to safely get out of a parked car in a car park.

I'm not surprised she couldn't manage when her mother is as pathetic as she is and is getting her dad to pay her bills and tell off OP.

Personally I would say you should pay. she was with you when it happened and was your responsibility!

My son smashed my sisters phone whilst at my parents house (he dropped it). They paid as I wasn’t there and they shouldn’t have let him play with it - I don’t let him play with my phone.that was on them.

I absolutely would not pay or offer to ruin my ncd! Your sister should be paying, not your parents, but I understand how that isn't really your fight to have, I also have a favoured sibling. Assuming she is neurotypical, 11 is old enough to know and follow an instruction given less than 5 seconds earlier.

@Imfinallyhappy1 A lot of posters are being very hard on you. There was nothing you could've done to prevent this .
You warned your DN and the child made a mistake.
As the child can't pay the buck stops with its parents.

Tell them to pay - or stop taking your niece out.

@MummytoCSJH

I absolutely would not pay or offer to ruin my ncd! Your sister should be paying, not your parents, but I understand how that isn't really your fight to have, I also have a favoured sibling. Assuming she is neurotypical, 11 is old enough to know and follow an instruction given less than 5 seconds earlier.

It is her fight when her dad is making it hers.

@Charsee01

Personally I would say you should pay. she was with you when it happened and was your responsibility!

My son smashed my sisters phone whilst at my parents house (he dropped it). They paid as I wasn’t there and they shouldn’t have let him play with it - I don’t let him play with my phone.that was on them.

@Charsee01 Out of curiosity - how do you think the OP could've prevented this? I don't think it's any of the adults' fault here ...

It's an interesting one because if the age of the child. An 11yo should be aware and practiced enough at exiting cars to get this right. Especially with a warning. But not all 11yos would be so sensible. You know your DN.

The other thing is the familial power / financial dynamic. You're either the rich one, or the sensible sibling. You sister the ditzy one who's coddled.

Imagine if your child, or her child, did this when travelling in the car of an unrelated friend or acquaintance. That gives you your answer about the right thing to do. (I think or hope we'd all be falling over ourselves not just to offer but actually to pay, in that instance. Especially since a warning was given).

Your sister should pay, it's her child that has caused the damage !

I'd have drove of