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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays?

327 replies

Imfinallyhappy1 · 18/04/2021 14:01

Have had my niece (11) for a day at the park. We parked and as it was crowded said to my ds and dn be careful opening car doors please.

Dn and ds acknowledged and then dn Flung open her door and has hit a gorgeous merc beside us.

We were all wtf and she said sorry I didn't think.

There was approx 5 seconds between the warning and her opening the door.

I've left a note for the car owner and taken pictures.

Dn lives with my dsis and my parents. My mum said they will pay but my dad has said he's pissed off and I should pay?

Aibu? If my kids damaged someone's property even if they were with someone else I wouldn't expect them to pay.

OP posts:
Thewinterofdiscontent · 18/04/2021 15:43

You can’t even tiny repairs done these days ( unless you know someone in the trade) without it costing £1,000’s . As everybody demands repairs claim on insurance.garages charge huge amounts.
You can only hope the Merc driver knows someone who can do it cheap and you get a bill that way.
You’ll have to get it done on you insurance and her mum pays the excess.
Accidents happen.

Cameleongirl · 18/04/2021 15:45

I agree that your sister should pay. You warned your DN and she's 11, not a small child.

I'd immediately offer to pay if one of my children damaged someone's car, there's no way I'd allow you to take a hit on your insurance.

Lou98 · 18/04/2021 15:47

@Imfinallyhappy1

My sister lives with my parents and it’s all very close knit iyswim.

I shall see what happens and if the merc owner gets in contact. I can’t afford to pay and with insurance it would be so very disheartening to see my ncd be reduced, however if I need to pay I will. Just stings when I know my dsis and parents can pay and I really can’t afford too.

Thank you everyone.

In your case if the merc owner accepts sorting it privately then yeah I would be inclined to let them pay.

However, the other car owner might not want to and may want to go through the insurance, in which case as it was your car that did the damage it would need to be your insurance the claim was on, which yes would mean you would lose your ncd and would have to pay your excess if you have one.

Hold off and see what the other owner wants to do and how much it's likely to cost, it could end up being more than you think as even with it being just a chip, there could be damage you couldn't see or it could be a custom paint colour etc which they would want fixed which adds up. I would say your Dsis should pay really. It would be different if she was a young child or if you were parked too close etc but it doesn't sound like either of those apply

mrsm43s · 18/04/2021 15:48

You were the one supervising, so ultimately your responsibility, you pay.

Butwasitherdriveway · 18/04/2021 15:48

@mrsm43s

You were the one supervising, so ultimately your responsibility, you pay.
Not true.
VettiyaIruken · 18/04/2021 15:50

It happened on your watch. You pay.

Tossblanket · 18/04/2021 15:51

Why on earth should you pay? Or have your premiums increase because your Insurance pays? She’s 11 - old enough to acknowledge her mistake, and to take responsibility for it

Yeah, right on.

Make that little fucker pay 😕

Butwasitherdriveway · 18/04/2021 15:51

@VettiyaIruken

It happened on your watch. You pay.
Wasn't her watch though is it? She's not a childminder. She did a nice thing by taking her niece out for the day. If I was her I wouldn't want to bother again.
willowisps · 18/04/2021 15:51

@Laiste

Re: driving off, if it was on CCTV and the merc owner got hold of it it would then be 100% OP taking the hit. Plus her future insurance premiums.
If they got the CCTV. The police wouldn't even look at the CCTV when my car was hit by another who drove off and cost me 2k in damage. Even when I saw another driver hit my car (reversed into my parked car when I was walking back to it) my insurance company tried to put my premiums up, they claimed off the other driver and tried to charge me £50 a year more. I now have a new insurance company.
Cameleongirl · 18/04/2021 15:51

I couldn't live with myself knowing that my sister was taking a financial hit on her insurance, because of something daft that my child did. I'd feel so guilty. Especially as the OP really can't afford it.

Butwasitherdriveway · 18/04/2021 15:52

@Cameleongirl

I couldn't live with myself knowing that my sister was taking a financial hit on her insurance, because of something daft that my child did. I'd feel so guilty. Especially as the OP really can't afford it.
I couldn't be a fully grown man allowing my daughter to shoulder costs she can't afford just cause I didn't want the other one to have to pay.
osbertthesyrianhamster · 18/04/2021 15:52

Do a nice thing for your sister and niece, pay up hundreds and take a hit on your insurance.

Cameleongirl · 18/04/2021 15:53

@Butwasitherdriveway Who should pay then?

Butwasitherdriveway · 18/04/2021 15:54

[quote Cameleongirl]@Butwasitherdriveway Who should pay then?[/quote]
Technically? Dn. So by default, her mother.

Radio4Rocks · 18/04/2021 15:55

Your sister should pay. You warned the child and she disobeyed you.

BlueDahlia69 · 18/04/2021 15:56

@Cameleongirl

I couldn't live with myself knowing that my sister was taking a financial hit on her insurance, because of something daft that my child did. I'd feel so guilty. Especially as the OP really can't afford it.

me either, accidents happen but I would be mortified putting my Sister in such a position, particularly as OP clearly cannot afford the hit personally and on her insurance.

Butwasitherdriveway · 18/04/2021 15:56

How strange, the child doing just as she likes.

Can't think where that mentality must come from.

Cameleongirl · 18/04/2021 15:56

That's what I was saying too, Driveway!

The niece's Mum (the OP's sister) should pay, not the OP.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 18/04/2021 15:56

She was a passenger in your car, so your insurance should pay. If there is an excess, your sister should pay.

Either way, use the child locks on your car if you have them to avoid future problems!

Butwasitherdriveway · 18/04/2021 15:57

@Cameleongirl

That's what I was saying too, Driveway!

The niece's Mum (the OP's sister) should pay, not the OP.

Oh I know. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

I was saying I can't believe the father's behaviour either.

billy1966 · 18/04/2021 16:00

OP,
Really feel for you.

I absolutely would pay for the damage my child did and I would be seriously unimpressed with your sister not paying.

Talk about no good deed.

I think if you can't afford to pay then pusg the point.
I don't think you should suck it up.

Regarding responsibility, you asked her to be careful.
She's 11 not 3.

Would the OP be responsible if she picked up some stones and accidentally hit a car?

It is not the same as accidentally breaking a glass while visiting a house.

BrilliantBetty · 18/04/2021 16:05

I'd probably go 50/50 tbh. Parents have some responsibility for their child's damage, equally, you were in charge and looking after them and potentially parked too close to the other vehicle(?)
Either way. It's not worth falling out over if you can avoid it Smile

BusLaneLady · 18/04/2021 16:15

I think it's your sisters responsibility. Yes there are ways that could've been prevented by you opening the door but an 11 year old should know better and face consequences for not paying attention and listening to a warning! Her daughters lesson shouldn't be paid from your own pocket despite you warning them. If my child did this, I would pay but I would make my son pay for it at home! This is how responsible adults are formed, taking responsibility just like op leaving her details with the Merc.

Aprilshowersandhail · 18/04/2021 16:18

Precisely why I bought a 3 door car!!
If dn is usually so careless her dm should pay up. And never take them out again.

BungleandGeorge · 18/04/2021 16:24

If you parked that close you should have got out and opened the door for your niece really. You could have put child locks on, when you look after someone else’s child you are taking some responsibility but i think it would be fair for your sister to offer to pay the insurance excess

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