This isn’t the Op,S fault. Her parking wasn’t at fault and an 11 year old should be able to get out of a car door. But anyone can have an accident ....it’s why it’s called an accident. It can happen even when you’re carefully parked and even to a sensible 11 year old, or even to an adult.
These things sometimes just happen. There can an element of carelessness but we have to expect that to some degree from children....our own or those we take out for the day.
And when unfortunate things just happen, we just have to suck up the consequences when they happen on our watch.
No-one needs to suggest Op was at fault and made it happen or was at fault in preventing the child from doing it. She was just unlucky that the child, despite being told a few seconds previously, still opened the door carelessly and unfortunate there was another car there and that it was an expensive car.
It’s a shame it’s caused a family disagreement. I think in most families (I’d hope) that the adult whose car it was, would be willing to just accept an unlucky thing had happened. The child needs to have their carelessness pointed out to them and also that it’s an expensive mistake, but the adult needs to take on dealing with it and accept those things happen when you’re responsible for a child for the day. I would also expect in most families, if this happened, the actual parents would offer to pay or at least contribute.
Am I understanding correctly that the child doesn’t just live with her parents? That there’s a more complex living arrangement than this?
Well I guess in more complex arrangements, what I’d expect might not happen. The hosting adult might not always expect to just suck up the cost of the child they were hosting’s mistake. And it seems that the people she lives with don’t want to either. It’s particularly unfortunate that neither party seems willing to take the responsibility and it’s a cause of fallout.
It makes me wonder how this comes across to all the kids. Kids make mistakes. They do need to learn from them and that they have consequences but also that the adults in charge of them have their backs and will sort things out and it doesn’t all fall on them. Kids need to be able to trust the adults they spend their time with, that they wills two in and sort things out. In this case, it means paying for the damage. It’s a bit sad that in this case the kids can see no adults are willing to step in and pay for the mistake of an 11 year old....but instead are arguing about it. I wonder how that impacts this child and her ability to own up to mistakes and take responsibility for her errors later in life? It’s just another way of looking at this and thinking about it. But I feel sad for the girl who was admittedly careless and the other kids too.....their parents do t seem willing to back the children in their care, and all of them are actually family.