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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays?

327 replies

Imfinallyhappy1 · 18/04/2021 14:01

Have had my niece (11) for a day at the park. We parked and as it was crowded said to my ds and dn be careful opening car doors please.

Dn and ds acknowledged and then dn Flung open her door and has hit a gorgeous merc beside us.

We were all wtf and she said sorry I didn't think.

There was approx 5 seconds between the warning and her opening the door.

I've left a note for the car owner and taken pictures.

Dn lives with my dsis and my parents. My mum said they will pay but my dad has said he's pissed off and I should pay?

Aibu? If my kids damaged someone's property even if they were with someone else I wouldn't expect them to pay.

OP posts:
Elai1978 · 18/04/2021 20:10

I’d take it as an annoying lesson and pay the excess

What excess?

Angrypregnantlady · 18/04/2021 20:11

My parents and my sister would never pay if my kids caused damaged and was in their care just as a side note.

Then it's decided. They pay for their kid, you pay for yours. You warned her, she's old enough to not need assistance. If she was 3 then it would be more a case of you should have prevented it. Her mum is responsible for any consequences for the niece and paying for the damage caused.

Acrasia · 18/04/2021 20:25

This is going to be very expensive to put right without insurance coverage. Something similar happened a few years ago to DH’s new car. It was a teeny scratch, but cost over €1000 to put right, and he doesn’t drive anything as flashy as a Mercedes. In DH’s case it was actually the other driver’s girlfriend who caused the damage, and she initially wanted to cover the cost without insurance, until we discovered the cost, and then the driver immediately contacted his insurance company.

If it was like £50 I’d say your sister should pay, but unless she is minted, I think insurance is the way to go.

Winterwoollies · 18/04/2021 20:32

@Elai1978

No fucking way would I claim through my insurance. Why would you out your premium up instead of coming to an arrangement with the owner of the car?! Car insurance is a racket anyway, don’t make it even easier for them for a bloody dink in a door

So you’d rather stump up £1000+ than pay an extra £50/year for insurance the next 5 years? Sounds like a plan!

No. I’d get quotes from a few auto finishers to do a repair job on the door and offer to pay for the work directly, in order to keep the insurance policies well out of it. It’s what I’d recommend anyone do for any minor shunts or any damage like this.

Did you not understand what I was insinuating?

It’s moot anyway. Her sister should bloody well pay for it.

AuntLucy · 18/04/2021 20:41

Your sister should check if she has public liability insurance included with her home insurance, and if so, she can claim through that. That is what this cover is for - if a member if the household (in this case, dneice) causes damage to property owned by a third party.

GintyMcGinty · 18/04/2021 20:43

That is what your insurance is for.

NichyNoo · 18/04/2021 20:52

You pay as she was in your car. In future you put the child locks on and make sure DN knows it’s because she can’t be trusted to open a door carefully.

SofiaMichelle · 18/04/2021 20:52

No. I’d get quotes from a few auto finishers to do a repair job on the door and offer to pay for the work directly, in order to keep the insurance policies well out of it. It’s what I’d recommend anyone do for any minor shunts or any damage like this.

Did you not understand what I was insinuating?

But it's not your choice in a situation like OP's, @Winterwoollies

You can do nothing to stop the other driver making a claim against your insurance. They only need your reg' number.

If it's an expensive car they're not going to just say, "yeh, ok" to a backstreet cheap job.

Even if they did agree to take cash, they could still come back later and make a claim. If that happened you'd then end up arguing with your insurers and trying to get the original cash back via small claims.

Winterwoollies · 18/04/2021 20:58

@SofiaMichelle

No. I’d get quotes from a few auto finishers to do a repair job on the door and offer to pay for the work directly, in order to keep the insurance policies well out of it. It’s what I’d recommend anyone do for any minor shunts or any damage like this.

Did you not understand what I was insinuating?

But it's not your choice in a situation like OP's, @Winterwoollies

You can do nothing to stop the other driver making a claim against your insurance. They only need your reg' number.

If it's an expensive car they're not going to just say, "yeh, ok" to a backstreet cheap job.

Even if they did agree to take cash, they could still come back later and make a claim. If that happened you'd then end up arguing with your insurers and trying to get the original cash back via small claims.

🤦🏼‍♀️ I’m suggesting you (the general ‘you, not you personally) attempt to come to an arrangement with the owner of the car when they inevitably contact you, assuming you haven’t fake numbered them. All they’ll want is their car fixed and if you’re offering to arrange that quickly and without involving insurance companies, they’re generally receptive.

Some posters are very naive. Not everything has to be done by the book. It’s beneficial to everyone oftentimes if it is handled between the two parties. And much, much quicker than waiting for Bob-useless insurance companies to fanny about doing it.

userxx · 18/04/2021 21:17

@GintyMcGinty

That is what your insurance is for.

Once you claim the premium will increase dramatically going forward, also depends how much excess the op has to pay. My excess is around £500, so I'd try and get the car repaired myself first.

steff13 · 18/04/2021 21:19

You all have to pay the "excess" (we call it a deductible here) even if someone else files a claim against your insurance? Here you only pay it if you file a claim to have your own vehicle repaired.

Elai1978 · 18/04/2021 21:47

Once you claim the premium will increase dramatically going forward

Not necessarily, one family member did £6000 damage to a third party 18 months ago, her renewal went up £47, another did £2500 damage to her own car and renewal was cheaper than the previous year after shopping around.

also depends how much excess the op has to pay. My excess is around £500, so I'd try and get the car repaired myself first.

There’s no excess on third party claims.

Hastybird · 18/04/2021 21:53

It's up to the merc owner whether to go via insurance-they may not be happy to go with your choice of repairer. Also may end up declaring the damage anyway to insurer regardless of the claim - many ask the questions about accidents / damage including ones that you didn't claim for.
Bottom line is, DN is a minor, you were driving/parking the car - your responsibility.

Butwasitherdriveway · 18/04/2021 22:00

@NichyNoo

You pay as she was in your car. In future you put the child locks on and make sure DN knows it’s because she can’t be trusted to open a door carefully.
Not OPs responsibility.
custardbear · 18/04/2021 22:00

Hopefully it's just a chips away type of job, my car was dented by a stranger recently who paid - it was around £200 to get rid of debt abs sort paintwork but that was the bumper
Good luck

FireflyRainbow · 18/04/2021 22:00

Your sister should pay

Beautiful3 · 18/04/2021 22:05

You should pay. She was in your care, therefore your responsibility at that time. Claim against your car insurance.

ShaneTheThird · 18/04/2021 22:09

Yes it is ops responsibility. The driver is responsible for their passengers. If she chooses to drive somewhere with her sisters children she is responsible for ensuring the car has child locks if she cant trust the child.

userxx · 18/04/2021 22:23

@Elai1978 after my friend had a claim the insurance went from £800ish to over £3k. I wouldn't be prepared to take a chance!

SympathyFatigue · 18/04/2021 22:51

@Imfinallyhappy1

My sister lives with my parents and it’s all very close knit iyswim.

I shall see what happens and if the merc owner gets in contact. I can’t afford to pay and with insurance it would be so very disheartening to see my ncd be reduced, however if I need to pay I will. Just stings when I know my dsis and parents can pay and I really can’t afford too.

Thank you everyone.

Your sister needs to pay. Her child. They're 11 not toddlers. Your sister needs to pay either your insurance costs or the repairs bill then dn can be punished via her mum.

I'm not shocked your dad doesn't want to pay, it's not his child.
If I had to pay for my sister's child doing something I'd warned her not to then I'd not be doing any more childcare trips out.

Standrewsschool · 19/04/2021 02:18

I think it’s op’s responsibility as it was her car that did the damage and the niece was under her care.

BlueDahlia69 · 19/04/2021 03:21

@Standrewsschool

I think it’s op’s responsibility as it was her car that did the damage and the niece was under her care.

Im sure her car and her niece didn't mean it.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 19/04/2021 04:00

I think those who are angry at the niece and say they'd never take her out again (because of her carelessness) are being a bit harsh.

11yr old children are still pretty young and prone to clumsiness. I speak from bitter experience as the mum of 11 yr old twins! I still have child locks on the door for my two because they are prone to moments of daftness. If we were close to an expensive car I absolutely would be getting out first and supervising the door being opened.

I imagine the niece feels awful about this. I hope no one has made her feel too bad. Accidents happen to the best of us. It wasn't intentional.

Because I think an 11 yr old should still be watched more closely, I'd say technically it's your responsibility to pay OP. However having read your update.....if I were your Dsis and I could easily afford to pay, and I knew you couldn't, then I'd absolutely stump up and pay for the damage my child caused. I might feel a bit pissed off that you hadn't watched her more closely to prevent the accident, but I'd still pay for the damage. If you were both in a similar financial situation, then I'd say OP is the one to pay.

BlueDahlia69 · 19/04/2021 05:40

I'd never leave my kind sister out of pocket for an accident my daughter had whilst my sister had kindly taken her out for the day.

who does that.

RachelRavenRoth · 19/04/2021 05:52

My dad would pay for my sister's child too. He wouldn't be happy either, so I understand the set up.

I never removed the child locks from my car so we are always in control of the opening.

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