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Original poster

I would never want to be with a man who had used a prostitute

280 replies

ATieLikeRichardGere · 18/04/2021 11:25

I hope I haven’t unwittingly ever been. When I know some friends of friends who have on stag dos etc. I find it really hard to reconcile with the fact that they then have girlfriends, wives, children. I can forgive people a lot of things, and I sort of believe that everything should be forgivable, but for some reason my visceral reaction to this is very extreme. I feel like I can more easily find sympathy for a terrorist, which probably isn’t rational, but I just feel like this is something I can’t accept. It’s so upsetting.

OP posts:
BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 20:25

@Flowers24

Wouldn't bother me , and having been to Amsterdam the ladies and men in the red light area seem to love their jobs !!
Are you actually serious? Jesus, I cannot decide if people like yourself are in some sort of deep denial or really awfully ignorant.
Flowers24 · 18/04/2021 20:27

Yes very serious??? My opinion not yours

Mittens030869 · 18/04/2021 20:34

It isn’t a question of ‘forgiveness’ for me as I haven’t been betrayed by a man in this way. But I do judge men who pay for sex. I find it impossible not to. This is because I’ve worked for a charity that supports Central Asian women who have been trafficked into prostitution.

I know that not all sex workers have been trafficked and are there under coercion. But I can’t believe that men who pay for sex worry about whether the women they’re having sex with are there willingly. There’s no way they can know that, and I doubt that thought even enters their head.

Plus, if there wasn’t the demand for sex work that there is, there wouldn’t be incentive to force trafficked women into the sex industry. So this is another reason why I judge men who pay for sex.

BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 20:40

@Flowers24

Yes very serious??? My opinion not yours
Your 'opinion' allows perverts to carry on sexually abusing people, because you live in a world of pretence that those that they abuse 'enjoy it'. Whilst people like you live with these delusions, or those who think that regulating the industry will make it fairer for those who 'choose' to do it, men will still have a free card to abuse vulnerable women and their bodies.
Awalkintime · 18/04/2021 20:40

nickymanchester and Flowers24

Consent must be given enthusiastically and not be bought. You can't buy desire either.

Imagine a prostitute who is having sex with a 60 year old, sweaty guy with no teeth. Would that prostitute freely and willingly have sex with that man on a night out in normal circumstances? If not, then they're not really consenting. That 60 year old man goes into it knowing this women doesn't really desire him or want to do this. He is having sex knowing full well this person doesn't want to.

Many are trafficked and we do not know which ones. Men have sex with these women knowing full well that woman might be being forced against her will to do that. But they do so anyway.

They are having sex knowing the person doesn't give full consent. Therefore it is rape. If you have sex with someone knowing they are being forced or knowing they do not really want to, you are raping them. It really is that simple. They are rapists.

If you can buy consent then men will just chuck a tenner at a girl they've raped and there will be no contest.

Flowers24 · 18/04/2021 20:51

What about male prosititues?

Awalkintime · 18/04/2021 20:54

Men can be raped too. Exactly the same. Rape is rape - penetration with a penis without consent = rape.

Tal45 · 18/04/2021 20:55

Gives me the ick.

TheLastLotus · 18/04/2021 20:57

YANBU OP.
But you need to find better friends - are all your friends’ men such dickheads?you’re more likely to encounter men who date women for the sole purpose of sleeping with them.
Also for the record unless you’re in an area with slim pickings - it’s very easy to find men (any man) to sleep with if you’re an average looking woman.
It’s not pleasurable however unlike the majority of men who will orgasm no matter what - they just need some female body, and body. As disgusting as it sounds ...

Frannibananni · 18/04/2021 20:59

A cheater is a hard line for me, paying as long as it’s not cheating perfectly fine in my book.

Flowers24 · 18/04/2021 21:02

Prostitution is not rape, entirely different things.

Annoymoususer · 18/04/2021 21:05

@Flowers24

Prostitution is not rape, entirely different things.
If the punter stiffs the prostitute ie not paying her then it can amount to rape. Most prostitutes don't want to do it, but only doing it in exchange for the money, when that punter doesn't pay and takes the goods, its violating the person as they entered into a verbal contract they backtracked on.
Awalkintime · 18/04/2021 21:11

@Flowers24

Prostitution is not rape, entirely different things.
I disagree when there is no consent there is rape. A prostitute is not giving enthusiastic and free consent.
DeadlyMedally · 18/04/2021 21:14

@Awalkintime

nickymanchester and Flowers24

Consent must be given enthusiastically and not be bought. You can't buy desire either.

Imagine a prostitute who is having sex with a 60 year old, sweaty guy with no teeth. Would that prostitute freely and willingly have sex with that man on a night out in normal circumstances? If not, then they're not really consenting. That 60 year old man goes into it knowing this women doesn't really desire him or want to do this. He is having sex knowing full well this person doesn't want to.

Many are trafficked and we do not know which ones. Men have sex with these women knowing full well that woman might be being forced against her will to do that. But they do so anyway.

They are having sex knowing the person doesn't give full consent. Therefore it is rape. If you have sex with someone knowing they are being forced or knowing they do not really want to, you are raping them. It really is that simple. They are rapists.

If you can buy consent then men will just chuck a tenner at a girl they've raped and there will be no contest.

Consent must be given enthusiastically and not be bought.

You can apply that logic to any form of paid employment.
What is the tangible difference between paying someone to give you a chiropractic adjustment and paying someone to give you a hand job?

Flowers24 · 18/04/2021 21:14

But they are choosing to do the job , they could do something else? Rape is a forced attack

Pinkyavocado · 18/04/2021 21:16

100% agree. Makes my skin crawl.

Flowers24 · 18/04/2021 21:16

Consent can be bought in any line of work , as Thomas Shelby said ' we are all whores, Grace, we all sell different parts of ourselves '....

Mittens030869 · 18/04/2021 21:17

@Flowers24

I would agree, in the cases where women are there willingly. But a great many have been trafficked and are not there willingly! Do you really think punters care about whether the woman they’re having sex with is there willingly?? So it could be rape!!

GeorgiaMelissa · 18/04/2021 21:20

Many people essentially sell their body for money - there are plenty of physically hard, dangerous jobs that people do, because they need money. I don't think anyone supports trafficking women into sex and it's true that prostitution should be much better regulated but do you honestly believe there aren't ANY women that do it because they want to? What about porn actresses? (Again, consensual sex, regulated etc). I think the whole industry is rotten (as are many others), but I'm not against the idea of prostitution as a job.

Mittens030869 · 18/04/2021 21:20

Also, out of those who are there ‘willingly’, a lot don’t have any other options, due to drug addiction.

Awalkintime · 18/04/2021 21:21

Flowers24 - they are not choosing - do you think trafficked women choose that life? Men go into it knowing many are trafficked but couldn't give a damn if these women are or are not.

Rape isn't always forced - lack of consent doesn't always mean force is there. The text book rape is alive and kicking I see.

DeadlyMedally there is no comparison and how ridiculous to suggest it. Consent to have sex can't be bought Is that what you are suggesting? To stop it being rape you just pay for consent?

Mittens030869 · 18/04/2021 21:23

For me, the main point of this thread is the men who are paying for sex. They don’t care whether the women are there willingly.

Awalkintime · 18/04/2021 21:27

If consent can be bought then it in effect legalises all rape and sexual assault so long as money is given to the person.

Rape a girl on a night out - chuck her a tenner and it's legal.
Rape a child - chuck her a tenner and it's legal.

Where does it stop?

ImAlrightThanx · 18/04/2021 21:28

I don't know if I could. Perhaps if he had been very young and expressed remorse and was able to articulate why it was wrong.
Men who use prostitutes have no respect for women. The sex industry is vile, rife with trafficking and other crime, and nobody with a conscious should want any part in it. "willing" participant or not.

ImAlrightThanx · 18/04/2021 21:30

@GeorgiaMelissa

Many people essentially sell their body for money - there are plenty of physically hard, dangerous jobs that people do, because they need money. I don't think anyone supports trafficking women into sex and it's true that prostitution should be much better regulated but do you honestly believe there aren't ANY women that do it because they want to? What about porn actresses? (Again, consensual sex, regulated etc). I think the whole industry is rotten (as are many others), but I'm not against the idea of prostitution as a job.
The issue is the end user doesn't know. If a man goes to a sex worker, how can he know that she is consenting- freely and without pressure (financial or otherwise)? He can not.
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