Neighbour’s mysterious notepad...

[JensonsAcolyte]

The neighbours to the side of us are a retired couple. Pleasant enough to speak to, but a bit on the nosy side.

Their house is immaculate, not a weed on the drive, front lawn and hedges always trimmed. Ours, erm, isn’t. Same for the back, which they can see from their windows. He has commented.

He always puts everyone’s bins back, pretty sure this is not a neighbourly kind gesture, they are collected from opposite his house.

Over the road have caught him chucking cat poo on to my front garden from his (we do have a cat but so do most houses).

Neither of them can walk past my house without craning their necks to look in the garden/windows.

Whenever we have work done he is straight round to find out the details.

Anyway, recently I’ve noticed that he has taken to walking around with a notebook and pencil. We went for a bbq over the road last night and he was out there taking notes on his driveway.

I would so love to know what he’s taking notes on! It’s obviously a shitlist of some sort, or possibly a Covid Police logbook.

AIBU to ask him next time I see it? DH says I need to leave it but enquiring minds must know.

It's performative. I would respond immediately to the walking past and staring by jumping up and drawing the curtains, pointing at your plant by going out there and standing in front of it, if he's standing watch while you're across the road, turn and return the gesture etc
But I suspect he's desperate for attention and to seem important with the notepad (unless something medical is going on) and I wouldn't acknowledge it whatsoever because that's what he wants.

While dementia can’t be ruled out it’s strange that his wife is joining in with it all if that’s the case. With the pointing and commenting to each other.

Just ignore him, some older people do this because they think it's important.
Younger people don't usually have the time.
I'm sorry but I agree with the cat poo, I'd be giving it back to you, too.
My neighbours are older, one in his 90's and the other 78, neither of these men do this, or anything as daft but both lead very active lives.

I think I’d prefer living next to him, then you, OP. Chaotic children dogs noise etc. No thank you!

Give me a nosy pensioner who would deter criminals any day! Invite him for a cuppa, he’s probably lonely.

*than

You need a hobby horse so you can occasionally take it out and have an impromptu dressage session up and down the street.

Having been on the recieving end of nosy neighbours (staring at us/guests visiting our garden whilst we were out, leaving our gate unbolted eventually sending a letter telling us how disgusting we were because our cars were dirty and there was weeds in our drive!) I would suggest putting blinds up and just ignoring them.

Our previous neighbour used to chuck things over the fence from her pristine garden. I was shocked the first time but decided not to be offended after that. If that's what gets her through the day...

Here’s an example: my mum’s neighbour has a complete bee in her bonnet about neighbours’ plants and weeds encroaching on her garden, to the extent that she’s at war with one neighbour about their hedge. So far, so unreasonable.

But, she picks up the local paper for my housebound mum every time she goes shopping, and if my mum hasn’t drawn her front curtains by mid-morning she knocks to make sure mum’s OK.

Fussy, nosy neighbour, yes, but also a good neighbour.

@Doilooklikeatourist

I have about 6 aprons , though I do have a favourite I can’t cook without an apron on ! I didn’t think about a housework apron , but that such a good idea ! Thinking about it though my Grandma had a house coat ( a nylon button through garment like an overcoat ) that she wore for housework *@JensonsAcolyte* definitely a clipboard

Aw, I remember my mam having one of these aprons. Great for cleaning as they preserve your clothes, just remember to take it off before answering the door, so you don't look all 1950's.

I used to have elderly neighbours a bit like this. One day they rang me up because they were convinced that there was "an undercover police man" standing on the corner opposite. "He keeps talking into a microphone in his lapel".
I glanced out to see someone huddled up into their coat (it was cold and raining) with their collar turned up. Couldn't have been more than 18. A car pulled up and they got in so it seems Parent Undercover Policeman picked them up.
Another time they were convinced that the person across the back from us was "making drugs", having asked us if we knew how drugs were made. Apparently it looked like "an arc welder with flashing lights going in the evening."
That was the house with teens and TVs in the bedrooms they could see. They reported this to the police. It was the lighting from gaming screens and TVs.
Then they were fixated on the woman (single parent) with a teenage son. Apparently they were up to something dodgy -possibly running a brothel. She would "put cards or something in the window, there" and they'd change during the day, which was obviously a signal. This house had leaded windows, badly fitted so the sun made different panes reflect/dull as they day rolled on.
They didn't have dementia, they were just really really nosy.
My favourite thing was one day we had been invited to go around to do something and they were looking out if the window, with full-on curtain twitching. The person they were watching saw them and waved
Then they complained about people being nosy!

I think you and your friendly neighbours should have a clipboard meeting outside, on the back of clipboard have words such as nosey neighbour, bury the body etc 🤣

I definitely would not antagonise him. Ignore and leave him to it. If you have to deal with him be polite. It's such a small thing compared to really inconsiderate neighbours Ive had over the years. Apart from this and an illness like dementia aside for the moment, nasty young people become nasty old people. Ive found to my cost that not everyone is harmless or benevolent. For your own peace of mind, don't let this escalate.

Lol omg do you live next to my FIL. This is the sort of behaviour he demonstrates much to the embarrassment and horror of my MIL. Thankfully we don’t visit the house as kids are not welcomed by him so don’t feel shamed to death every time we see his neighbours.

I think we have the same neighbour. I just ignore ours crazy behaviour and am friendly to the point of sickness just to annoy him

It all sounds harmless. Unless you've read the notebook there is absolutely no way you no what he is writing about.

As for him coming around to check out the works - it's common courtesy to go to your neighbours and let them know you are having work done, what you are having done and the anticipated length of time it will take.

Same re. bins - out of our neighbours it's whoever gets out there first who puts them away.

And yes, if a neighbours cat was pooping in my garden I would certainly be sending it back over the wall. Thankfully my neighbours don't let their cat roam outside of their property.

Pop a couple of gnomes or flamingos on sticks in your front garden. Watch his head explode.

I think people are making all sorts assumptions about this guy. The note taking sounds a bit odd but other than that he’s never actually complained to you about anything so I’m not sure why you are so sure he is some sort of Victor Meldrew character. You don’t say what he said about your garden but obviously that would be out of order if he was rude about it.
Commenting on his immaculate house and the fact he takes peoples bins almost as though that is a bad thing is sign you are being judgemental . How on earth can you deduce that him putting the neighbours bins back is ‘not a king neighbourly’ thing to do. How can you tell? 🤷🏻‍♀️
Slight disclaimer but my house and garden is extremely neat and tidy and I wouldn’t think twice about popping the neighbours bins back (as they would mine) . It’s a totally normal thing to do. I think people would be really pathetic if they thought that the fact my house and garden is ‘immaculate’ it must automatically mean I am judging them for theirs being scruffy.

The notebook thing does sound odd but at least he is keeping his thoughts to himself unlike you and the rest of the neighbours who are gossiping about him. I mean you’ve even started a thread to talk about him.

He sounds like a bored jobsworth. Some people aren't psychologically ready to be retired. He needs to be at a desk reviewing forms. But sadly he's wandering around your area with his,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, notebook

I think it'd be funny to take out a bigger notebook and write in it, ''mine's bigger'' while he stands there with his notebook.

I live next door to two sisters who believe they are perfect neighbours unlike me and they are so annoying. Because while firmly believing they're perfect , they open and close their back door constantly and my house shakes every time.

@waitingforthenextseason

Pop a couple of gnomes or flamingos on sticks in your front garden. Watch his head explode.

Haha that is exactly what my front garden is like. I literally have a flamingo. And some tacky lights shaped like flowers.

My SIL is obsessed with this kind of thing and buys them for me and I think they’re fun so I put them out the front for all to enjoy.

@JensonsAcolyte

I think we wind him up as it is.

Our house is fairly chaotic, kids and dogs and music and visitors. Even throughout Covid, we bubbled with my sister so she’s round with her kids and dog most weekends and since 12th April we’ve had people round in the garden most days.

We’re not antisocial but I don’t think we’re his dream neighbours. Houses are detached and at a reasonable distance from each other (double garage and driveway between ours and theirs) so we’re not a nuisance.

I imagine his list of grievances is long. But he’s too polite/passive aggressive to say anything so in the book it goes.

Don't any of you work ?

He has never directly complained but he does a good line in PA comments, if I’m out the front weeding for example he’ll come out and say ‘oh nice to see you gardening at last’.

DH washed the cars the other week and he came over to say he had noticed they were in dire need of a wash.

The work we had done was a driveway extension, he came over and asked the builder all sorts about permits and whether it would be in the same style as the rest (all good on both counts).

So he’s not completely benign.

I only mention his immaculate garden etc to offset that mine is very much not (I mean, we’re not talking old sofas on the lawn or anything but it’s in need of a good weeding and the shrubs need a trim, oh and the aforementioned Knick knacks around). So I’m sure he’s commenting negatively.

DH wfh and I’m furloughed until May.

As for him coming around to check out the works - it's common courtesy to go to your neighbours and let them know you are having work done, what you are having done and the anticipated length of time it will take.

It really isn't.

I live in a small estate, and I'm a single parent. I can confirm that lots of the women 60+, 70 something were very cold to me when I moved in, which was strange, as the two women next door kept telling me ''everybody here is so friendly!''. Like hell they were. Definitely because I had no man sitting lazily on the sofa. Shortly after I moved in, a family, with a man moved in three doors down and the same bunch who were frosty and cold to me were all over that woman like a rash because she had a husband. Unbelievable that people can be such wankers but I assure you, they can be.