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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour’s mysterious notepad...

226 replies

JensonsAcolyte · 18/04/2021 08:58

The neighbours to the side of us are a retired couple. Pleasant enough to speak to, but a bit on the nosy side.

Their house is immaculate, not a weed on the drive, front lawn and hedges always trimmed. Ours, erm, isn’t. Same for the back, which they can see from their windows. He has commented.

He always puts everyone’s bins back, pretty sure this is not a neighbourly kind gesture, they are collected from opposite his house.

Over the road have caught him chucking cat poo on to my front garden from his (we do have a cat but so do most houses).

Neither of them can walk past my house without craning their necks to look in the garden/windows.

Whenever we have work done he is straight round to find out the details.

Anyway, recently I’ve noticed that he has taken to walking around with a notebook and pencil. We went for a bbq over the road last night and he was out there taking notes on his driveway.

I would so love to know what he’s taking notes on! It’s obviously a shitlist of some sort, or possibly a Covid Police logbook.

AIBU to ask him next time I see it? DH says I need to leave it but enquiring minds must know.

OP posts:
LibbyL92 · 19/04/2021 18:41

@nzborn

He wants you to know he's watching, the notebook is to draw attention to what he is doing-its a control issue.
This! Completely spot on
Cailinrua1979 · 19/04/2021 18:51

@2021namechanges

You need to get a bigger notebook. When he whips his out - respond in kind. When he asks what you’re doing say “you first” Grin
😂😂😂
HowWeAre · 19/04/2021 18:53

God, neighbours are the worst. When I was younger the people who lived in the house opposite my grandparents bought binoculars and used to stare in the windows. Confused

They stopped after they bought some and started doing it back. I agree with PP get your own notebook!!

SatsumasOrClementines · 19/04/2021 19:08

There’s a book about this isn’t there? A Man Called Ove?

SeaShoreGalore · 19/04/2021 19:34

my lockdown weight gain means I can't consume any meal without dipping my tits in it

Grin
KisstheTeapot14 · 19/04/2021 19:40

Leaf Wars! I have heard it all now. Leaf blowers at dawn.

Some people have way too much time on their hands.

Taoneusa · 19/04/2021 19:41

He must be stressed. Taking notes on neighbours isn’t a sign of mental health.

EvilPea · 19/04/2021 19:51

You need a giant pencil to do your scribblings with

Elsie1966 · 19/04/2021 20:20

I would start to copy his behaviour and take notes on him and his wife a bit of reverse psychology its aim GrinGrin

Rowl · 19/04/2021 20:34

If you have people in the garden every day, does that mean you are playing music/being loud/dogs barking outdoors every day?

RenoSusan · 19/04/2021 21:08

Too much trouble to write in a notebook. Get your phone out and take a picture of something on his house. Never explain. It will drive him bonkers.

pam290358 · 19/04/2021 21:12

My mum, 90, has vascular dementia and does this. We started finding little notes all over the house and at first assumed she was writing things down to help her remember them, but more and more, I was noticing her looking out of the front window and scribbling things down. GP says it’s part of the progression of the disease - depending on which areas of the brain are affected - so your decision to be kind is a wise one I think.

godmum56 · 19/04/2021 21:57

I'd let be if he's not actually doing stuff to you. You don't know...it may be a mental health issue, dementia, a stroke.... if you really can't stand it then maybe get friendlier with the wife and gently ask if everything is ok.

winniestone37 · 19/04/2021 22:52

@LadyMonicaBaddingham notepad in pinney is a great tip 😁👌🏼 Cheers my dear

Stigsmother · 20/04/2021 03:32

Weatherwaxon I hope you replied "not married, but we are swingers"Grin

bemusedmoose · 20/04/2021 09:56

35 years my mum has lived next to a woman who screams at her poor husband from sun up to sun down (seriously she starts at 5 am!) poor bloke just takes it. But when I was kid I made a tent out of a bed sheet and she was screaming about making the place look like a gypsy camp (in our private back yard with 6ft fences) my dog barked once and all hell broke loose over the noise (after 35 years of her screaming!) my mums cat kept her up yoweling all night (wasn't my mums because he was kept in) didn't like out laundry drying in our garden (i purposely then hung out the rocky horror costumes! 😂 Corsets, fishnets and any pervy things I could find from the charity shops) she had thr same immaculate everything and expected everyone to jump to it as well. Nasty woman. I do love to give her something to complain about these days, I mean - she is going to make a complaint any way so might as well make it worth it.

I would put the cat crap back with a note 'this one doesn't belong to tiddles' with every bag!

I would also be tempted to do things to fill his little book....😂

GlomOfNit · 20/04/2021 11:14

OP, get a clipboard. And maybe a hi-viz vest. Grin

We have similar 'young retired' neighbours and they drive me bananas! We, like you, have a reasonably messy garden. Kids' stuff out (not that much of it), grass needs a trim most of the time (it's not more than about 5" high at the moment though), there are WEEDS in the grass (garden is essentially reclaimed water meadow so not unexpected) that we don't zap, bushes and hedges get a trim most years but that isn't sufficient, apparently. If we don't trim the bush between our and their garden we get notes and then a Visit. (Because apparently they have a right to look out over our garden. Hedge isn't that close to their house and doesn't block light significantly.)

And like you, if they're passing, they rubberneck up the length of our garden for a good nosy. (Most of us have back access so to be fair, this is fairly reflexive behaviour all round, but if I catch someone's eye as they're on the patio, I do at least smile and wave at them!) They visibly tut at things (like the broken gazebo at the end of the garden that I still haven't taken to the tip, but so what? it's mine and on my land) and have little huddled convos with other retired neighbours where it's absolutely obvious they're talking about us - gesturing towards our house or garden, etc.

He in particular NEVER misses a chance to get in an oblique jab - as when I was discussing with our other neighbours where to run the fence we were repairing up to, and whether to run it alongside our extension wall or end it at the corner of the wall - the Nosy Neighbour (who just happened to be hanging around on the lane) said 'if you have the fence against your wall, how will you paint your house?' (it could do with a paint. Again, none of his business.) If we ever do any gardening, he comments in patronising ways. if we have work done on the house or garden, he is round to chat to the workmen about what they're doing.

He's mates with the guy who fixed our fence, so had a nice long chat about our dereliction with him, and apparently mates with the guy who delivered some manure to my allotment - this was particularly maddening, since the old boy who had dropped off the manure and come by my house for payment took the opportunity to have a chat with our nosy neighbours - IN FRONT OF ME - about how little I do on my plot, how he doesn't often see me there, how I'm going to miss planting things, etc. NDNs nodding and smiling and agreeing with him.

He's also not the most considerate neighbour - constantly fiddling about with various power tools in his gardens, noise can start at 8.30. Bonfires on lovely sunny evenings. Obnoxious wife. etc Grin

It drives me crazy and I really do wish him at the bottom of the sea.

Diamondnights · 20/04/2021 12:52

@AintNobodyHereButUsChickens

You need a hobby horse so you can occasionally take it out and have an impromptu dressage session up and down the street.
Absolutely!! To music.
h1nch · 20/04/2021 15:14

Make every effort to be his best friend ever and manipulate him into doing your garden. This kills several birds with one stone. 1. Gives him something to fill in his day. 2. Gets your garden done for free. 3. Gets him off your back. Alternatively, get your own notebook and make it very obvious that you are noting down every time he stated through your window or moved your bins etc.

Bekinder · 20/04/2021 16:03

Ahhhhhh hahaha... loving the comments..

I would love to have him as a neighbour..
Some huge framed glasses from a fancy dress shop and a whistle, when he is out I would be out (but not out, out lol)
Be eagle eyed looking every where then blow the whistle then start writing.. his mind would combust lol

WeatherwaxOn · 20/04/2021 16:28

stigsmother I wish I'd thought of that. We were so stunned we just said 'yes, thanks' and carried on with the painting we were doing.
They were an odd couple though. Lots of weirdness over the years arising from their nosiness and their ability to think the worst of people.
Worst one I can recall was a new neighbour (black) who'd knocked to see if they were both okay as there'd been no movement from their house for a few days. (Usually we'd see comings and goings). New neighbour asked if they needed any shopping or anything. Man just said "No" and shut the door in her face.

Abracadabra12345 · 20/04/2021 18:56

@Rowl

If you have people in the garden every day, does that mean you are playing music/being loud/dogs barking outdoors every day?
It is hard. I imagine this neighbour was busy, , out at work all day, and living in the big house alongside families who followed the same lifestyle. Then the shock of retirement and he’s in the same house but others have moved out and young families moved in. I found the first lockdown really difficult because you’re so aware of all your neighbours in their houses and gardens and can’t go anywhere. This must be like his life, but all the time. He really needs hobbies or part time work / volunteering- he’s living inside his head too much, his life sounds narrow and small irritations are magnifies. I know, because that’s how it got for me.

It must be tough to now spend all that time at home, looking forward to a peaceful, tranquil retirement and have busy, noisy neighbours who now have people around, dogs, music...I get it. Clearly you are incompatible as neighbours but that’s no ones fault.

I would be a bit freaked out by his behaviour but he probably wouldn’t be doing it with us because we don’t have dogs, play music so neighbours would hear it, have people around a lot and stuff. We have mixed housing in our street and so you put up with the one noisier neighbour or the barky dog because that’s life. We’re grateful that nearly everyone is great

Original poster
JensonsAcolyte · 20/04/2021 18:59

He actually moved in at the same time as us, it’s a new build estate.

It’s a large 5 bed property and I’ve always wondered why they bought it and what they do with all the space. I am also quite nosy, it seems.

It’s got four bathrooms fgs. And an extra loo. Just imagining the cleaning gives me hives.

OP posts:
berryfull · 20/04/2021 19:43

We live above a twat like this. Ours is obsessed with mowing grass. I ignore him the best I can.

pam290358 · 26/04/2021 19:20

@Hollywolly1. My partner and I had Covid in February without breaking any rules. We’re CEV and have shielded and followed all the rules. My partner had to go into hospital at the beginning of February and contracted Covid there. I caught it from him when he was discharged. My point is that you don’t get Covid from not following the rules. You contract it by being exposed to it. The OP has done nothing wrong - she bubbled with one other household, as permitted in the rules, and has had people over in the garden from 12 April - also permitted. Yes, you can get Covid twice, but the incidence is falling since vaccination roll out and the risk is minimal outdoors. Plus you can now get lateral flow tests twice weekly to reduce the risk. You really do sound as though all of this has affected your mental health in some way. Things are much better, lockdown is easing and maybe you should ease up too and have a bit of hope for the future, instead of clinging to the gloom and doom of the past year or so.