To think I have crappy in-laws

[TooManyAnimals94]

Currently 20 wks pregnant with our first baby. DH and I very excited obviously. Told in-laws pretty early (about 6 wks I think) and since then I've heard very little from them...not even a "How are you doing?" Text.
DH works with his dad but they've both been WFH so saw him for the first time in ages yesterday. DH was showing him the pram, baby monitor and some other bits that he likes (when DH is excited about something, his reaction is to go on a shopping spree 🤣) and FIL completely dismissed everything he was saying. He basically said "you don't need X Y Z, I know better bla bla bla" which maybe he does but he was so negative I thought it was pretty shitty and DH looked quite deflated when he came home. I don't expect them to shower us with gifts or anything like that but it's his first grandchild (MIL has one) and I suppose I just hoped they would be more interested. I suppose they just want a ready made baby to cuddle and then hand back once she arrives 🙄

Depends what he said. Some things like moses baskets / nappy bins are wastes of money and you don’t need them. Maybe he’s old school and thinks you should wait until closer to the due date before buying anything?

@GrumpyHoonMain yeah but I just think if your son was obviously excited about something you could indulge it a bit without basically calling his ideas stupid.

It’s times like getting married and having children that you notice odd quirks in families. Or that they completely change their attitude. My in-laws have never shown any interest in me. Never asked about our wedding planning. Never asked me how I was when pregnant. Didn’t show any interest in any of our plans. They’re nice enough people. Just no social skills really. They love our DC now and help us out lots. Just it great at showing an interest!

Unfortunately not everyone is going to be bothered about you having a baby. I thought my parents would be fantastic grandparents but in reality they couldn’t give a toss. It’s shit and I really feel for you it’s not nice x

Some people esp older generation dont believe in buying things before the baby is born

Or spending huge amounts on baby stuff

Why would inlaws need to send a text asking how your are? Have you contacted them - works two ways.

Maybe it’s too early for them to feel excited yet or maybe they just aren’t that bothered (some people just aren’t).

Are they usually excited for you and interested in your life?

I can’t imagine in laws texting or making a fuss about pregnancy, to be honest. Congratulations when you tell them but unless your seeing them regularly, I wouldn’t think the progress of the bump and purchase of items was something they’d be particularly strongly about.

Not sure what you want from your in-laws at this stage, of course you and your husband are excited it’s your baby to everyone else it’s not really a baby yet. Maybe he thought he was being helpful, and saving you money, by pointing out that babies don’t actually need loads of stuff. Lots of first time parents get sucked into the whole baby industry and spend loads more than is actually necessary. Most of us at the Grandparent stage like to wait until closer to the due date to offer to buy things. It’s not that many years ago that it was considered unlucky to have large baby items like cots or pram/ buggies in the house before the baby came, shops took deposits and kept the items until you were ready for them. For various reasons when my son and his then partner were expecting we were heavily involved in the whole pregnancy, it wasn’t really a grandparents role and not something that I would think most couples would want. My son and his now partner are expecting and we are delighted but not heavily involved and it is so much more appropriate, we have offered to buy them a big ticket item of their choice nearer their due date. Of course we are looking forward to lovely baby cuddles and handing the baby back to it’s actual parents, that’s how it should be isn’t it.

What more input are grandparents expected to have than a ready made baby to cuddle and hand back?

I don't think my father would have been interested in looking at "baby stuff". Most men probably wouldn't be too interested.

The older generation don’t tend to molly coddle or tip toe around people’s feelings. I would dislike fake interest so his honesty is refreshing. He may engage allot more when baby actually arrives or at least you can hope he will.
Congrats by the way.

Lesson learned, lower your expectations.

What did you expect FiL to do?

@GrumpyHoonMain

Depends what he said. Some things like moses baskets / nappy bins are wastes of money and you don’t need them. Maybe he’s old school and thinks you should wait until closer to the due date before buying anything?

Sorry, I beg to differ re the nappy bin. I’ve used mine for aaaaages (it’s still going!) and it’s a bloody godsend. I have the Angelcare one. I used it properly with the liners and it’s really great. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s not nice, having a baby is exciting, it’s a wonderful thing, you would assume grandparents to be excited too - I have learnt that this is not alway the case. So that your not disappointed don’t expect too much, you are excited and u have a partner who is equally - that is something a lot of people do not have x congratulations!!!

I used my nappy bin right up to ds getting out of nappies, was great in the bedroom when he did a stinking nappy in the middle of the night.

I hear what posters are saying OP but i would be a bit sad if my H came home a bit deflated because his father hadn’t indulged him in his excitement about his new baby things. Surely a parent is aware enough socially to feign some interest in it even if they have none. Unless you guys are skint and your H is spanking a shit ton of money on high end baby stuff, you think your FIL would manage to be a little bit engaged.
My inlaws and parents were really interested and wanted to know how I was bearing up. I was the guarded one.

How often were you in contact pre-pregnancy? We're you close and suddenly not?
Have you been in contact to see how they are? Yes you are excited but the world is a pretty crap place atm and people have their own shit going on.

i must admit i've never been desperate for the baby cuddles, my own as babies of course other peoples /family, no thanks.

I think IL’s are in a difficult position. My MIL was the opposite to your IL’s and was so excited by the notion of her first grandchild she decided to go on a shopping spree herself without our knowledge. She bought lots of things that just weren’t to our taste so we had to let her down gently and she was so upset. We wanted to get things for our baby together, it was almost a bonding thing for us but she bulldozed through trying to buy everything first. It was a bit of a nightmare tbh, I don’t think she’s ever really forgiven me for not gracefully accepting the garish shit she bought .

I think I’d prefer her to be like your IL’s if I’m being honest. They’re not being overbearing, they’re keeping themselves to themselves. Your FIL has had children so knows some things are a waste of money and they really just are, he isn’t wrong.

Is this different to how they normally act? I have family members who moan a lot so I'd expect them to moan if I started showing them things I bought even if it's for a baby. Some people are just negative.

How often have you text them recently?