To think I have crappy in-laws

[TooManyAnimals94]

Currently 20 wks pregnant with our first baby. DH and I very excited obviously. Told in-laws pretty early (about 6 wks I think) and since then I've heard very little from them...not even a "How are you doing?" Text.
DH works with his dad but they've both been WFH so saw him for the first time in ages yesterday. DH was showing him the pram, baby monitor and some other bits that he likes (when DH is excited about something, his reaction is to go on a shopping spree 🤣) and FIL completely dismissed everything he was saying. He basically said "you don't need X Y Z, I know better bla bla bla" which maybe he does but he was so negative I thought it was pretty shitty and DH looked quite deflated when he came home. I don't expect them to shower us with gifts or anything like that but it's his first grandchild (MIL has one) and I suppose I just hoped they would be more interested. I suppose they just want a ready made baby to cuddle and then hand back once she arrives 🙄

I feel for you, I never even got as much as a congratulations text. Not interested at all.

@katy1213

You can't expect a man to be excited about baby stuff. He probably thinks it's a bit odd for his son to be interested in a pram. (So would I!)

What a odd and stereotypical comment.

My oldest closest friend recently passed away very very suddenly in a horrific way and my in laws sent me an email . That's just the way they are, I try not to take it personally. I'm due very soon, they're just not interested in me or my life. It's sad but I've accepted it.

@MakeMineALarge1

All this over a bloody pram and baby isnt here. That's why I think op is hard work.

The pram was just an example of my DH trying to engage them and getting only negative comments back, it's not the be all and end all and we are only window shopping. We're not buying shares in Mamas and Papas 😂 Maybe shitty in-laws was the wrong choice. I think they are shitty parents to my DH and by extension I would like a closer relationship with them. In the past I have organised dinners, invited them to things and they nearly always say no and yet spend days at a time with DHs sisters. Just seems so unfair on him.

"I think they are shitty parents to my DH and by extension I would like a closer relationship with them."

I'm afraid I find that hard to follow.

If they are shitty parents-why are you trying to have a relationship with them at all?

You'd probably both me better off going at least low contact. It isn't going to make your DH feel better to be rebuffed continuously. I'd advice to stop trying to force a relationship they clearly aren't interested in. Less ongoing disappointment.

*be not me

My parents and in laws were all pretty excited but weren't really interested in baby stuff and if they'd phoned to ask how the pregnancy was going every 2 weeks I would have been really annoyed! I think you are disappointed in them because of their general lack of interest and favouritism, which is fair enough, but their attitude to buying baby things is pretty normal.
They may well be much more interested once the baby is actually born... And if not then just be grateful!

@diddl

"I think they are shitty parents to my DH and by extension I would like a closer relationship with them."

I'm afraid I find that hard to follow.

If they are shitty parents-why are you trying to have a relationship with them at all?

Tbf I read that back and it didn't make sense. I suppose I just wish they were a bit more interested in both of us so that we could all have a better relationship. Having seen how they are with the girls, they obviously can be invested, they just choose not to be with us. So there is no point forcing it.

My in-laws were never ever interested. Zero. Never asked, never bought maybe little baby gifts as due date got nearer. Nothing. When baby arrived they visited as everyone else was and that’s been it. Zero interest in our son since. My husband is their only son - for his sisters kids they are around all the time etc. I think it’s different maybe with sons!

" So there is no point forcing it."

Yes-as a pp puts, that way only disappointment lies.

Also the possibility of your child bonding with them & they also threat your child badly.

I mean this kindly but no one cares about your child as much as you do. You’ll be the only ones excited about a pram etc. That’s fine and it’s fine for you and your husband to be excited you should be it is so exciting but it’s only exciting for you two. A grandchild will be great and I’m sure they will be thrilled when bubs arrived. Congratulations!

He works with his father. He shouldn't. Basically why is he doing this because it's not going to improve. He needs to gradually extricate himself from caring.

@MrsTerryPratchett

He works with his father. He shouldn't. Basically why is he doing this because it's not going to improve. He needs to gradually extricate himself from caring.

Well they work in the same company, they're not under each other's feet. Dont think DH will want to leave a job he loves because his dad made a few snide comments.

I'm with you on this OP. They should occasionally ask how you are doing, maybe just through your DH, not everyone has straightforward problem free pregnancies, if you become ill it could affect the baby, their grandchild. And the scans are done to check for problems which can occur, so they should at least be interested in the outcome of those.
Sounds like your FIL is one of those who thinks he knows best all the time, it's tedious, has he been like this on other occassions? I don't see why talking about prams is so strange for a man, it's an expensive purchase, they should be involved.
My own parents and MIL were/are interested in my pregnancies and subsequent children, this shouldn't be too much to expect normally. I am interested in the pregnancies and babies of the ones I love friends /family, and I don't think that's unusual . But I think in this case you will need to lower your expectations and as others have said focus on the ones that are interested.