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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Secret pregnancy. CF relative phones up overstepping the mark. WWYD?

102 replies

thenerveofsome · 16/04/2021 18:55

I'm 12 weeks pregnant with our third child and keeping it private because I just knew there would be negative comments. I had a traumatic birth with our youngest and wound up with PND so want this pregnancy to be as stress free as possible.

We've told my best friend and my mother, that's it.

My mother is very close to her sister who I have outright asked her not to tell because she's one of the ones who'll stick her oar in and pass judgement. I'm almost 30 and she still speaks to me like a child.

My aunt called me this eve for a catch up (I very rarely answer the phone to be honest) and after a few minutes of benign chat she said "so how's your sex life" (tinkly laugh)

I was taken aback and said well that's private..

She then said "you're right, sorry, that was a bit blunt, but you know there's a pill you can take"

I just hung up.

So it's either one of two things..

My mother has mentioned the pregnancy and my aunt is implying I should have an abortion, or my aunt thinks in general I should be going on 'the pill' because we shouldn't be having more children, period.

How would you deal with this and AIBU to be fucking livid?

OP posts:
YellowGlasses · 16/04/2021 18:57

Have you asked your mum outright if she has told her?

I’d be ignoring your aunt forever from now.

Aprilshowersandhail · 16/04/2021 18:57

You should have told her you were into bdsm these days...
And that you had to go as you were tied up. Literally..

Original poster
thenerveofsome · 16/04/2021 18:58

I've blocked her number completely.

I fully intend to speak to my mother tomorrow and ask her what (If anything) she has said, although I suspect she might not want to come clean about letting it slip once she knows it's caused this much stress.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 16/04/2021 18:59

Ask your Mum outright and cut your Aunt off. Your Mother should be giving her down the banks. I'd chin anyone who told me that one of my GC shouldn't exist.

giletrouge · 16/04/2021 19:00

WTF? That is one of the rudest things I feel I've ever heard OP!
I think I'd be telling her in no uncertain terms - and your mother too. I mean really - WTAF?

B33Fr33 · 16/04/2021 19:02

That's gobsmackingly inappropriate (unless it's normal to discuss your sex lives in your family) wtf? I'd be asking my mum what in the hell kind of drugs the aunt was taking that she phoned up her niece to ask about her sex life.

Seainasive · 16/04/2021 19:03

WOW that was spectacularly rude! You do not need that person in your life. And I would seriously reconsider the relationship with my mother if she went against my explicit wishes and broadcast my private business.

RandomMess · 16/04/2021 19:05

I would ask your Mum in a very lighthearted way "so I assume from the phone call from X that you've told her?"

Once she confirms I would ask her for space because she ignored your explicit request.

Thanks
PurpleMustang · 16/04/2021 19:06

Whatever the reason, just WOW. She apologised for the first comment and thought the next was better? She is tapped!!

Original poster
thenerveofsome · 16/04/2021 19:07

I'm gutted, I'm really close to my mother and tell her everything. I'm not sure I could forgive her easily if she has said something, my aunt is the very last person I wanted to know as she was at the top of the 'will judge us' list Sad

Aunt has form for being a CF and nosey to boot, I've gradually distanced myself over the past 18 months because she annoys me so much - but because she's joined at the hip with my mother cutting her off completely is difficult.

Consider it done this time though. I will never talk to that woman again.

OP posts:
brushlaptop · 16/04/2021 19:08

I would also have told her that you're into bdsm and that you'd like her to join in next time. That would shut her up I doubt she would call after that! Alternately you could cut her off

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 16/04/2021 19:09

What a cow.

For future - practising calling bullies and bitches out, so they are wrong footed, not you.

Eg:
Aunt: how's your sex life?
You: How you mean ?
Aunt: you know, are you doing it much?
You: sorry, you've lost me. Doing what much?
Aunt: you know, having sex
you: what a strange thing to ask - are you feeling ok?

Practice in advance until it feels natural. Bullies & bitches rely on British politeness to get the reaction they want.

ImaginaryCat · 16/04/2021 19:13

If she said it word for word as you've written I'd assume the pill she was referring to was viagra, nothing to do with birth control or abortions. I mean it's still a really tasteless awkward joke from an aunt, but it makes more sense in the context of asking how your sex life is.

Original poster
thenerveofsome · 16/04/2021 19:29

@ImaginaryCat

If she said it word for word as you've written I'd assume the pill she was referring to was viagra, nothing to do with birth control or abortions. I mean it's still a really tasteless awkward joke from an aunt, but it makes more sense in the context of asking how your sex life is.
Word for word yes.

I didn't consider that to be honest, she has never asked such a thing before. I can't fathom why she would now.

OP posts:
KoalaOok · 16/04/2021 19:33

That is so weird! I would ask your mum as gently as you can to try and get the truth and then go from there.

totorostoes · 16/04/2021 19:38

I would also assume she meant viagra, still not something she should be enquiring about but from that conversation as an outsider I would assume that over in regards to your pregnancy.

WeatherwaxLives · 16/04/2021 19:39

I wouldn't have thought viagra - surely if that's what she meant she would have said 'there's a pill HE can take'

She sounds horrid OP. Why ever does your mother want to be so close to her?!

toocold54 · 16/04/2021 19:40

If she said it word for word as you've written I'd assume the pill she was referring to was viagra, nothing to do with birth control or abortions.

I completely agree and thought the same when I read it.
If someone’s talking about sex life and a pill they’re usually on about viagra.

Strokethefurrywall · 16/04/2021 19:43

I think she was talking about viagra as well, but it's still such a weird fucking thing for a relative to pass comment on.

I couldn't imagine any of my relatives (bar my sister or cousins who I'm close to) making any kind of jokey comment about my sex life. Aunts/Uncles? None of them would dream of asking any kind of questions about my sex life, despite the fact that we're all very close.

diddl · 16/04/2021 19:44

Why did you know that there would be negative comments-and from whom?

ShaneTheThird · 16/04/2021 19:44

Why would she pass judgment or care that you're pregnant again? Weird thing of her to ask.

PurBal · 16/04/2021 19:45

I would have assumed she was talking about viagra tbh.

diddl · 16/04/2021 19:45

Why would people think viagra?

Unless Op has ever complained about her husband?

UCOforAC12 · 16/04/2021 19:47

Totally out of order and whichever pill she was referring to was inappropriate.

lockdownalli · 16/04/2021 19:48

Given the background it does look like your Mother has told her sister your news.

It's fairly common to be honest that people do not keep secrets even when they really should. If you wanted it properly secret I guess don't tell anyone?

Try not to let it stress you out and congratulations Flowers

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