To ask for your terrible parenting stories

[Spanglebangle]

DS just fell down the stairs. I just took the dinner plates into the kitchen. One minute he was watching TV the next I come back from the kitchen and there's a thud and a scream. He's fine a bump on the head but cheered up after a few minutes and was his usual self, I spent longer crying than he did! He wasn't more than one or two steps up I just feel like complete shit this evening.

So please show me I'm not tho only 'bad mummy' with your stories.

Woke up to calpol being poured over me. DC had climbed out of her cot for the first time, opened the Calpol from my (stupidly) open bedside drawer and was trying to climb into my bed. Panic and fear. We have a camera over her cot (she's still in our room) and could see that she hadn't drunk it. We checked camera footage at some point whilst in a mad blur of googling, trying to get through to 111 and dressing her ready to take to hospital. Warning - one year olds CAN open calpol bottles. We were bloody lucky. She is a climber and it's terrifying.

My parents went home without me at one of my birthday parties in a hall. They had brought both cars with to load all the food and paraphernalia and both thought I was in the other's car. They were horrified when they reached home! Luckily the hall was nearby and I was apparently just playing with the broom. I don't remember it so I can't have been too bothered.

Picked my sons up from school. Got halfway home and felt something was missing. I'd left my toddler daughter in the playground.

She was Fiiiiine 😁

Ohmigod I had 4 So my list would be endless!

DS1 fell on a glass I’d put on the floor ‘for a second’ gashing his arm.

DS2 was driving me crazy with the transfer from cot to bed and kept getting up. In a temper I threw the door open, and the handle connected with his forehead. He also played WWE with his Dad and ended up popping his knee. That was a Xmas eve in A and E.

DD1 I took my eyes off her at a family party for a second, and she downed her late grandads vodka and coke through a straw!

DD2 used to fib about feeling sick a little too regularly on Monday mornings. Twice I sent her in only to throw up.

I have so many I could probably write the awful mother’s handbook or something. They’re 19-29 now and claim they love me so they must have forgiven me lol

Son tripped over his own foot and broke his arm. My dad found him down the street and brought him home. His arm was bent at a really odd angle.

I had literally completed a paediatric first aid course the week before so I jumped into action when he started turning an odd shade of green and was passing out. So I slapped his face to keep him awake, thus adding to the poor child's injuries.

So basically, I was shit at the first aid.

The house we were living in had the horrible combination of gaps round all the windows and doors and massive connifer trees outside said windows and doors. It was spider central, actual infestation of massive giant hairy things, I'd gotten so used to seeing them.

I was getting toddler DD ready for nursery one morning, when I was pulling her tiny hoodie on, a giant beast crawled out onto the back of her neck 😬 my body took over and karate chopped the bugger off and she fell onto the floor. She was stunned rather than hurt thankfully!

I set up a sensory tray (ocean themed) for my youngest and turned to do something and he ate a real dried starfish. I freaked out that it was going to be poisonous and called DH (who has colleagues who work in toxicology). He asked his colleagues and we decided to monitor the situation at home but DH came home from work because I was so upset. DS was fine but DH's work never let him forget the starfish incident.

Moved into a new house with lower than usual kitchen counters, my son is 2 and can reach absolutely everything that's on them, about a month ago he grabbed the cup out from under the coffee machine, which thankfully doesn't dispense boiling water, just very hot water but he spilt it all over his arm, I started freaking out, grabbed him and ran his arm under the cold tap for ages. Both me and my partner were stood centimetres away from him when it happened, we just weren't quick enough to stop him, thankfully he was absolutely fine, took us about an hour to clean up the water as most of it went under the washing machine, he hasn't touched a cup on the counter since.

pretty much punted him straight back out the door. He was fine, but obviously pretty shocked,

This cracked me up!

I also loved the dd who tried to sleep like a bat from her top bunk - genius 🤣

I was coming down the stairs carrying DD2 and walking behind DD1 who was 3 at the time. My foot slipped and I basically kicked her down the stairs. I'll never ever forget the vision of her blonde hair flying down the stairs, through the open staircase and onto the tiled floor below. She was fine. I was not!

*stairgate

When my DS was about ten months old I woke up to him crying outside the bedroom. Jumped out of bed and found him on the stairs. He had crawled out of bed and crawled down the stairs backwards and fell a couple of steps. He used to co sleep with me and had never climbed off the bed before, let alone pushed the door open. I got a safety gate fitted that day. I'm just lucky the stairs were on 3 levels instead of a steep drop because it could have been worse.

Ds kept climbing in and out of storage boxes. I kept asking him not to but after repeating myself so much, I just said " well if you hurt yourself its your own fault" I was 35 weeks pregnant and it was new years eve. He carried on then fell backwards and cracked his head open on the sideboard corner. I felt awful.. And panicked from all the blood. Spent new years even in a and e getting stitches for him

Omg I have loads (3 children). Once I chased my DD on slippery floor and she knocked her front teeth so hard they nearly fell out. Pulled my son out of a cupboard and he banged his head on the frame resulting in a MASSIVE egg on his head. Left my DD on the sofa as a 4 month old and she rolled off. One of them ran off in the school playground age 2 and fell face first in a puddle splitting her lip open and I didn’t even notice as I was talking to a teacher. Random woman shouted ‘WHOS CHILD IS THIS!!!’ So literally every parent knew. There’s more I should stop now 🤣.

Honestly it’s impossible to stop them getting injured all the time - and in my experience it is a lesson to them. For example mine all only fell down the stairs once before they realised why I tell them not to mess around on the stairs....

I started quite badly when DD1 was born.

Gave birth (it took DAYS and I was knackered) and was sent off to have my shower. Put her in the wheelie cot in the labour room and I guess left her with DH?

Anyway, midwife was right - the shower was indeed wonderful, and DH came into the bathroom to help me dress & then we headed off to the recovery ward, me leading the way. As we got out on to the corridor, DH started laughing. "forgotten anything? anyONE?" Somehow I'd completely forgotten that I had a BABY now and needed to bring her.

Oh! Another one! When DD2 was born (there's a pattern here....) it was my first time taking both kids out on my own. Brand new DD2 (maybe 2 or 3 weeks? SMALL anyway.) and just-turned-two DD1. I decided to take them to the large library in town, which is in the shopping centre and the children's library is upstairs.

After the usual pointlessness of bringing a 2 year old to a library, DD2 was crying and fussing and feeding her wasn't having its usual magical effect, so I decided to leave the library. Packed up our stuff, wrapped DD2 up, put her in the pram, got my coat on (I'm frazzled and sweaty at this point) and DD1 was nowhere to be seen.

Searched library calling her (DD2 howling away by now of course, so I'm even MORE frazzled and sweaty) and finally the SECURITY GUARD came in with DD1 in tow as he'd seen her flying past his desk down at the main entrance and run out onto the (pedestrian) STREET. I guess someone let her into the lift with them??? Unless she was a hell of a lot handier with stairs than we'd given her credit for.

To be honest, I was so knackered (and did I mention sweaty?) that I don't even think I was particularly mortified. I think just thanked him for spotting her and bringing her back up to me and went home.

@QueenPaw

I've been on here too long ages and I remember the thread where a poster accidentally removed her babies hair. With Immac. I'm pretty sure she also dyed her baby blue accidentally too so.. it's fine

That was Honeydragon!

She also twatted a spider to death!

Here is a thread full of Honeydragon’s finest parenting tips.

@MistressoftheDarkSide

When DS was about 4, I used to do an exercise video - think it was Cindy Crawford - in the sitting room while he toddled about the made safe landing, kitchen, played in his room etc. Often he'd chat and play around me, it was quite fun tbh.

One memorable day I was doing the on all fours and kick your leg back thing - DS had decided to ride his little indoor trike into the room and caught my foot in full back swing - I pretty much punted him straight back out the door. He was fine, but obviously pretty shocked, and I hid the trike when I was doing it in future - I swear my heart actually stopped for a few seconds though!

This made me laugh so much

I was trying to get something out of the freezer once but something was catching on the drawer and it wouldn't open. So I start pulling it back and forward quite hard to try and free it. Didn't realise that DD (2 at the time) had snuck up behind me. Give it one final big pull and the draw flies out at full speed straight in to DDs face, knocking her to the floor. Never felt so bad, especially because she was just looking at me with such disbelief that mummy had 'thrown' a freezer drawer at her

I gave my non-verbal severely developmentally delayed toddler the car keys to distract him while I strapped him into the car. Then I shut the door, walked around to the drivers side- as he clicked the lock 'shut'.

It was a warm day, The windows were shut. A passerby helpfully informed me he was 'looking distressed'. He wasn;t. he had unclipoped himself from his car seat, had taken off his own nappy and shat on the seat and was removing all the cds from their jackets.

I discovered that day that it takes a very great deal of effort to break into a Kia Sportage.

@bottleofbeer

Son tripped over his own foot and broke his arm. My dad found him down the street and brought him home. His arm was bent at a really odd angle.

I had literally completed a paediatric first aid course the week before so I jumped into action when he started turning an odd shade of green and was passing out. So I slapped his face to keep him awake, thus adding to the poor child's injuries.

So basically, I was shit at the first aid.

so basically, I was shit at first aid'

😁😁

I did exactly that too, woke up, wondered where dd had gone and she was between the bed and the drawers😳