Has anyone managed to change from a rough family to a pleasant one?

[booksandnooks]

My young family is the former, very rough and loud with a crying baby or tantruming toddler and 2 children who run me ragged. I am so embarrassed every single time I take them out. It has come to the point where I would rather sit inside on a beautiful day that try to deal with taking them out. I have 4 under 10 so a lot of children, a lot of noise, and I am spread very very thin. And it shows.
The cracks are visible in my parenting and in my children's behaviour.

Has any one got any tips or advice on how to crack down and deal with this? My eldest 2 have gotten into the habit of sneaking out of bed to watch TV while I am asleep and they both completely ignore me when I ask anything. My sister has noticed and has pulled, both me and the children, up on it. I just let it all out and told her that I am in over my head, quite frankly, and that I am the epitome of a struggling mother DRAGGING her children up rather than bringing them up. In fact most of the time I feel they are dragging me. I just want to be respectable but am failing terribly.

I think raising kids nowadays is so much harder than it used to be as its so intense and full on that we are supposed to not only entertain them and play with them, but if they behave badly, we have to sort it out by being their therapist etc.
My nana had 10 kids and when I asked my mum how she coped, it seems that it was mainly by kicking the kids out of the house to play at every opportunity. If they were in the house, then theyd have to be cleaning it, and if they misbehaved, theyd get a clout round the ear. Oh and of course the eldest girls had to pretty much parent the younger kids.

Even when I was a child, kids were sent out to play from quite a young age. Even as a baby it was normal for older kids to come and take me out to play in my pushchair. My mum barely even knew these kids. Can you imagine! I dont think she even knew where I was half the time. Kids would be in and out of other peoples houses. Im not saying it was better that way, as obviously bullying and abuse was rife, but the pressure on parents to have perfectly behaved children and be responsible for their behaviour and also their educational attainment plus healthy self esteem just wasnt there. Also they had valium and fags and could go out in the evening and leave the kids at home or outside the pub.
Loads of these boomers criticise modern parents, but neither they nor their parents had the same pressure.